Weekend To-Do List and general chattering

[paragraphs]

I am generally a list-maker, but it tends to be in my head (much like dealing with my finances in my head, which I am starting to consider is a major contributor to my constant freak-outs over money or the lack thereof because thinking about finances to keep things straight then turns to obsessing about them, which in turn starts the freak-out mode) so I decided instead to actually make a list of the things I want to do this weekend. Then, maybe, I will actually do them.

Thursday and Friday passed way too quickly. Thursday--working on the house, cooking, TALKING TALKING TALKING to relatives (I really don't actually TALK that much to people--just Nick, the kids and at work, sad huh) which wore me out. But great visits with the MIL, who came over for my amazingly-spiffy Thanksgiving, my sister Robyn who I don't see often though she is in town, and a really lovely, long visit with my dad and his wife. She is about to have hip replacement surgery on Monday and they dread it--she's had two heart attacks already, she is way overweight (sigh, I want to help her dammit but she is not listening--YET), and will have to stay in hospital, then go to a convalescence center for a few days. My dad simply can't lift her about like needs to be done post-surgery. So they are dreading that.

Dinner was fabulous. Believe it or not, this was the first time I ever made Thanksgiving. We usually go out to eat at Mimi's, which is FABULOUS but dinner for four would've cost three times what making it at home actually cost. And, we snagged an extra kid, and we would've missed out on her macaroni salad. It was really good.

And, we would've missed out on having Sam's Balls. Sam copperbadge came up with the nifty idea to make dressing, scoop it out with an ice cream scoop into balls, chill slightly, then fry them. I give Sam the credit for this whether or not he deserves it, simply because then I can call them Sam's Balls. They were a hit, even with my son who is not a dressing person. I wish I'd done all of them like that, but only did one panful, the rest in the oven. But forevermore, we will have Sam's Balls at Thanksgiving. The daughter rolled her eyes at me (as she often does) when I told her what they were called. "You are so weird, but I love you anyway," she said. She says this often, btw.

So before I start nattering about this and that, because I don't post that often due to I don't know why, too much twitter-time, email lists, I don't chat but now and then because I get distracted too easily and miss talking to people so much, I want to drop everything for them and then get nothing done...oh chat! See? Distracted myself. ANYWAY, here is my list:

1. Finish that About Me meme. Yes, I started it three days ago. I will do that first, and post it, which means TWO posts about myself today, which is so annoying of me, but hey I don't post but once every week or so. So just deal with it.

2. Christmas cards. I want to be creative this year. I have a real nice list of peoples to send to, and all over the world, and though I know my one Russian (American, but living in Russia, which is sooo amazing--I love it when she writes about life there, though I wouldn't want to experience it myself) won't get her 'Happy Winter' card until probably January, I'm looking forward to sending that. She has the one address I have to print out, and cut and paste. AHH! I assume the US Post Office sorts those in other languages into a different feed and SOMEONE will be able to read it and get it to where it needs to go. I want to make the cards this year, so will be headed for Michael's tomorrow to see what they have that I can do so I can impress y'all to bits. ANYONE ELSE WANT A CARD? You do NOT have to send me one in return! I just want to do it for you all. I will send Happy Winter cards too for those who don't do Christmas. I am very easy that way.

3. The Christmas Tree. Gotta drag it out of the garage. We are doing a TCU tree this year--last year it was the Cowboys, the year before OU. This year? Purple and Silver. LOL!!! Present-giving will be almost non-existent due to the fact the kids are going to Europe, and we are saving madly for that. ITALY! Together! At once! BOTH MY KIDS FAR FAR AWAY FROM MEEEE!!! For ten days! OMG!

4. Finish The Gulls for reel_torchwood. Halfway point--just where I was last week. I have just over 20k for my half-nano, with 5 to go to reach 25k, which was my goal. I do not feel impressed by this 25k as it has been jittery, jolty, I have not felt sunk-into my writing but for a handful of times. This is disappointing to me. Still, writing something outside-the-box for me is fun, too--taking The Birds' main plot idea (and not much else) I am enjoying the challenge of writing suspense, and especially love the parts I've done so far of the seagulls going crazy. LOL. It is a post-CoE fic, yeah, but Ianto is my POV character. :) blue_fjords is being a fantastic cheerleader and beta, and smirnoffmule has volunteered his awesomeness to Brit-pick it for me, being British ya know, to make sure I don't set myself up for attack over getting something wrong. (hmm, just had image of the Brit-pickers as evil seagulls).

Oh, trash day, a day late due to holiday. Thanks guys! (heard the big truck go by)

5. Diet. Since Tiffany started working at Starbucks, I've gained three pounds. I'm not amused by this, 3 lbs. in a month? What if I do that next month, and the next, and the next, and then I will be right back to being overweight again. Oh, I DON'T THINK SO.... I've also slipped into a bad eating pattern...reaching too often for the evil bad stuff, because I don't plan ahead and shop wisely to make sure I have good things on hand. This has got to stop. So as of today, it has, and I will be spending a wee bit of time today setting out a healthy eating plan for myself (and Tiff and even Kelly).

6. Finances. Dammit C, you've let yourself go NUTS over money! In July, we will no longer have Social Security because my son will have graduated and thanks to Reagan, kids no longer get SS when they need it most--in college. Bastard. That money would get him through college easily, without putting him into debt. But NO. Let's kill that for the future of America! BASTARDS. So, I *HAVE* been actively finding cheaper ways to pay for things (car insurance, which nearly ended up a fiasco as State Farm took me on, then CANCELED me, then reinstated me again, wtf?) but I am saving over 160 a month with them (as opposed to Farmers). I've switched electric to www.greenmountainenergy.com and they have been FANTASTIC. My bill this month? Only $173. The worst bill I had with them was only $350. Last year, with my previous? I had bills constantly hitting $500 a month. I can't do that. I am going back to keeping track via spreadsheet, as we did a long time ago. Getting it all down there, when I get paid, when things are due, etc. That I hope will give me the peace of mind I have not had in way too long.

I am really getting concerned about my freaking-out (I hesitate to call them anxiety-attacks, but maybe I should?). I have dealt with depression-issues in the past, was on meds for 2 years, got out of that, and generally do pretty well...I think. Or maybe not. Not really sure, but I know freaking-out over things that don't deserve that kind of power over me, that bring everything good in my life to a standstill (most notably writing) is not good. I tend to go 90mph or go to a dead stand-still, incapacitated by my worries. My dad told me the other day to stop worrying, he can and wants to help me, especially next year with getting Kelly into college (he is eying Texas Tech's architecture program) and keeping him there, hell even Tiff said she'd help get her brother through school once she is out on her own (sweet sister, but she'll have her own school loans to worry about), but I let that consume me too.

Ew, coffee got cold.

So that is on my mind--coping skills, ways to keep myself from falling into that vicious, freezing-up pattern, whether it is via mentally telling myself to cut the crap out, by running (which makes me feel fantastic), by getting planning out of my head and onto the computer...I frankly wouldn't at all be adverse to other suggestions from peeps who deal with this sort of thing.

Maybe I shouldn't do the meme? Or I will shorten it as I've said here alot of what I was going to say there. LOL! Or I should delete all this! Nah, it was good to type it out. I should do that more often, I think.

Comments

[catsintheattic.livejournal.com]

Ah, you did it. Your cards sound just too good to pass. Pretty please with a cherry on top: I would love to get a card. *puppy eyes*

&hearts to you for doing this.

You really should post more often. I know the feeling of not posting - I stop posting whenever it all gets too much, mostly because I think that I won't have the time to answer should someone comment. Silly me. I love your posts, the ones about RL and writing in particular. Because you are an awesome person, so brave and such a fighter. It's normal to worry, and normal to freeze up every now and then. As long as you know your way back to talking, sharing and taking action again. *hugs*

It's good that you are going to keep track of things - I find that I need to do that (ever have since I went self-employed), so that I know if I'm safe or if I should worry. Particularly in the summer, when I have practically no income and live from what I've earned before. It's good to plan ahead.

And this might be a stupid question, but it's just about saving money: do you use a dryer for your washing? It could be one way to save money just to hang the clothes and let them dry on their own. The same goes for energy saving light bulbs, old refrigerators and overly large ice boxes. A refrigerator that is only half full most of the time will cost more energy. Lighting, heating and airing patterns could be addressed, too. It might be worth not just to change the company but also check your home for energy suckers. I don't want to belittle you, you know that! It's just that I grew up with a dad who was absolutely fixated on saving energy, so all these things come to my mind when people talk about energy costs.

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

I have your address somewhere don't I? LOL. I think you put it on my list so no worries, you will get whatever nonsense I come up with.

Yes we use a dryer--but have a drying rack too. I know it is better for the clothes but we have SO MUCH LAUNDRY! Tiff does her own, but I do mine generally on Sundays.

Oh we do all the other stuff though--we HAVE to have a/c here, so can't do without but I do have all the lights (except now my ceiling lights in my room as it is Dark and Depressing and Gets To Me Too Much) and those have made a difference.

I freeze up too often. My BIL has finally convinced me to come try one class of his tai chi (not too sure about learning from him, but it is really silly too) so not this Wednesday but the next, going to give it a go.

[catsintheattic.livejournal.com]

If you don't have it, just tell me and I'll email it to you. I so love getting cards, but I really fail at writing them.

I wish you a good time with the tai chi class - that kind of stuff is excellent to work on the freezing up. *hugs*

[aseas-words.livejournal.com]

About the post office: just make sure you write Russia at the bottom of my address in English, and the US postal service will send it over here to the folks who know Russian. :-)

Getting things out of your head and into your computer (or a spiral bound notebook, in my case) is a great idea to help yourself not worry so much. I tend to have anxiety attacks when things are overwhelming to me, and sitting down and writing through it logically, parsing it down into small, do-able steps, and then planning out when I can do each of them (or at least the first few) is what helps me manage most of the time. One of my favorite inspirational writers (Chris Guillebeau) says he tries to just do three things a day. If he finishes those three things, then sometimes he does one more thing. But each morning he assigns himself three small steps to take towards his goals. I've found this to be an effective and NOT overwhelming system. :-)

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

Okay, RUSSIA in huge black letters it will be. :)

I tend to write out things on notepads then toss them--lose them--or ignore them afterwards. So I think getting down everything into a spreadsheet, which I was in the habit of doing before, will be really helpful. I'll set it up tonight.

That is good advice--I tend to give my all too much to work, then I have nothing left for myself. That is something I also could work on, come to think of it... One of those three small steps could be just to sit down and write awhile. No certain amount, just to do so. I like that idea. I will look him up. Thanks!

[aseas-words.livejournal.com]

Chris is over here. http://chrisguillebeau.com/3x5/ :-) He has decided to visit every country in the world by his 31st birthday (among other things). It's a very interesting story.

I am great at writing to-do lists. Things I definitely need to do, things I kinda should do, things I don't want to do but should make myself try to attempt, things I would like to get done at some point... and then my list for the day is 547 items long and I tick of 8 of them and feel terrible. Or give up entirely and just go eat ice cream covered in chocolate while watching Leverage (okay, exaggeration). Making myself only put three things on the list helps me to actually accomplish them, and feel happy that I did. And it makes me prioritize, which also helps. :-)

[heleninwales.livejournal.com]

A half NaNo! Now why didn't I think of that? I foolishly thought I would attempt a complete NaNo, but I started 5 days late and had a busy week in the middle in which my brain filled up with work and there was no room for writing. :(

I know what you mean about the anxiety. Losing my job just over a year ago completely freaked me out, even though it was good in some ways. But I'm gradually finding bits of part-time work.

It sounds as though you are well organised, actually, but I do find that dumping everything out of my brain into a To Do list does help me to stop obsessing about it. It also stops me forgetting vital stuff.

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

50k in one month would've landed me in deep pain. I already have sizzles (I sadly have to possibly blame the Farmville addiction, I think!)

I have ALOT to be grateful for! I know that! I have many, many friends who deal with so much more than I do--that's why I kick myself for being so stupid about my worrying. It is nothing, absolutely nothing in comparison to many. And that knowledge DOES help. It does. So does taking breaths, talking to my partner, my sister, running...I used to find escape from hard stuff in my writing, but I honestly haven't sought out writing to be that for me. Maybe I should, I really really should.

[blue-fjords.livejournal.com]

Heh, I saw the pic of Sam's Balls on his journal, and they looked wicked tasty. I don't generally like stuffing, but dude added walnuts and fried them -- everything is better fried! Though I don't think I could call them "Sam's Balls" -- "what're you eating, blue?" "oh, i'm smacking on sam's balls." Maybe I'll go w/ Sam's Stuffing Morsels of NOM.

I quietly freak out about money a lot, too. I finally was back to being all on-time and cool, and then Piper's little foray into the hospital. Le sigh. Life hands us lemons, and we have to make lemonade. I think your spreadsheet idea sounds like a good one, and having a parent who is willing and able to help is great. I have no tricks for calming the anxiety, other than making lists. And watching "Hot Fuzz."

Love ya, C! I want to huggle you (and your story, too)!

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

I dunno, that would be really funny, blue... smack smack. LOL!!

I am tired of lemonade, I know you are too.

[shane-mayhem.livejournal.com]

I love to-do lists. I love making them, and writing them on post-its in neat handwriting, and then never doing them.

Okay, I don't actually like the part about never doing them, but it happens more often than not.

I'll give you my mailing addy if you give me yours!

Also, silver and purple tree FTW. Those are my University colors. :D

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

I will take pictures!!! It is raining or we would've dragged it out today. Must go find the correct color of purple (which shouldn't be hard around here)

cparagraphs at googlemail, send it and I will send mine back. :)

[used_songs]

I know what you mean about the talking. Even though I talk a lot to V and of course talk a lot to my students, I'm basically a quiet person. So at family stuff I tend not to say as much. I listen a lot.

It's hard not to freak out/have anxiety. Several years ago V got me this book called The Anxiety Book (evocative title!) and it's somewhat useful but I still get overwhelmed at times, too. I've become a big time list maker; I try to break down the seemingly insurmountable into smaller, more doable elements.

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

Nick is good at talking sense into me--but I hate to even get to the point where I NEED being calmed down. I work myself into the worst frenzies! It is bad!

I see you did the meme-whee, am off to see!

[elowena.livejournal.com]

Hi there! So good to read an update from you. :) Glad to her you had a marvellous Thanksgiving, too!

I don't think I have anything to add to tricks for controlling anxiety. I used to worry about money constantly and obsessively due to my mother's disasterous financial situation. I'm still careful about my own spending, but realizing that I can't and shouldn't be responsible for how my family members manage their money made a world of difference and took a huge load off my shoulders. Obviously it's different since it's your children you're talking about, but I guess it might help to stubbornly believe that a good education will get them a good job which in turn will enable them to pay off their student loans. (I had to take out a student loan, freaked out about it, but I've already managed to pay back most of it and I haven't even graduated yet.)

And as some said, small steps. Cutting down on everything at once might feel like too much, so how about figuring out, say, one thing each month to save up on or to otherwise work towards a situation where you wouldn't have to worry so much? I'm trying to set myself a thing or two to do every day and once I'm done with those, STOP WORRYING. Yes, there's always an essay waiting to be written, an e-mail waiting to be answered, more money to be saved, but it's enough to manage one thing at a time. To help me with this, I place my papers in my drawer rather than leaving them around to remind me of what I "should be doing". Out of sight, out of mind and all that.

Good luck with your spreadsheet and relaxing!

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

I wish I had been a little more savvy when I got the insurance money, but I for the most part, I spent it on things we needed--paid the house off, redid the inside floors, painted, and replaced all the furniture (which needed it badly, very very) and bought the cars. I took trips, sent the kids on trips, took trips with them--no regrets on any of that. But I do miss having alot of money in my account! LOL! I invested the rest of it (and then promptly lost alot of it--I should've just kept it in my checking account).

My dad has told me over and over again I don't need to worry about anything. That he knows as a single mom of two it is hard, and that he is there for me--but I rebel against having to lean on a parent. It just seems wrong somehow. Oh well!

I've actively worked to simplify things over the last year and that HAS helped. Definitely. But it still gets me now and then...think talking about it has helped alot. Bottling it up makes it explode.

[withprettystars.livejournal.com]

haha you keep track of life in list form just as do.
i think writing them out on livejournal keeps me more accountable or something? i feel more obligated to complete things when i have them written down somewhere for all to see.

maybe it's because i like striking things off them? who knows.

anyway i miss your posts :( you always have interesting things to say.

that being said! i missed the last christmas card post but i would like a card :( i think you have my address in a PM but i'm not sure? if you don't, lemme know and i shall provide.

also. i totally understand the starbucks thing. lets not even talk about how my diet takes a hit when i come back to school and have access to starbucks again. i am such an addict it's not even funny.

at least i take all my drinks without whipped cream, though. i figure that's a start, right?

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

I have come to love the misto drinks--they are much lighter, with still good taste. I don't get into the seriously wicked stuff--I am not that big into sweets. Daughter is going to study there tonight so may make her bring one back for me. That's how she got the job--was studying there all the time, her friend Casey worked there...she got to know the manager and he told her hey you should work for me. And now she does, and loves it. It is a great part-time job (plus after a year they have tuition reimbursement!)

I should write more, I know! I am about to post another yacky post.

Send me your address to my email: cparagraphs at googlemail. That would be great!