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July 2017

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This morning work was hell.  I suck at mindreading and my one attorney seems to not understand that - it is usually just when she is under enormous pressure.  Argh.  All ended well and as always, after the calm had been restored, she thanked me for putting up with the madness and doing so much.  Makes it hard to be grumpy.

But this afternoon was blissfully quiet, so I got the chance to do some more poking around at magic systems. For various reasons, I really love water element magic.  And I love love love color magic - today I stumbled onto a paper in the US National Library of Medicine, under Evidence-Based Complement Alternative Medicine, A Critical Analysis of Chromotherapy and Its Scientific Evolution. I am fascinated by the thought of using chromotherapy/hydrochromotherapy and as the basis for a magic ability.  Now to mull endlessly over this but what I am thinking of doing will work very well with what I already have in place.  There have (needless to say) been a number of excellent fantasy novels that use color magic (most recently Brent Weeks, Brandon Sanderson).  So I have to find a different way of doing things. What a headache!  I gotta be creative???? *whine*

But I can't go forward from where I am right now until I figure out some stuff.  Sigh.  So, I think I will go watch the last episode of Westworld.   That's productive.

I am so excited [livejournal.com profile] duikermeisie and [livejournal.com profile] used_songs and E (not on LJ) and I are going to have a biking and writing weekend in San Antonio the first weekend in February.  I LOVE having adventurous writerly friends!

Now to drag my bicycle, which is a very good one thank goodness, out of the garage, dust it off, make sure it is good to go.  I plan to take the Friday of the 5th off work so I can drive up early and find a lovely place to write the afternoon away until Helen arrives, then we'll bike adventure the next day, and then have writing time, then go home on Sunday.

This last week was well spent hammering out the last ten chapters (THE OUTLINE, NOT THE CHAPTERS) of my current novel.  I have to write them still, but this hammering-out the plot helps tremendously.   I have got to step up the production now and get this thing done!  Now that I have a map to guide me to the end, I am confident I can make it happen, stick with the Hodderscape synopsis (mostly--my character doesn't seem to want to be magical in any way, so I am letting her win on that), and it will be way too long in the end, but I'll address that problem later.  I estimate hitting 130 words, dammit. DAMMIT.  Way too long for YA, but perhaps because this is 'crossover' I can get by with 110,000.  I shall not worry about it!  Nay!

And now it is time to go to bed.  I'm doing 100 days of keto on reddit and can't wait to weigh in the morning.  Work tomorrow, but because of hte banks and court houses being closed, we should, SHOULD, have a relaxed day.  Better.

I had a good day, a good weekend, especially with my puppies.  I bought Shelby (the red) two new clouds. She loves them!  Maddox has no wish to lay on them.  He does, after all, have the couch.

EDITED FOR CLARIFICATION of what I hammered out. :)

Okay so I am really and truly enjoying this show.  I've tired of dark shows (looking at you Jessica Jones--though you were brilliant, I am just worn out by brutality) so after mainlining Eureka, where I would like to live thank you, I decided to finallly get going on this show that I've heard about for so many years.   Am well into season two now and it is really cool to see the variety of situations they come up with.  A time or two a few things have sparked ideas for my story, which is very unexpected.

Today's writing was a continuance of working on the rest of my plot.  It is weird that I can't quite see the ending yet, but I think I sort of kind of know how it is going to go.  I had to come up with something for the hodderscape synopsis -- it may work, but may not, not sure.  I just sure wish I was done with this first draft.  Even though I'm writing one way or the other almost every day, it is just creeping along so slowly.  How do you people write so fast, you who write fast?  My brain just doesn't work that way, though I am writing faster than I have been.  So I guess that is something?  Was hoping it would be done by end of January - end of February is probably more reasonable.  WIsh I could just take a week off, grab my dog and head out somewhere pretty and beautiful to work on it nonstop.  Ah well.  Gotta work. Sigh.

I think Maddox has the right idea.   Night folks.

20160112_220610

Just five minutes ago I realized that so far during nano, I have basically written two chapters. That doesn't sound like much, and it isn't, but that has been a chapter a week, which was always my happy pace In Times Before.  I still have about 12,000 words total okay less now that I spent the afternoon choppiting at what I have because of changes to a character that needed to be fixed, and the need to weave in a journal of folk songs that will prove important later. And somehow now I have more like 9,000 words over 2.5 chapters.  A chapter a week is a good pace with me what with helping MIL, tending to stuff at home, and working.  I'd like to do more than that, sure, but 1100 or so words a day most days seems to be where my brain is geared. So I'm going with it.

more nonsense behind the cut )

My daughter has a Ron Weasley sweater on it.  Big R (for our last name too - convenient!).  I want one!!!

Hello Livejournal. Been two months since we spoke last - about the time I got super busy with my MIL after her foot surgery.  Man that has been a beast, getting her over that and there is still a long way to go. She goes for another checkup tomorrow and I really do hope she gets a good report even though one of the evil screws is working its way loose. Dammit.  And on top of all this, work has been super busy--the more I do, the more I have to do! If that makes sense? I didn't leave work until 6:30 tonight. Sigh.

Yesterday though I had off work - and that was lovely even though it made today more difficult Spent the afternoon at Starbucks with my daughter, me working on my ms and she working on work.   Then we went home, she made dinner for me before taking off for the boyfriend.

So life has been nutsy busy, been devoting lots of time to my MIL, her dog, and working on my writing stuff - I'm sorta doing nano, but really only as a way to keep the focus going.  More important to me that I just keep working on storyline (which has changed dramatically - VERY dramatically).   Why is writing so HARD?  I have to admit though, doing extensive structuring has helped a heck of a lot.  I've gone from 6 pov's to one.  LOL.  I've completely changed the focus of the whole kit and kaboodle.  Oh well.   I wish I was one of those who had the time to write about process, as I'm approaching this in a way that is a it different than what I tried before...because what I did before did not work. AT ALL.  (which explains why nothing I had before is being used now).  Because... because...   Yeah.  Talking to myself. yeah

I miss all you people not reading this. You know who you are.

Watching Sons of Anarchy.  Very different world.  My eyebrows are raised!!  LOL.  Do people live like this for real? They do don't they?  And yet... these guys are good guys at heart.  I think. I'm only on episode 5...

This week has had and will continue to have its challenges - my MIL had foot surgery Thursday morning, and it has been a difficult road since then to try to make progress in healing.  We've ended up back at the doctor's and though he hasn't been overly concerned about the bleeding at the incision site, I sure am!  It has been a real concern.  And the pain, and the massive cramps (we finally got her meds for that). The last two days and today have been mentally exhausting, plus, my MIL LOVES TO TALK OH MY STARS.  Nonstop.  About everything under the sun from Religion (my least favorite subject, pretty sure she'd flip if she knew my true thoughts on the subject)) to politices (another least favorite subject when she is the other person) to who did what when where she lives.   She loves it there, and I am glad, but it is maddening how everyone is into everyone else's business.   This will continue for the next two months, as I will ahve to go see her daily, to walk her dog and check on her.  I AM going back to work on Monday though.

Anyway, it has been a few rough days for us all, and time spent cooking is not what I want to be doing, so I decided what we all needed was a huge pot - or two - of minestrone soup (although Tiff didn't want the red beans, so I left those out).

Here is a cuppa:

soup


One of my daughter's best friends who I also adore because he is awesome loves my soup so of course I had to make twice as much as necessary so he could have some. (Okay the truth is, I ALWAYS make too much of this soup.  Without fail.) [livejournal.com profile] venivincere asked for the recipe, and of course there isn't one.  I have never had a recipe for this because my mom taught me to make it, and she never had a recipe for it either.

But, here you go - what I did tonight.  Everything canned or boxed (broth) was low or no salt.

We're mostly eating vegetarian at home these days so there isn't meat in this, but it is easy to add of course.

2 boxes of vegetable broth (my favorite is Kitchen Basics unsalted - it is a dark broth which is fine for this)
2 cans of whole tomatoes - big cans that is.  Do not cut your finger like I did, okay?  I need a new can opener
1 can crushed tomatoes (big can again)
1/2 box of tomato sauce (or a couple cans if you have that, about 16 oz. total)

I have my toe in a CSA thing and had a bunch of pretty tomatoes so I cut them up and put them in too.

I used a LOT of tomatoes.

One whole bunch of celery cut in little pieces
A bunch of carrots, also from the CSA thing.  Cut up nicely.
2 big yellow onions
1 bag of frozen pearl onions, because my daughter loves them
1 bag of frozen corn, because I had some
And really any other vegetables you want to throw in.  Rutabaga, bok choy, cabbage, whatever. Stretch your imagination!!  I bought a napa cabbage and totally forgot to add it, btw.  Now what to do with it I am not sure.

ANYWAY - chopping veggies is very therapeutic. Needed that today.  Peaceful veggie chopping, IN MY OWN HOME, dogs at my feet, documentary on the Roku - I highly recommend watching this documentary while chopping your vegetables, though it made the process of chopping said vegetables last the entire link, because the documentary was so amazing. Now I want to hike the John Muir Trail.  Sigh. Awesome Hiking Video for Chopping Up Veggies.

Other ingredients:

Pasta, because the daughter wanted it, and pretty yellow taters, again cuz she wanted them. This soup was really for her, see.

More tomato sauce to taste.  I just add however much looks good and some water to where it looks good and tastes tgod and is good. LOL.

So, I throw all this stuff but the pasta and potatoes (last 30 minutes so they don't get mush, if you use beans, same thing, wait last 30) in those big pots on my stove - 2 pots because I had a LOT of each. A LOT.   Then, I throw in a package of my mom's secret ingredient - Knorr Swiss Leek Soup.  LOL yes that. AND a package of Knorr Swiss's vegetable soup.  Instant perfect seasonings!   I do not add salt as there is plenty in those.  Pepper to taste, we like red pepper in ours but if you don't, don't use it.

I think the basic part is the most important, the broth - the 2 cartons, the half a carton of tomato sauce, the whole and crushed and fresh cut up tomatoes, and the Knorr stuff.  Oh and fresh oregano and parsley which I also had.  :)   Get the basic part right and the veggies slide right into the awesome.  :)

Damn I love this soup!  Serve with corn bread if so inclined.   It would be far better if it was cold outside, but sometimes, you just gotta have soup.

And now back to my MIL's to walk the dog and change her bandages.  And try to get home before my ears hurt. LOL.

I keep meaning to take the time to post, but the last week has been a bit crazy. Last Saturday, the daughter and I finished packing up the car and headed for Florida by way of Mobile, AL. I drove the entire way - I would rather drive and be occupied with that than just sitting there for hours and hours... And Tiff was able to chat at her friends and play Draw Something and such, keep the tears at bay. The closer we got to Orlando though (esp after Mobile, where we stayed at a La Quinta) the more excited she got.

We finally arrived at my friend Karen's house late Sunday. YAY! It was fabulous to see Karen and her husband Moghis again and I am completely in love with their house. What I am pissed about though is myself - over the last years, Karen has gone through an unbelievable amount of medical problems. :( She's doing well now though thank goodness, but then again... not as well as she should be. I am incredibly grateful for my health. I am rocking the health actually, and I can be better. And will be.

So, left the kiddo Tuesday night and flew back in the midst of Very Evil Storms but got home, and got through the week (I swear, my boss is so nice...I think he understood in his quirky way that I was all kinds of sadface this week as he was just so nice). And now it is Friday, and tomorrow is Saturday, and my plans for the weekend will be to get started on fixing up this house!

Over the next couple of months I have a lot of work to do. Got to move a bunch of stuff up to Tiff's room (and send her things she forgot, oops), and my son Kelly and I are going to rearrange the living room and dining area which is now a sitting/writing/reading area. Or will be! I am excited about that!

That's about it. Got tested yesterday for gout (oh, big toe!) but in the good news, am off my brain meds (hopefully forever, doc is actually very supportive of that with a 'but, if you need them...') and he also cut my blood pressure meds. My bp was way low yesterday, so he took the diuretic out. We'll see how that goes.

Other stuff is going on, but that's enough for tonight. Am reading a quirky mystery right now, THE ALTO WORE TWEED by Mark Schweizer. It kinda makes me think of The Vicar of Dibley BBC television series in its small town setting, a church (Episcopalian in this case) and those who move in and out of it is the center of the story, quirky unusual characters, and a very likeable XXL-wearing cop/church organist as the MC. It is a self-published book and series, a few errors and typos and punctuation mistakes, but the story is so much fun and engaging I am ripping through it. (Ok 'ripping through it' for me is I'm reading it fairly fast, probably a few more days before I am done).

What else? One scene to go on ms before I am done...and then, I am REALLY done. At least for awhile.

Watching FALLING SKIES and enjoying it.

Finally got Instagram. Trying to refrain from taking lots of pics of the dogs.

And now I am just typing stuff for the sake of typing.

Laters!
Okay so Wednesday evening at 6:00 p.m., this kid is headed for the UK. YES!!!! Of course I have a whole slew of things that need to be done before I go, though this morning I have managed to knock out most of them.

1. Trip documents - need to print all these - passport already in my handbag
2. Suitcase - on floor, tossing stuff in
3. Laundry - last load is washing now, all other is put away. Shock.
4. Kitchen - not clean yet, going to clean out fridge too
5. UK plugs for electronics - located
6. UK dryer - where did I put that thing?
7. Hair - DONE! LOVE IT! WOO!
8. Pick up meds, some gum, new socks (always buy new socks for trips lol), contact solution
9. Food for the dogs - purchased and ready for them
10. Baby computer - will be revved up and ready with all fics I am working on and beta'ing loaded
11. Kindle - Have Have by Chance, going to put an SPN fic on (Nick will read those out loud), and Dance with Dragons will drop on Tuesday. WHEE! So all set there with that.

Plymouth-appropriate clothes may be purchased when I am there. Just a few longer-sleeve shirts--Nick is wearing sweaters! Light ones but still, can't buy those here this time of year.

Really, that's about all I need to worry about, other than how to get to the airport. I can either ask my friend Cid if she can drop me off (but I'd have to leave my car there for two weeks at her place), or Tiff will have to get off work that day. Son...it would be a good experience for him, but then again, he has no familiarity at all with the airport, and driving Airport Freeway is hell. I am thinking of asking Cid if she can help me out.

That's about it. Kids are on their way back from Boulder, CO - they will be missing the mountains and the cool I am sure. I will miss them, and the pups (esp. the pups lol) so much.

Work tomorrow and Tuesday, run to the bank on the way home, and then finish the packing up. Will of course pack extra change of clothes to take w/backpack. After all, once the luggage ended up in Arizona for four days. Boy did that suck.

Also to do, writing-wise:

1. Finish and upload FenCon submission - sending in Stage, my 'boy player' story that I am working on through the fall. Nick and I will be going to the Globe so I can inhale the atmosphere. Crit buds are super enthusiastic over Stage. I am too! For this story, switching it to first person was definitely the right decision. Funny how that works.

2. Finish my Merlin bb, now titled Near-Mint Condition. Five scenes to go! Tonight I will knock out one. Otherwise, I've fixed it up to the point of new writing, and my betas have their hands on it.

3. Betaing fun - I'm helping out five people, two of whom are pretty much done. :) So proud! I know they'll all keep me hopping but it's great fun. I adore betaing, I do.

Okay, that is all--I need to run to the store and get the above items, then think I will curl up and take a wee nap. :) Have slept surprisingly well in the house by myself, with everything locked up tight and my killer huskies guarding me...

Stop laughing.
Just saw the daughter off to Minnesota--she, her friends Erin and Chase have taken off with a car packed to the rim with stuff. I don't envy them that drive but Tiff loves road trips and has done this drive several times. They'll be fine.

The son and I will leave tomorrow--then it is a crazy whirlwind of activity. Rangers v. Twins tomorrow night (got our Rangers t-shirts ready--hope we aren't mobbed!), a visit to the Mall of The Americas (my daughter can't wait to go shopping...in H&M. LOL). Then a rehearsal dinner, then The Wedding Day, dinner after, Sunday is opening presents--sweet, that'll be fun--and back home again. Dogs are dropped off first thing tomorrow morning, picked up again on Monday morning. They'll be enjoying a nice stay at the vet's pup hotel (and will get spoiled rotten--one of the vet techs there has six huskies of her own).

So today is a flurry of things to do--laundry, packing, getting the dogs' food ready, picking up prescriptions later, etc. Son has to go buy shoes--his dress shoes are totally worn out. Holes in the bottom! Thanks for telling me now Son!

Never been to Minnesota before so this should be fun. Exhausting, but fun. Yay for having a Blackberry now--I can at least stay in touch that way.

Okay so call me goofy but I have a new screensaver, one of those aquarium ones. It is nice to have beside me on the laptop with music playing while I write. It is so realistic I am almost disturbed...especially as I have a favorite fish, the Clown Trigger fish. his movements are so sensible and realistic as to be...well, let's just say I caught myself smiling at him and his antics? Yeah. Uh, yeah.

Nonsense post, this, also known as 'oh man do I really need to get this day going already?'. Yeah, I do.

Okay...time to get the laundry started! :)
I had to add this: OMG THE UGLY HEADER IS BACK! LJ, THAT HEADER SUCKS! I HATE IT!!!!! AAAHHH!!!

It has been a busy, interesting week! Or two. So here's how things are:

State of Unemployment: Still unemployed! I got a letter from my ex-employer stating that they were appealing the decision in my favor. However, checking the dates, it looks like they are way, way past the deadline for doing so. They did that on the 7th, it is now 10 days later, and my status with TEC has not changed, no correspondence from them, nothing. I was really really angry that they added some sweet little lies into what The Rat Bastard was claiming I said and did. Pretty mind-blowing. In my next ms, there will be a character named Doran. Expect him to DIE DIE DIE a REALLY REALLY horrible death. REALLY HORRIBLE.

Otherwise, plugging along. Today I went to the Work Resources center for a mandatory orientation, and had a blast. Okay I am weird, right? But there are lots of things I can benefit from there, so next week will zip over (it is about 15 minutes from here) and take the different things. Plus, they keep track, and it looks good on record.

State of the Loose-Id: Progress! My editor needs a synopsis and some other info from me so the ms can go to the next stage. Squee! Am I excited? Yes I am excited! YOU BET I am excited! And tomorrow will be Synopsis Day. My alarm is set for 7:30 and I will be hammering out that puppy all day.

State of the Writing Part 1 (Splash Page) Thanks to the word wars on the weekend, my first draft stands at....16,103 words. Am I excited? YOU BET I AM! Sure it is a messy first draft but that is okay. I am writing the first draft fast and dirty, and just having fun with it. Working on it on weekends only.

State of the Writing Part 2 (Fantasy): I am starting to feel like a full-time writer. If I am not doing chores, talking to Nick, playing with the dogs or sleeping, or oh yeah, job hunting, I am working either on Splash Page or on this. I have three writing group meetings a week, and my writing peeps are dedicated and determined. I wish I could just do life like this forever, but alas, eventually the money will run out. Pout. But I am not bored. Oh far from it!. Anyway. This no-name fantasy that needs a name (The Beast Boy sound bad? I could call it TBB for short) is absolutely stealing my brain, my heart, my waking moments, and even stealing many of my should-be-sleeping moments and I LOVE IT. As I've explained before, my Saturday group, Warrior Writers, has a set plan for getting a novel ready for writing. As a Plotmeister, I love it. So far this is what I have:

1. Goals! yes I have them
2. Worldbuilding! Yes, I have it solidly started, using OneNote (best tool EVER! if you want ideas for how to make it work for you, I have them) to keep track of things. but as I discovered, worldbuilding takes time, is fluid, and will never end. So this is an ongoing thing.
3. Antagonist! Yes, Unser LIVES! I have never worked so hard to prepare a character, and I LOVE him. He is so evil! In all the best ways. I learned a lot remoulding him from the sketchy bits I've had sitting around all these years.
4. Protagonist! Yes, Jax lives! And so does Aneli! And I have three more! But WOW, I have never been fond of character studies, but for some reason, with the approach we take, it is working for me. If anyone is curious and would like to see, holler. Next up is Minions. Minions? Okay, I do have one in mind, and she is one wicked thing, so she will be fun to work on. So yeah. By the time I am done with all these, writing the basic outline of the story will be a piece of red velvet cupcake.
and there is a bit more behind the cut )
We got just a little bit of the big wintry storm early this morning here in North Texas, but it was enough to shut down the city. Both kids' universities were closed, though my daughter spent the night at a friend's. She called this morning, upset and freaked out--she was trying to get home, and got the car stuck in ice. *sigh* Fortunately lotsa boys came to her rescue and they got her out--she should've been home in 15 minutes, but with all the road closings and general mess it took her almost two hours. No sanding, no salting, the city's solution was to just close roads. Oh, Texas!

OH LOL all the universities around are closed again. TCU, TCC, UTA, North Texas...which means all the regular schools will be too. WE CANNOT COPE! WE JUST CANNOT COPE! I am laughing. Oh man. Oh, Texas!

So, the job hunt continues. Not much to report there, not at all. We're doing okay though...bills for Feb are paid in full, and there's still enough in the bank not to panic yet. I really rather not spend that on bills and general living--I kinda want to go see [livejournal.com profile] cruentum, you know? I miss him terrible-fierce, and we're about to hit the one-year mark since we saw each other last. This is the longest stretch we've gone, and we don't like it. Not at all. Today was his first day at his new job and it was okay but rough too, yeah, new job blues, the new kid on the block, etc. -- the joys of starting any new job, but compounded with it being in a different country makes it tougher, I think. He really has done amazing, though. You bet I am proud of my baby. :)

I signed up to beta for [livejournal.com profile] paperlegends. I'll be tending to a couple of others already, but I do love beta'ing, and so many are asking for help. It makes me happy and feel positive to do things for others, especially after a terrible January of blueness. I need it. I got really, really depressed--almost 15 years associated with the railroad, poof. Gone. Yes it does help tremendously that everyone I cared about is also gone, but you bet I am in mourning. It is so damn sad. Sigh. I hope I can find another job I care about as much, but I don't know if I will. For about 8 years there, things were beautiful, and the thought of leaving? Oh hell no. And then.... *throws hands up* And then.

Still waiting to hear from my publisher, argh. I WANT WORD! Like, NOW. That would be nice. LOL. My editor promised to get to the ms as soon as possible but I do have to wait my turn. OMG I nearly spelled that 'tern'. LOL. January, was too frozen brain-wise and heart-wise to start anything new, but everyone keeps telling me I *am* allowed to have some fun, so I'm working on a couple of new stories. One is for Loose-Id, and the other is my first serious stab at the not-urban (but rustic!) fantasy genre. My writing group is hugely supportive (and whip-crackery!) so I'm optimistic about it going well. The new fic for my publisher is SPLASH PAGE (title via the marvelous [livejournal.com profile] amand_r and yes Mander I swiped it from Blue!), and boy do I have alot to learn about the comics world. FUN research though! Very fun. :)

Got my computer back from the shop, it works great, stays way cool and comfy but the fan! It is louder! My computer would be terrible at hide and seek! The CPU is staying quite cool so I guess I should not complain, but anyone have any thoughts about fans, holler.

And now to go figure out two guys' names for my new story. Maybe if I start working on this, I'll stop angsting over hearing re: my other ms. *bites nails*

I leave you with PUPPIES! Happy huskies in the 'snow.' Yes, that is all we got. Oh, Texas!

snowsnowwhee )
Remember how I posted a couple of posts ago about how Doran, the boss boss from Topeka who fired everyone I cared about at B&W, including my dear boss, was in town? Well guess what! Today, using the most lame, ridiculous and stupidest reasons I've ever heard, he fired me. Yup. Gone. Toast. Christmas week. That is it. 9.5 years with the company mean nothing to him--he wanted me out and he came up with the way. He didn't give a damn about my rock-solid history with the company (he has been with B&W since April). In fact he pretty much told me he didn't believe Chris ever evaluated me honestly. Too good to be true? Nope. I am that good. LOLOL. Word was flying around BNSF, all the people I helped hearing about it (and on the heels of Chris), already and Chris has heard from one who wants to talk to me. It is no secret (he tells me) that after all the work we did in our office was shipped up to Topeka that the quality plummeted. I believe it, as I had super-high standards and wasn't doing it anymore. Rawr. He hears complaints, which I knew, but yeah. Wow.

Soon as I got home I contacted BNSF corporate support, and there are two positions opening early January, both in contracts--lol where I hailed from. Same group. Steve, my former boss there, is happy for me to come back. Chris is there too, and all my old coworkers--I'm going to be welcomed back with open arms.

Insane, huh?

I have to say that though there is shock racing through my system, there are no regrets, there is mostly relief. I did nothing wrong, and I stand by that. I have watched that company go from incredible, awesome, caring and a really fantastic place to work, to a place that now has five people left, and Kevin was interviewing today--he called me on his way, having heard from Juan what happened. Juan too has been polishing his resume with the intent to start hunting after the first of a year.

It has been a fascinating experience, coming into a company--asked to come work there by Chris all those years ago--and doing fantastic work, learning so many new things, and watching it grow and change and catch the excitement of new technologies... And then to see it fall hard as all the best and brightest were systematically pushed out. Splat. And it isn't done yet, I am sure of it. Five people left, one actively looking--what ARE they doing? A year ago we had 14 people there. Now five.

So, here I am! Sitting in my daughter's Starbucks while she works and plies me with coffee. Looks like a couple of weeks off unexpectedly, but with a position after the first of the year. Thank you, Steve! Looking forward to working with that crew again, AND Chris again. :) I'll be cleaning the house and putting the tree up tomorrow with the kids, and we're planning on Tron for Christmas Day and dinner at my friend Leigh Ann's house. It's going to be a good, if very simple Christmas. Next week my sister Leslie and her daughter Lexie are coming, so that will be fun. And then hopefully the following week I can get back to BNSF.

In the meantime, I've got a lot of rewriting to get done, a book to polish, and another to finish. Will try to make the most of these two unexpected weeks off, and make 2011 a different, but awesome year. :)
So, this has been an interesting week. Seven days ago, I finally gave in to my doctor's suggestion and said okay, dammit, I'll try it, I'll try your damn Wellbutrin. I've had 8 doses now and I have to admit, every day has been better than the previous. Tuesday was brilliant followed by a not-so-brilliant Wednesday, but yesterday and today were good. My mind is calming, I'm able to find and keep (at least for a little) that inner peace that has been so damn elusive in my mind. I'm getting things done as a result, and man, that is a huge relief. I really hate being miserable.

I've long struggled with focus, long found it next-to-impossible to actually just sit, by myself, at my computer and relax, keep the evil thoughts at bay, and sink myself into writing. Oddly, I have no problem when it comes to work. Just my own writing (which is very sad isn't it?) I've tried everything short of drugs--heck my boyfriend is a psychologist, he has taught me tons of techniques to help (and they have indeed helped) but man, sometimes it is impossible to keep the edgy, teary-eyed, over-reactive, depressed and blue fractured constantly-on-the-verge-of-tears thoughts at bay by sheer force and will. Sucks, really sucks. Sigh. So I gave in, got the damned drugs, and am hoping that things continue to get better. I hope so, I hope so.

Nano is this month as all know and despite a few days of crises (that led up to calling the doc) I am doing very very well with Nano, for the first time ever. I'm hitting the halfway mark today, which thrills me to pieces. Yeah yeah I am way behind but I am doing Nano not to write a 50k book from word 1 to word 50,000, but to finish this ms that I started two years ago--two freaking years ago. Right now I am around 62k, with a goal of 80k. I have about 6-7 scenes to go until it is done. I rewrite as I go, but it will need a clean-up rewrite, and I also need to make sure all my characterizations are in-line (especially after stringing the characters along for two freaking years).

I love the optimism I feel right now, this second, this peace that comes with knowing I can do this. AM doing this. Given this will be the first manuscript I've completed in almost FIVE years? Yeah. This is big. I'm going to be able to turn this puppy in sometime in December, which leaves me ecstatic beyond words. Hopefully will make my editor ecstatic, too... It better! More like she will probably faint.

Next ms for Loose-Id, my goal is to write it, start to finish, in three months. I know I can do this if my stupid mind lets me and I don't succumb to the mess that my brain has been for so long.

After that, the rest of 2011 will be devoted to the fantasy.

Other things--I've now watched all the episodes of Supernatural, and while I am glad I waited until now to do this, it is kinda sad I didn't enjoy the show all these years. Oh well! I have now, and I especially love Dean. By rights I should be really annoyed with him--he is an awful lot like alot of guys I've known and heck, he's a Texas boy to boot, so...yeah. But, really have enjoyed watching the show lots, sharing the fun with Nick and with Blue aka [livejournal.com profile] blue_fjords. Dean's characteristics have kinda snuck into my current ms, the Lee character...LOL. I can't see this as a bad thing, except the rewrite will be more complicated as a result. Darn you Dean Winchester! Why are you so perfect???

I am baking bread tomorrow! I'm using a recipe of [livejournal.com profile] spiderine's that involves beer and two kinds of flour and lots of dough-smacking. Should be fun. I am not budging from the house the rest of the weekend, and am excited about making bread. LOL!

YULETIDE--yes, I changed mine at the last minute, I did. I like looking at the last minute to see what needs offers, and try to pick those I believe would be great fun. I also added a request--Day of the Triffids! I must remember to tell [livejournal.com profile] misswinterhill as she is the person who convinced me to read the book. I love post-apocalyptic novels for some reason, and this one is just fantastic. The movie was dorky. I think they are remaking it, actually. WAIT! THE BBC DID A TWO PART MINI-SERIES in 2009!!! I must find it!!!!!

NICK IS CALLING ME!!!

LOL okay we talked a long time. Man that was nice, usually he goes to sleep well, well before 8 p.m. my time. We both miss (terribly!) the days he could stay up into the wee hours and get up late, making our up-times match more closely (oh the fun of long-distance partnerships, huh) but...real life and jobs have put an end to that. Funny thing though is now I am not used to him staying up so late so I had to fuss at him to GO TO BED so I could write. :) Sorry baby...LOL!!

What else? Daughter's interview for Teach for America is in a couple of weeks--things look very good for her to get a position. Where though? We don't know--Somewhere, USA. My sister and I vote for Nashville (cuz my sister is there, yeah?).

No other plans for the weekend--just play with my puppies, talk with Nick, write, bake bread, write more, laundry, write, write, write. And write some more.

And, most importantly, stay happy. That'd sure be nice.
If you would like to read my entries, just leave a comment here and I'll more than likely be happy to friend you back. Unless of course you are one of those Russian bots. [livejournal.com profile] green_knight suggested I leave a few posts open to show whoever what I'm like, so I chose a few from my trip to Wales. Not that I have strangers popping by here wondering who [livejournal.com profile] paragraphs is, but you never know. :)

What Is Your Battle Cry?

Zang! Who is that, rampaging along the freeway! It is Paragraphs, hands clutching a reflective halberd! She screams ominously:

"Blood and souls for my dark lord! I hereby snap and go berzerk!"

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