paragraphs | I'm always saying this...

I'm always saying this...

Sorry I haven't been here in a long time... Life as always has been a bit on the busy side. If I thought it was going to get quieter with Tiff off at OU, I was mistaken. She's home ALL the time and we talk on the phone now more than ever.

Dogs are doing well--all sixteen paws. I admit I have been doing something rather silly, but I blame Nick and his friend Evelyn. Maddox has a blogspot, and has been having great fun there. I love it because it is lighthearted and silly, and I am still way in the learning process of understanding Siberian Huskies. Northern breeds are truly unique. So different than any dog I've ever had and I've had lots of dogs. Right now the two are on the bed gently playing. They had a huge romp earlier and had a bit of a rest and now are ready to just do some neck biting and such. It is very odd how huskies play. It looks so violent!! They are very in your face (or each others) and they go for each other's throats alot. It is scary to watch but I don't let them get too into it--once Maddox's back fur starts standing huge on edge, it is over and Shelby is banned upstairs. I have to keep Scotty leashed to my bed when they play otherwise he gets upset like he thinks Shelby is going to hurt Maddox.

She is doing great, really thriving now. Putting on weight, fur improving, etc.

Another thing I've become heavily involved in is rpging over on insanejournal. It so much fun, silly relaxed delightful fun. I play a character from a book and Nick plays Alex Krycek from X-Files. Total time-waster, but for the fact its got me writing lots again. That can't be bad, huh.

In other news--my 42 year old BIL announced today that he is going to Iraq. To say we are all dismayed is an understatement. He quit his banking job, signed up for six months volunteering in Iraq. He is a Major in the Air Force, was Army before that (did Air Force reserves). His friends, his family all of us said the same thing -- WHY NOW???? They just moved here, his best friend is pretty angry, even his sister who thinks he can do no wrong is furious with him. His wife is not happy at all, and my daughter cried when I told her. To her, that totally ruins everything, the holidays, Thanksgiving, Christmas. My son just shrugged, said "Why would he do that?" Then he shook his head. No big deal to him, really, as despite always saying he wanted to do stuff with my son, Jim never does. Yeah, I'm pretty damn disappointed, too.

One bad thing about not coming here often is discovering that dear Karen on my flist lost her battle with cancer. I didn't know until almost two weeks after. We were not close, but I sure liked her. She was hilarious and determinedly optimistic, and fought a hard fight. When I think of her, I always smile. Not a bad thing, and one I think she would like to know. I wish she had fulfilled her dream of writing the book about her experiences, but she was not able to. She wanted to touch lives--well, she didn't need to write a book to do that!

Night all--

Carolyn

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I have to apologize for not just emailing you when Karen started deteriorating. I don't know where my head was; I think somehow I thought you were reading LJ and just not posting because of how busy you were. Stupid stupid stupid assumption on my part.

That is shocking news about your BIL. I still am amazed when people make the decision to ship over there. I know, we're into it and we need forces there until we find a way to get out, but I'm still always shocked when someone goes. I'm praying heavily that everyone I know (and everyone connected to someone I know) gets back safely and soon and for good; I'm terrified that we'll still be there four years from now when Wyatt (one of my friends' kids) graduates from Ohio University and he'll go over.

Hmmm ... Tiff's at OU, right? It's a huge place, but how funny would it be if Tiff and Wyatt knew each other?

LOL, Oklahoma University--Boomer Sooners! Different school so yeah, it would be amazing.

Awww Anthony, that is okay. I had a pretty deep feeling that something had happened when I checked her LJ the other day and saw no new posts, but saw alot more comments than there were previously. Quick investigation revealed what happened. Just totally sucks but you know, when I had my brief scare a couple of years ago, she was so amazingly cool and had such optimistic words for me. I was lucky, twas nothing, but man, was she coolness itself. Hope Mr. Fizzyland is doing well. He wins Guy of the Year in my book.

As for my BIL--I really don't know what to think. He has lots of money, has a beautiful newly-redone historic house he and his wife have filled with antiques, he has money, all his friends and family are here...and he is taking off to the most dangerous place in the world, on purpose, because he wants to. *shrug* Not a single person has been happy for him, though everyone is TRYING to understand why. His wife doesn't even understand why.

Russ is doing well. He and I have spoken several times and I feel good knowing he's out and about and deciding what the next step for himself is, carrying Karen with him always in his heart.

Yeah, I guess that would make it more amazing, wouldn't it ... although with facebook, you never know these days who knows who.

Oh yeah, Facebook. Tiff had friends from all over before she even got to school. Brilliant.

Just read through Russ (I think of him as Fizzy!)'s (lol) LJ. My experience was nothing like his. The love they had for each other was worn down to a nib between Kel and I... heartbreaking but true. So much I'd do differently, but I was a different person then, and was not really me--looking back, I can't even understand the person I was then. LOL that is so crazy-sounding, but there was much, much, much going on, so many different levels of good and difficult, the way Kel coped with everything was very difficult for us (including his mother, who has been fantastic to me) to deal with, that there is no reason to talk about now. I don't need to, anymore. I have many regrets but now thankfully I can say that without the enormous guilt and anger. I know I gave everything I had of me, everything I could, so I have no shame, just regrets it couldn't have been different, that I let it cost me so much, cost us so much. I think the person I am now would've made that happen but I am much stronger now. Much.

What they had was truly a beautiful thing. They didn't have long together, but they sure had beautiful, didn't they?

They really did amaze me; the way they came together (well, you and N amaze me for that reason too), trusting that it was the right thing for both of them and turning out be right ... and then their whole year of living precariously but fully in love. I can only hope to find that, or to find what you and N have.

They definitely had beautiful!

Yup, they did. I just add in my own "dammit, it wasn't long enough."

Big smile on my face-- Oh yes, every reason for it not to work with me and Nick, but dang it...here we are, counting down the days again before we see each other. Thankfully we're both very content with how we have each other, for now.

LOL Shelby is wooing at me. Having Huskies is a real trip. I have toast and she knows she can't have it so she is making noises at me.

Silly dog.

She is very silly, very talkative. I love that! Maddox only talks to the other dogs, not me, but SHelby has whole conversations with me. LOL.

Wow, I can totally understand why your family is upset about your BIL going to Iraq :// *big hugs* I'm glad to hear the dogs are doing well!

Thanks, yeah. Just.... Sigh. I guess his happiness is the most important thing, right? But it always has been--and that is why he never knew until Kel had died that his brother was sick. Not entirely his fault--Kel was hard-headed too, believe me, but dang it-- Just-- AHHH!!! MEN!

LOL.

As Kelly the son says, it won't be that much different anyway--we rarely see him now.

Sometimes people are just either dense or self-delusional *hugs*

I have two uncles that I really never see, despite my dad's attempts to include them in a number of things like holiday meals or visiting my Oma. Their loss!

Sorry to hear about your BIL. Bob is over there for the holidays, too.
Glad to hear you and your dogs are doing well though. :)

LOL yeah, I figured Bob would be, too. It just came so out of the blew and so unexpectedly. It is damn heartbreaking. He retired, he left a great job, his wife is very unhappy but trying to be understanding...he has not been 'himself' since he found out Kel was gone, really. I just don't know what to think.

That is sad. Hopefully, he will make it through, just like Bob. :) *hugs*

Well, he is going to be at that base north of Bagdad, he is a Major in the AF, and will be in Logistics. I guess he'll be in about the safest place he can be. I think he is also shocked how upset everyone is...his best friend is FURIOUS with him. Telling him he's done his time and then some.

I think there is alot of hurt going on in Jim, honestly-- he wants to escape, I think. I love the guy, and admire all he's done--he was Army first, then went to AF reserves--but... I look at how dismayed everyone is, how terribly upset my daughter is abuot it, and just hope he finds whatever he thinks he will fidn there. I know he hated his banking job, but is this the answer? He must think so. Sigh.....

Bob is northwest of Bagdad. Ramadi. Is he back in the reserves then? My brother Louie is in the reserves, but he's not had to go yet, fortunately.

OH, Jim is reserves, but he volunteered to go--he ASKED to be sent, for a six month tour.

Balad--that is where he is going. That base in Balad. It is huge and has burger kings and stuff. *rolls eyes* LOL

Nice. Probably air conditioned with good phone lines. The Air Force really is the Best of all the services that way. :)

Well, my brother 'almost' had to go earlier this year, but I guess someone else went in his place. He's in the Army reserves. In the cooking field. An E8 or E9. About the highest an enlisted person can get.

Why would your BIL do that? Odd that I find myself trying to answer this question on Veterans Day.

Same reason countless others before us volunteered to fight all the wars our country has been involved in over the past 200 years.

If your BIL spent years training to be a doctor, would you be a shocked if he turned down his one and perhaps only chance to perform surgery?

Soldiers train to do something we hope we never have to do. I volunteered because I needed to prove to myself it was something I could do when the time came.

"To thy own self, be true."

People have risked their lives doing silly things like climbing mountains, jumping out of perfectly good airplanes, or filming sea life. What's so odd about a person deciding to put themselves in harms way for the benefit of others?

When it's your appointed time to go, it doesn't much matter about the how of it. Be it a bus or a bullet, it's gonna happen. I suppose it's wishful thinking on the part of those left behind to believe that somehow things would have turned out differently.

My wife said it was a selfish decision when I volunteered. Try finding a citizen of Kuwait who would agree with her assessment.

At any rate, thank your BIL for me and tell him an old soldier is praying for his safe and swift return.

I passed on exactly what you wrote. I hope it brings Jim a smile and a nod because his mother has been a total bitch (sorry!) about the whole thing. To the point where he wants no more correspondence from her as it is filled with her anger, disappointment, assertions of his selfishness, etc. Cruel, just plain cruel. His wife has had it with her too.

So this is beautiful, Kevin. Thank you.

You're welcome. If it helps, Kathy and I fought like cats and dogs before I deployed. Emotional self-defense. Much easier to part angry with each other than express or deal with the pain and grief of separation. Nick would probably be able to explain the dynamics much better than I have though.

Well, it got pretty ugly between them. Very. Sigh... Makes me sad, and it is so disappointing. He is there for six months. That's a long time but not so very. It would've been nice to have had her blessing, but instead he got angry letters emailed, delivered, and mailed to him.

:*(

Actually it happens more often in military families than anyone will admit to. The anger faded quickly and we'd be left missing each other...and often we'd forget what it was we were even fighting about.

Homecoming can be a bit odd too after the honeymoon period. Routines have changed. The soldier has expectations of coming home and everything will be the same as they left it, while the spouse has gotten use to doing things a little differently. Can tend to cause a little friction. Not sure if its still true, but when I was in we had to attend classes on that very issue before we went home.

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