![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
I haven't made a real post in days and days. Not a Thanksgiving post even...though Thanksgiving for me was weird, surreal, strange, and difficult on so many levels...so many that the thought of writing about it appealed not one whit. Being The Old C for two days was super hard. Still, it was worth it for the kids, though Tiff is rather annoyed that every adult there was a Repug, and the ugly flare of prejudice flared here and there (though oddly, not against homosexuality...'just' against people who are not white. It was very very odd).
The coolest part of the trip though was the Drury Inn where we stayed. They allow dogs there, in this really nice hotel, and there were TONS of dogs! It was so funny! Big ones, little ones, furry ones...dogs in sweaters...too crazy. I will so stay at a Drury Inn again. Loved it. Hated, hated, hated the long dark drive home. By then, I was so on edge from not talking to N, from having to listen to talk talk talk talk otherwise, I thought I would explode.
Then the days following Thanksgiving...a bit of time off from work, paralyzed in some respects, lots of moody, churning thoughts about way too much. Overthinking, and stressing from that...which freaked me out because overthinking leads to obsessing over things, which always throws me into the pits of depression.
Which, of course, happened.
I'm pulling myself out though. It isn't easy, but I refuse, absolutely refuse, to resort to drugs again (Lexapro, legal you know...). Lexapro left me cloudy, hazy, in a daze. It sucked, though I needed it back then.
So I've been pulling self up by bootstraps. Making myself do things...go to B&N once (going tomorrow and Friday nights too), cleaning, walking on the treadmill (30 minutes last night, just did another 30 minutes), getting better sleep (trying to convince Shelby not to woo at me to go outside in the middle of the night isn't easy). Eating lots more veggies, less meat, and drinking tons of Earl Grey...the Earl has become my sanity drink, I swear. Trying not to freak out about bills that I can pay now but 1.5 years from now I won't be able to. Trying not to freak out about Tiff's school...though man oh man, TCU came through today, she has more than enough in scholarships, grants and FAFSA to get her through 18 hours next semester without us having to go for more private loans. WOO!!! That really, really helps me so much.
Also been spending lots of time on Absolute Write, lurking or replying incognito (woo hoo no one knows its me...er...not that anyone cares regardless). The anonymity though is refreshing. I've posted a few bits of Stage and have had nicely positive results. I've put Andy's story aside until Stage is done (or until next summer, when we go to Cardiff, which is where it is set...research, woo!), but Lee's story is tugging so hard...
...and this morning, on the way to work when I had time to think, I realized that despite my editor's preference for third person, I wasn't going to write his story in third. BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO, DAMMIT! The first book with these people was in first person and to change it to third for the second has been bugging me so much...I just don't want to do it. Lee and the ballet dancer, grin, will be solely in Lee's pov. When I turn it in, my editor will screech, but I have a feeling that won't matter. The big big editors love Red so much they got the foreign rights from me this time...the thought of it being translated makes me grin so much.
Dammit, Red is still the book of my heart...
And then there is that $%$# %#@% vampire kit. Egads, it is driving me nuts! I am going to do something with that blasted thing, eventually. I have no idea what, but the fact that the main character is so clear visually in my head is very disturbing. LOL. But I don't WANT to write a vampire story! I DO NOT!!! So I am looking for a twist, a turn, a different view...given how over-written vampires are, that may be a difficult thing to find. Hmph. LOL.
In any case, I'm still getting used to being alone. I still don't like it. Given that I spent years married, and always hated the spouse's insistence that we be together every minute we weren't at work, dreading not having any time to myself, to be myself...you'd think I'd be glad for Nick not to be here all the time.
But, I'm not. See, I CAN be myself with Nick, and time to myself doesn't appeal near as much when I can be comfortable in silence in the same room as him. What a difference it makes being with someone who is an orange rainbow too.
zzz time.
Hey look...I guess I did write a real post after all.
The coolest part of the trip though was the Drury Inn where we stayed. They allow dogs there, in this really nice hotel, and there were TONS of dogs! It was so funny! Big ones, little ones, furry ones...dogs in sweaters...too crazy. I will so stay at a Drury Inn again. Loved it. Hated, hated, hated the long dark drive home. By then, I was so on edge from not talking to N, from having to listen to talk talk talk talk otherwise, I thought I would explode.
Then the days following Thanksgiving...a bit of time off from work, paralyzed in some respects, lots of moody, churning thoughts about way too much. Overthinking, and stressing from that...which freaked me out because overthinking leads to obsessing over things, which always throws me into the pits of depression.
Which, of course, happened.
I'm pulling myself out though. It isn't easy, but I refuse, absolutely refuse, to resort to drugs again (Lexapro, legal you know...). Lexapro left me cloudy, hazy, in a daze. It sucked, though I needed it back then.
So I've been pulling self up by bootstraps. Making myself do things...go to B&N once (going tomorrow and Friday nights too), cleaning, walking on the treadmill (30 minutes last night, just did another 30 minutes), getting better sleep (trying to convince Shelby not to woo at me to go outside in the middle of the night isn't easy). Eating lots more veggies, less meat, and drinking tons of Earl Grey...the Earl has become my sanity drink, I swear. Trying not to freak out about bills that I can pay now but 1.5 years from now I won't be able to. Trying not to freak out about Tiff's school...though man oh man, TCU came through today, she has more than enough in scholarships, grants and FAFSA to get her through 18 hours next semester without us having to go for more private loans. WOO!!! That really, really helps me so much.
Also been spending lots of time on Absolute Write, lurking or replying incognito (woo hoo no one knows its me...er...not that anyone cares regardless). The anonymity though is refreshing. I've posted a few bits of Stage and have had nicely positive results. I've put Andy's story aside until Stage is done (or until next summer, when we go to Cardiff, which is where it is set...research, woo!), but Lee's story is tugging so hard...
...and this morning, on the way to work when I had time to think, I realized that despite my editor's preference for third person, I wasn't going to write his story in third. BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO, DAMMIT! The first book with these people was in first person and to change it to third for the second has been bugging me so much...I just don't want to do it. Lee and the ballet dancer, grin, will be solely in Lee's pov. When I turn it in, my editor will screech, but I have a feeling that won't matter. The big big editors love Red so much they got the foreign rights from me this time...the thought of it being translated makes me grin so much.
Dammit, Red is still the book of my heart...
And then there is that $%$# %#@% vampire kit. Egads, it is driving me nuts! I am going to do something with that blasted thing, eventually. I have no idea what, but the fact that the main character is so clear visually in my head is very disturbing. LOL. But I don't WANT to write a vampire story! I DO NOT!!! So I am looking for a twist, a turn, a different view...given how over-written vampires are, that may be a difficult thing to find. Hmph. LOL.
In any case, I'm still getting used to being alone. I still don't like it. Given that I spent years married, and always hated the spouse's insistence that we be together every minute we weren't at work, dreading not having any time to myself, to be myself...you'd think I'd be glad for Nick not to be here all the time.
But, I'm not. See, I CAN be myself with Nick, and time to myself doesn't appeal near as much when I can be comfortable in silence in the same room as him. What a difference it makes being with someone who is an orange rainbow too.
zzz time.
Hey look...I guess I did write a real post after all.
