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Okay so I am really and truly enjoying this show.  I've tired of dark shows (looking at you Jessica Jones--though you were brilliant, I am just worn out by brutality) so after mainlining Eureka, where I would like to live thank you, I decided to finallly get going on this show that I've heard about for so many years.   Am well into season two now and it is really cool to see the variety of situations they come up with.  A time or two a few things have sparked ideas for my story, which is very unexpected.

Today's writing was a continuance of working on the rest of my plot.  It is weird that I can't quite see the ending yet, but I think I sort of kind of know how it is going to go.  I had to come up with something for the hodderscape synopsis -- it may work, but may not, not sure.  I just sure wish I was done with this first draft.  Even though I'm writing one way or the other almost every day, it is just creeping along so slowly.  How do you people write so fast, you who write fast?  My brain just doesn't work that way, though I am writing faster than I have been.  So I guess that is something?  Was hoping it would be done by end of January - end of February is probably more reasonable.  WIsh I could just take a week off, grab my dog and head out somewhere pretty and beautiful to work on it nonstop.  Ah well.  Gotta work. Sigh.

I think Maddox has the right idea.   Night folks.


Just five minutes ago I realized that so far during nano, I have basically written two chapters. That doesn't sound like much, and it isn't, but that has been a chapter a week, which was always my happy pace In Times Before.  I still have about 12,000 words total okay less now that I spent the afternoon choppiting at what I have because of changes to a character that needed to be fixed, and the need to weave in a journal of folk songs that will prove important later. And somehow now I have more like 9,000 words over 2.5 chapters.  A chapter a week is a good pace with me what with helping MIL, tending to stuff at home, and working.  I'd like to do more than that, sure, but 1100 or so words a day most days seems to be where my brain is geared. So I'm going with it.

more nonsense behind the cut )

My daughter has a Ron Weasley sweater on it.  Big R (for our last name too - convenient!).  I want one!!!

In your own space, post a rec for at least three fanworks that you have created. It can be your favorite fanworks that you've created, or fanworks you feel no one ever saw, or fanworks you say would define you as a creator.

I ran across this on [ profile] pir8fancier's lj. She mentioned a couple of her Harry Potter fics and I thought omg, I wrote a couple of HP fanfics ages ago. Many many ages ago. Then I realized...I don't have any copies anymore! Anywhere! So I decided to hunt them down, and get them onto AO3 in case someday I ever want to read them again, or something.

It took a bit of hunting, but I finally found them! Fortunately both were written for fests. I can count on 2 hands the number of fanfics I've ever written (at least before the two fests I did this past year to challenge myself re writing short) - but these two I enjoyed writing very much. So here they are, saved forever now on AO3. Will get the others I found (a Torchwood fic, a Being Human fic) up on AO3 too.

Haven - a Harry/Draco fic. Draco Malfoy has been tried and convicted for his war crimes; only the question of his punishment remains.


Roots - a Neville Longbottom fic. After Gran's death, Neville uncovers a mystery surrounding his parents' past.

Both of these were written in 2007, so before all the books had come out. I recently rewatched all the Harry Potter movies and it made me miss all the HP fun (at least the little that I was involved in). I'm not currently in a fandom and rereading these have made me all nostalgic for the funtimes that being in a fandom brings.

The third fic for this challenge though is a fanfic that touched me deeply, because it was written about two men who were real life lovers, the composer Benjamin Britten and tenor Peter Pears.

Piano e forte

Both are long gone now, but they left behind letters, beautiful, touching letters of their love for each other. When I got them for Yuletide 2009, I was quickly swept up into their world and those letters - the content and the writing style - and absolutely adored bringing them to fictional life. Someday I would love to write a bigger story about them, or loosely based on them.

personal rambles )

And hey LJ, miss you, miss all those who have left here (even though many I still have in other ways). Always think about pouring my heart out here, like I used to, but... just isn't the same anymore. Tend to keep things locked in my head these days. Hunting for these fics took me back to an old lj I had, and I hardly recognize myself in those old posts, the happy bouncy me of old. Kinda makes me sad. Have I let things change so much? Wish I could recapture those times, push aside those things that keep me from the good happy things. Anyway, looking ahead like everyone else to having a good 2014. And like lots of others, glad to put a mostly-stressful year behind me. 2013 wasn't all THAT bad though!
Maybe, hopefully, and well, probably, I will have time during vacation (two solid weeks!) to write a proper post. So many good things going on lately, and life changes, and plans being made! I want to share them! I do! Just... no time!

I really really need that vacation.



Nov. 4th, 2012 08:21 pm
paragraphs: Come Travel with Me (Default)
I miss writing here, I honestly do. I keep meaning to start up again, but every time I begin a post, I end up deleting it. Think there is just too much going on in my mind right now to put it out there completely to the world at large. My solo life here hasn't been setting well with me lately (especially since Nick was here and gone again), but am taking steps to try and shake that up, get out and meet more people (via Nano, and also next Saturday night going to a drumming circle event in Arlington). It isn't easy though. I think the emptiness of my house gets to me (though my son is still here but he's busy with school and work and his own life, you know?) and I can't shake the feeling that this is my life from now on. Really hate the quiet of my evenings, and tend to just go to bed so the next day will start sooner.

So general stuff:

Doing Nano, but am using it more to finish the edits on IMBM, and rewrite Wayward, which has a new cast and new title, and a new destination once completed. Sci fi thriller--am finding it a lot of fun to twist words and rework things to increase the thrill factor. LOL. Learning, always learning. Also for sheer fun have started a mystery series idea that seized me last week.

Spent most of the weekend away from the house. Sorry puppies...last weekend I didn't leave the house at all.

On IMBM, I pulled it from my publisher. Many reasons for doing so, and it was a risk, but five months, almost six, had gone by without a contract, very little contact with my editor, and frankly, I kinda snapped during GRL (which was amazing and wonderful). I have a new home targeted for it but am currently putting it BACK where it was set originally, but was convinced to change it to a US setting. Other things going on made me want to move on but honestly? The main reason? I don't feel like I belong there. I don't write and don't want to write the kinds of stories that they want. I've just grown into a different writer over the years.

What else? Work is going well. My boss is appreciative and very nice, lots of fun to work for, though the work itself is very challenging and demanding. I feel sometimes I take stupid pills... a couple of times last week I did X instead of Z, only realizing afterwards what a dolt I was. I mean, seriously. I cannot screw this job up - still have a week bit of nervousness about being good enough to do this. It is almost two years now - Dec. 20th - since I got fired. Winning my unemployment case definitely helped, but that little wee bit of fear it will happen again is still there. Possibly always will be (and likely why I am so damn hard on myself).

Dogs are being escape artists lately. Maddox, that is - there is a pit bull two houses over, and he hears that dog, and wants to go see him so he digs and pulls at the planks, breaks through the fence, goes through a neighbor's back yard and messes with the pit bull. A bit scary, that - the dog is a nice dog, thank goodness. I don't trust Maddox, ever. I'd hoped by the time he reached 5 he would settle down and be a good dog but nooo... his curiosity is too high, and he views any blockage to his quest for freedom as an obstacle that must be surmounted. Scares me.

Anything else? Besides my struggle to stay (happy, is what came to mind, hmm) keep life on an even keel, have put myself back on the health bandwagon. Am tired of saying "just need to lose 15 more lbs!" and am doing it. So far so good, am doing the hardcore diet I did a few years ago when I lost all the majority of weight.

Um... I will be so glad when the election is over. I've never been so nervous about an election, ever. I voted on Friday, daughter voted absentee, son is voting after class on Tuesday. Yeah, nervous about the outcome. Quite so.

And once again, my fingers hover over the delete key. Will post this time though, I guess. Guess I had more to say than I thought?
Another month is gone, whisked away by a clicking tock and leaving me here wondering 'what did I do this month?' Not much, honestly, except for work which, thankfully, oh so thankfully, is going very well. My boss and I share similar character traits - a weird, offbeat quirkiness, a love all things English (and Welsh! for me at least), books, plants, animals and helping people who get into horrible situations out of sheer stupidity. We have a few cases like that, true heart-breakers, and while we won't make a dime helping these people, somehow keeping a wife from being indicted, and helping a lady get her dead mother's things back from a too-quick to gleefully snatch and run neighbor, it feels good to do. I am glad I work for someone like this, even if LOL sometimes he just stares at me like I am nuts. Okay I am, but that is okay! Right?

Nick is here in less than two weeks, and while the visit will be too damn short (sigh) it is nonetheless an awesome thing and I am so looking forward to seeing him again in the flesh, and road tripping! We will be off to New Mexico... going via Roswell, NM absolutely on purpose. First to Santa Fe for a day of just tromping around, as one does, and then to the GRL conference in Albuquerque. I am super-intrigued about going to Albuquerque as I did such an extensive railroad project there. I know the rails that zoom through there, oh yes I do! LOL.

Learned recently that my old job - been gone almost 2 years now? wow - had major layoffs.

Writing...well. Still waiting to hear from my editor, and other than that, have been busy living and working and such, and haven't written much. I've quit a few times, stabbed at different genres, quit again, and probably will yet again. But, I keep going back to it because it is what I have, and I am proud of what I have done for the most part. My confidence currently sits at about the same level as a cockroach (low low low) and I am trying to figure out why that is. Self-doubt sucks, and I can't see where it has any place in one's life, how it is useful at all. I would just rather not experience it at all, okay? Yeah. new love to read after a huge spate of YA fiction. We'll see how long this lasts.

But now I must go - am still at work and the boss brought me a tape. (checks time) Okay probably won't finish it today but I have nothing to do when I get home except walk the dogs so might as well just go ahead and finish it. Yes?
Boring, but maybe this will help me stay focused:

1. Get up by 8 a.m. no matter what!
2. Finish up rewrite on Chapters 7, 8 and 9.
3. Use new juicer and make green juice for the day (got my new juicer today! whee!) They came out great! I made one for my daughter, and two for me.
4. Lunchtime! Eat spinach and avocado salad, swai
5. Clean kitchen

Oops, 3. hasn't happened yet... First thing after lunch!

1. Finish reading last article for class
2. Write out 3 discussion questions and thinky thoughts - last time! :*( [okay :*) really]
3. Hammer out rough outline for final exam paper (4-6 pages over this question: Use your assigned readings, our discussions, lectures, and films (from the second half of our class) to reflect on what you have learned about how colonized peoples dealt with asymmetrical power relations in constructing their layered identities. You may choose to focus on actual people (Frantz Fanon, Osman Hamdi Bey, etc.), or the fictionalized characters that different authors and filmmakers created to convey their ideas, or both. This paper should be about 4 to 6 pages long.) I am choosing to focus on the Filipino peoples, and the movie Dubai (about Filipinos in Dubai) which we watched in class and I brought home to finish watching. Due December 15th by midnight.

1. Go buy new black pants
2. Prepare lunch and juice for tomorrow
3. Get clothes ready for work (I work at Unnamed Law Firm again tomorrow)
4. Begin work on Chapter 10
5. Bedtime - 11 p.m., no later

And that will be my day tomorrow. Goodnight!

What I will NOT do tomorrow:
1. Let the blues get me - CHECK!
2. Graze - Well...
3. Watch shows all day - Watched two
4. Crawl into bed - CHECK!

Tomorrow should be very productive! Yup yup yup!

All in all, am a happy camper with the day. Those darn discussion questions always take longer than I expect. But, they are done! YAY!!!
Not much going on here - yes, am doing Nano but dang it, despite the fact I am currently not working, time seems to skitter away from me - spent the weekend helping my friend Cid move to her new place, and most of the rest of my free time was spent reading a school reading assignment, The Wretched of the Earth by Frantz Fanon.

This book has intrigued me for an unexpected reason - I finished reading part II this evening, but what has absolutely fascinated me, and caught my imagination, is how I can readily apply the dynamics of a revolution (colonized v. colonizer) to my current fantasy wip (the one that I haven't started yet, so probably isn't a wip quite yet). I have long planned to write Jax's world as an occupied one, but until this book (and this class, which focuses on culture and empire), I didn't have the meat so to speak that I needed to detail a believable scenario. I have it now. While reading part II especially, I found myself fictionalizing it in my mind, which of my characters would be doing what (and why, the all important WHY). I could see what roles my Oppressors should play (and WHY), and have found myself totally caught up in the possibilities for writing I am gleaning from this required reading.

Good times.

Been emailing my classmate Ethan all evening about it - study-group-via-email? - oh yeah, why not? He was going to drop out of this class, despite having a solid B and making an A on the midterm, as he was letting it get to him, how difficult it is (demanding more than difficult, really - the professor IS rather awesome), but I was so happy that he decided to stay in. There isn't much time left after all!

I've signed up for my next class, another special-topics history class. Should be a good one - European history, race, religion and politics, yo.

After that, I only have Algebra, a communications class, and to test out of the computer and English Comp II classes. Need to get my hands on a study guide of some sort for the computer competency test. Not sure when I will take those.

If I could just knock out the communications class this summer, I could conceivably graduate in December! *thunk*

And after that? My heart and brain and love of history tell me to keep going, dammit - Masters in History, oh yeah, at UTA. Double oh yeah. I have a weird vision of just going and going and going with this...I think it started when I read my professor's dissertation and I thought "oh good grief, I could do this." Um. Yeah. LOL!!! And how awesome it would be too. So we'll see...the future has lots of possibilities.

Son went to Austin tonight with friends to see Slayer. You bet I am freaked out and worried to death but trying to be chill and calm and all that. Oh man... *bites nails*

Daughter is at work, and is sad she can't afford to take any additional classes in the spring, even one. I am sad too, as I sincerely hate that I can't help her any. While I am very grateful to be on unemployment, I am horrificly distressed about it, too. If there was only something I could do at home that would bring in a guaranteed 2k a month... LOL. Yeah. I know.

Every day except today I've made myself get out of the house, go to Starbucks, and be around people. That has helped but I hate this feeling of "I am not worthy of enjoying this time off because I should not be unemployed." Okay enough of that. Those of you who have been there, know this all too well.

What else? Not much else. I hope to finish up this homework reading tomorrow morning so I can write my discussion questions and finally get back to work on writing. The rewrite is going slow, but I love all two scenes I've finished...

As for my book that is out there, I have no idea how it is doing. I don't want to know, as I did see some comments that make me groan (comparisons to the first book are many, and complaints the 2nd is not like the first - no, it isn't, because no book will ever be like that first book - I am no longer that person, THANK THE STARS).

And that is all for now. Hope all of you guys are doing well.
Seems I took about 520 pictures on my trip to the UK to see Nick. LOL. I loaded them off my phone this morning (sigh, yes, am back on correct time zone now, bah), and now will have to sort through them. I took pictures of the goofiest things! Lots of pics of Nick (go figure), and a few of me and him together (points to user pic).

We did so much, in only two weeks! It'll take a bit to hammer it all out into proper posts, but I'll get there.

Am I glad to be home? No. I missed the kids, and the dogs, but that is pretty much all I missed. Lots of deep thoughts going on in my head re: stuff, and what the future will bring, but I know what *I* want. Just have to make it happen, right?

School starts this month, on the 25th! EEEEE!!! I am nervous! Also, a bit sighy that I have to go to class Tuesdays and THursdays--my precious Thursdays aka #writersdatenight with my friends. BOO HISS ME. But we will still have Saturdays together so that is good. :)

Guess I better consider getting into the shower now. Return to work at that law firm today--it'll be interesting to see what is happening there. Now that I am back, it is time to make some decisions, just not sure I can yet. LOL. I want to work there, but if there truly is not going to be any hope of that, come September, I will have to make other plans. Bah.

More later, tonight perhaps--got loads to share!
Tomorrow finishes up my initial two weeks at the law firm, filling in for someone who is dealing with cancer. I'll be back there to jump in when she starts radiation, unless I find something ahead of time. I love the law firm, but omg that is the most boring desk EVER.

I am continually caught up, despite having three lawyers to 'care' for. I really like one of them especially--I would work for him full-time! He cracks me up, a little gnome of a man who was in law school when I was in elementary school. He is funny and has expressed impatience with his current legal secretary's inability to handle Word (they use Wordperfect and Word there, but the older secretaries favor Wordperfect which is more along the lines of Word 2003). I've fixed a few things for him because I do know Word well, and he is ecstatic--tomorrow, he will write a personal letter and, whee, I will print it out on small stationery, and print off envelopes. LOL. Such excitement! The other two attorneys--one is in securities and such, and is very easy to deal with, and the third, an associate, does all his own work.

That is, I can see, the wave of the future...I think the days of new attorneys dictating everything rather than writing it all out themselves is near-over. Legal secretaries do other things now, but at this desk? Not enough. OMG yawn. LOL.

Unless I find another job in the meantime, in four weeks when she begins radiation, I will go back and fill in again. It'll be unpredictable though--depends on how she handles the radiation. :*(

But! Happily thanks to the quiet this week, I had printed my ms out at home and brought parts of it up every day, and over the last four days during the minutes/hours I had nothing (eek!) to do, I worked on it. Finished up the last of the first pass tonight! YAY!

Gameplan--Saturday, get up, get ready and head for Panera, which is bright and roomy and has fooods, and big tables. It is the go-to place for TCU students to study, but they are out now so there should be no problem in finding a good spot.

Not much else going on. Kid graduated last weekend, did family stuff all weekend. Worked on ms, brushed the dogs a lot (coat blowing season). Once this ms is turned in, I'll be attacking my big bang project full-on, and cannot WAIT to just have some fun with writing first draft stuff again.

I also need to get back into the swing of the fantasy, and wrap up the planning stages. I just want to get started writing the damn thing, you know? I would like to have a good start before school starts in the fall. ARGH.

And that is all I know for now.
Power thoughts from all please? Yes? I'll be in a phone hearing re: my unemployment benefits with That Rat Bastard who fired me. I feel confident because I know they don't have a case, but I also know that That Rat Bastard has embellished the truth. He has no real proof though that I said certain things, and the first hearing already went in my favor, so those are pluses.

Still, having to deal with this makes me freaking angry, you know? I want this settled, I want to get on with things, I kinda even want a job soon...and I want to get back to school.

NEWS THERE--I got my letter of acceptance yesterday! So I am officially a student again at UT-Arlington, to start Fall 2011. Oh whee! After Monday--everything is after Monday--I will call and get a time set up to go in and figure out what I need to take. MATHS I need a MATHS class--be prepared for me to collapse and flail! I will not take it first. I'll take it...later. Yeah. Later...

Been reading lots today about that certain NY Times article regarding epic fantasy, Game of Thrones--hello, which I adored, and last I looked I was female--and it really really makes me wonder what the heck I am getting into, pursuing this genre. I actually don't know if my fantasy would be considered 'epic' -- perhaps, perhaps just traditional fantasy, I don't know. I want to get more involved with the genre's peeps--all that 'building the name' stuff--but it is kinda hard to know how to go about it, and yeah, considering my writing 'epic fantasy' and given the realities of the epic fantasy is no wonder I prefer to hang out with my writing group, who are paranormal romance and urban fantasy writers for the most part. They love me regardless of what I write. Smile. I feel safe in their circle!

At this point, just writing the damn book(s) is probably the first line of order, and what I am concentrating on. You should see my OneNote. How did I live without OneNote, I ask you? It has made organizing a breeze. Have put so so so SO much work into it so far and still haven't written a thing of actual story. Good work though, working on it some almost every day. Except for this week as I have been mental a bit, fretting about Monday... Yeah. But after Monday, I should, no WILL be getting back to it. I am almost, almost ready to start hammering out the outline--I certainly know my characters better than I ever thought I would. So that at least is good. Yes.

If not epic, what are fantasy authors like Elizabeth Hayden, Melanie Rawn, Mercedes Lackey considered? Not epic fantasy? Then...what? Am currently reading Hayden's RHAPSODY... it is right up my alley. I like it. I want to be like Haydon. LOL. But moreso, Jacqueline Carey--I have a new one of hers to read, whee! I consider her historical fantasy--sorta. But not really. More... stretched-historical fantasy...but I love her Kushiel books. Some more than others, sure, but mostly yes.

As far as fandom fun goes--been having a blast every weekend helping Nick out with the timed writings group for [ profile] paperpushers. I am beta'ing two more peoples now for the big bang--yay!--and love both their stories and am excited to see how they progress. Also of course Nick, who is making great progress, and Jenny, who is not yet, but will. Soon. :) I love beta'ing good writers! They make ME a better writer, too. Love that! Plus I just like to see others figure out how to make themselves shine.

Anything else? Not really...finally got 90% of the money owed me by former work, and still no news yet from Loose-Id, but I do have my Carolyn Gray website all fixed up and am happy with that. Even taking a stab at actively twittering as her but it is weird... Twitter is another place I prefer my safe, cozy group of people who I know, each and every one. Quirky me, yeah.

So, wish me luck, thanks, really do appreciate it--and hopefully by 2:00 central it will be all over with and I can just relax and and and and...write. :)
I've not been much in the mood for posting, lately. It certainly isn't due to lack of is just being on twitter, and in a couple of email groups, I tend to spread whatever news I have through those means rather than here. Sorry, LJ...I forget about you. Plus, right now talking about myself isn't that entertaining.

Nothing much has changed yet. I am still unemployed, though I do have an interview on Monday I am very hopeful about. It is with a law firm that I did a lot of freelance work for years ago...literally right before I started working with the railroad in various capacities (which lasted for 16 years altogether). I had called the law firm during the snow week we had last week, just to see if they were still using freelancers. Only talked to the receptionist, learned that they were, and told them okay, awesome, I'll call back. Before I got a chance to, on Wednesday the personnel director, who is the same one from so long ago, had hunted up my number, called me, and said please would you come in and interview? I always liked her tons, and she me, and I said, "You bet!" It was nice to be hunted down like that. I loved freelancing there...the attorneys were great, even the two I worked for the most, who had reps of being hardasses. (One male, one female--ha, the female one, can't remember her name but she is gone from there now--even told me I was the only freelancer she ever liked. Go me).

So, other than that, nothing much else new. I am fighting for my unemployment, which hopefully I won't even need. Getting my hair cut today into something, I don't know what, but I need Style, then daughter and I are off to buy an interview suit tomorrow afternoon.

I just wrote a bunch of stuff about writing, but am going to make that a separate post.

Anyway, that's the state of me. Writing, meeting with friends, talking with Nick as much as possible :), trying not to worry about not having a job yet, and staying warm. Two weeks of crazy cold and snow and ice, and I, personally, am done. Enough. No more please. This is the time of year I am glad I live where I least when we get the frigid weather, it doesn't last long. Brrrr! I admire all you Northern peoples for what you have to put up with, though the snow is just beautiful, and the dogs loved it so very, very much.
What a couple of weeks this has been. Per agreement with Nick, I will not think about, discuss, muse over, reflect upon, nor mention my former employer again. I am done. Instead, I will treasure the wonderful friends I made there--Cody, Jeremy, Chris, Leigh Ann, Tommy and Kevin, and the good years we had working together--and forget everything else. Today I had lunch with Cody, Leigh Ann and Tommy, and next week will with Chris, Leigh Ann and Kevin. Kevin is the only one still there, and he has his last interview for a new job in the morning. He predicts giving notice shortly. There will be three left then. Three plus the weasel, who has turned out to be the biggest, most disappointing friendship in my life. They can have it. Oh yeah.
clicky this please )
Today I decided to go ahead and bust out my Christmas user pic. Mander drew that on a post-it last year and I made it a pic then and just love it. It makes me grin.

Today is Day 26 of Nano. My stats are as such:

Nano words: 42,206

Total wordcount: 75,964 - That is just over 6k since my last report, 4k of which was written today. What a brilliant, lovely writing day today was, with 1500 in the morning, and the rest this evening. Enjoyed a leisurely afternoon with Nick. :)

I still need 7,794 words to 'win' at this game called Nano. There is a certain gleeful excitement about achieving this.

I am the last of my group of my local kids to hit 50k. That's okay, they adore me anyway. They say so.

Plot points to write still: 9 (thank the stars, no more sex scenes lol)

Nanostats: thinks now I won't hit 50k until December 1st. This is much better than two days ago.

Estimated final wordcount: I think with 9 points to go, and I've got 75k already... um... I am starting to think that I will indeed be right around 100k by the time I am done.

Nano is going very well indeed.


Tonight my MIL asked me to go with her to tell her son that his sister is losing it mentally and is psychotic. Cops were called today when SIL tried to assault a friend of my MIL's as my MIL was trying to move stuff into her condo. Lovely, huh. Cops had a hard time calming Mary(Sil) down. It was really ugly, apparently, and they told MIL there was nothing they could do today. MIL told me she is going to have her daughter evicted from the condo, she says, which will take a court order, as MIL let Mary move into the condo, not realizing she herself would need to leave where she is and live there herself. It is a bad situation that is just going to get worse. I didn't say yes or no, just 'I hope it doesn't come to that' re: going to tell her son who, I believe, is trying to avoid the whole thing and is hiding from them all. Lovelier and lovelier. I do not want to see him. Sorry.

I am sick to death of these people.

MIL has papers from when Mary was court-committed before (oh yeah, 1994) and was told then that if something happened again, to go back to them so I told her to do that before she does anything. I don't know what else to advise.

I just want to be free of these people--and I could be if I would turn my back on my MIL, but that is something I could not and would not do. I wish she had a friend's she could stay at, that she would go visit her cousin for awhile, but she doesn't want to be a bother... WTH.


Effing hell.


PUPPYCAM! A friend's friend's malamute had puppies and they have a puppycam where they can be watched. Puppies are so cute and adorable and these puppies will be show and competitive puppies, probably all already spoken for. They are growing like crazy!

So, this has been an interesting week. Seven days ago, I finally gave in to my doctor's suggestion and said okay, dammit, I'll try it, I'll try your damn Wellbutrin. I've had 8 doses now and I have to admit, every day has been better than the previous. Tuesday was brilliant followed by a not-so-brilliant Wednesday, but yesterday and today were good. My mind is calming, I'm able to find and keep (at least for a little) that inner peace that has been so damn elusive in my mind. I'm getting things done as a result, and man, that is a huge relief. I really hate being miserable.

I've long struggled with focus, long found it next-to-impossible to actually just sit, by myself, at my computer and relax, keep the evil thoughts at bay, and sink myself into writing. Oddly, I have no problem when it comes to work. Just my own writing (which is very sad isn't it?) I've tried everything short of drugs--heck my boyfriend is a psychologist, he has taught me tons of techniques to help (and they have indeed helped) but man, sometimes it is impossible to keep the edgy, teary-eyed, over-reactive, depressed and blue fractured constantly-on-the-verge-of-tears thoughts at bay by sheer force and will. Sucks, really sucks. Sigh. So I gave in, got the damned drugs, and am hoping that things continue to get better. I hope so, I hope so.

Nano is this month as all know and despite a few days of crises (that led up to calling the doc) I am doing very very well with Nano, for the first time ever. I'm hitting the halfway mark today, which thrills me to pieces. Yeah yeah I am way behind but I am doing Nano not to write a 50k book from word 1 to word 50,000, but to finish this ms that I started two years ago--two freaking years ago. Right now I am around 62k, with a goal of 80k. I have about 6-7 scenes to go until it is done. I rewrite as I go, but it will need a clean-up rewrite, and I also need to make sure all my characterizations are in-line (especially after stringing the characters along for two freaking years).

I love the optimism I feel right now, this second, this peace that comes with knowing I can do this. AM doing this. Given this will be the first manuscript I've completed in almost FIVE years? Yeah. This is big. I'm going to be able to turn this puppy in sometime in December, which leaves me ecstatic beyond words. Hopefully will make my editor ecstatic, too... It better! More like she will probably faint.

Next ms for Loose-Id, my goal is to write it, start to finish, in three months. I know I can do this if my stupid mind lets me and I don't succumb to the mess that my brain has been for so long.

After that, the rest of 2011 will be devoted to the fantasy.

Other things--I've now watched all the episodes of Supernatural, and while I am glad I waited until now to do this, it is kinda sad I didn't enjoy the show all these years. Oh well! I have now, and I especially love Dean. By rights I should be really annoyed with him--he is an awful lot like alot of guys I've known and heck, he's a Texas boy to boot, so...yeah. But, really have enjoyed watching the show lots, sharing the fun with Nick and with Blue aka [ profile] blue_fjords. Dean's characteristics have kinda snuck into my current ms, the Lee character...LOL. I can't see this as a bad thing, except the rewrite will be more complicated as a result. Darn you Dean Winchester! Why are you so perfect???

I am baking bread tomorrow! I'm using a recipe of [ profile] spiderine's that involves beer and two kinds of flour and lots of dough-smacking. Should be fun. I am not budging from the house the rest of the weekend, and am excited about making bread. LOL!

YULETIDE--yes, I changed mine at the last minute, I did. I like looking at the last minute to see what needs offers, and try to pick those I believe would be great fun. I also added a request--Day of the Triffids! I must remember to tell [ profile] misswinterhill as she is the person who convinced me to read the book. I love post-apocalyptic novels for some reason, and this one is just fantastic. The movie was dorky. I think they are remaking it, actually. WAIT! THE BBC DID A TWO PART MINI-SERIES in 2009!!! I must find it!!!!!


LOL okay we talked a long time. Man that was nice, usually he goes to sleep well, well before 8 p.m. my time. We both miss (terribly!) the days he could stay up into the wee hours and get up late, making our up-times match more closely (oh the fun of long-distance partnerships, huh) but...real life and jobs have put an end to that. Funny thing though is now I am not used to him staying up so late so I had to fuss at him to GO TO BED so I could write. :) Sorry baby...LOL!!

What else? Daughter's interview for Teach for America is in a couple of weeks--things look very good for her to get a position. Where though? We don't know--Somewhere, USA. My sister and I vote for Nashville (cuz my sister is there, yeah?).

No other plans for the weekend--just play with my puppies, talk with Nick, write, bake bread, write more, laundry, write, write, write. And write some more.

And, most importantly, stay happy. That'd sure be nice.
I am the slowest reader ever these days. Between work, commuting, the house, following several television shows, writing, playing with the dogs, doing things with the daughter (when she has time lol, conversing with the son, etc. it takes me a long time to read a book. I listen to books alot at work and those go quickly but of course they are expensive, and many of the books I want to read are not available anyway. But despite my slow reading, I keep buying books! I have put a moratorium on that now--no more book buying, no matter how much I am tempted, until I read five of the following books. But I need help deciding what to read next. Help?

UPDATE! Oh wow Dexter won by a landslide, so he is first! Then Boneshaker then The Dark Half. I can't believe I've never read that one... Then onward after that. Now to see if I can actually read a book in less than three weeks... :) Thanks guys. THat was fun to see answers. LOL. Now I am off to bed with Dexter!

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