Carolyn

Yes, just deleted a lot of nonsense. Tomorrow is another day, after all.

So, Nanowrimo! Who on here is doing it? I know a ton of my flisters are writing for various comm events and such, but if any of you out there are doing Nano in November in addition to or instead of and want to friend me over there I am once again Tatteredleaf.

Fifteen days to go until my book is out. EEEK. I am both excited and terribly, terribly nervous. There are things I did in the book that I probably should not have (a certain explosion comes to mind) and I could've done other parts different, and possibly therefore better, but... No no, don't think about that, it'll drive a person crazy.

I have absolutely forbidden myself to look on GoodReads, so if anyone sees me trying to sneak over there, smack me. I know it is in my best interest to just stay away from general commenting re: the book. Oh hey, it is a new month, I shall dash off... okay never mind. It is still under the Coming Soon. No blurb yet! *panic* I want to see what it ends up being. Argh. Not yet though.

And that is all, for now. Holler if you are on Nanowrimo, yo. I got 53k last year and hope to get that again, though being in school may cause a bit of a challenge.

Specifically, on writing m/m stories which, if there as any doubt at all, Long Way Home is.

I am sitting in the library at UTA, waiting for class. I have about 45 minutes, and though being a student again at my old university deserves a post as I have tons of thinky thoughts about life as a returned student, I'll stick to this topic.
( very long-winded rambling about myself lol )

Omg I did it, this is what I am taking:

HIST 4388-004 - Culture and Empire
Fall 2011
This course will examine the cultural reverberations involved in the expansion of Western nations’ empires from the age of high imperialism (1880-1914) through decolonization (1945-1960s). Travel writing, fiction, film, art, religion, education, colonial exhibitions, music, and sport will be examined in various contexts in order to illuminate the complexities involved in representations of colonies and colonial peoples’ responses to hegemony. By coming to grips with the power dynamics at play in colonial and postcolonial relationships students will be able to formulate and articulate their own opinions about the interrelationship between culture and empire and how it has evolved as the global order has shifted from one based on formal colonies to informal domination.

The prof is quite nicely rated on www.ratemyproessor.com. And, apparently, gives hard but fair tests. I am fine with that, especially as this is my only class. I am super excited though I am sure getting home at 9 twice a week will be tiring (sorry puppies!). But, being SO CLOSE to graduating, I am just crazy excited!

WRITING is going fabulously. Having a blast just waiting and waiting to hear back from my editor... LOL! And to stay sane, am plugging away on my Merlin Big Bang.

Am also working on a new idea, mystery-based...am enrolled in the Lou Anders workshop for FenCon end of September, and don't want to take anything I've been working on forever. The amazing comm abandonedplaces has long toyed with my brain, saying USE ME FOR SOMETHING! and I finally am figuring out what I can do with all the inspiration there. Oh, and there might be zombies in there. I blame my friends Cid and Suzan for that.

I need to write today! A scene a day to get this thing done by the 27th, oh yeah. And squee, I've seen a preview from my artist and just LOVE her work to bits! It is absolutely perfect for my story.

ALSO amphigoury I blame you for making me download this amazing song from itunes just now:

Tomorrow finishes up my initial two weeks at the law firm, filling in for someone who is dealing with cancer. I'll be back there to jump in when she starts radiation, unless I find something ahead of time. I love the law firm, but omg that is the most boring desk EVER.

I am continually caught up, despite having three lawyers to 'care' for. I really like one of them especially--I would work for him full-time! He cracks me up, a little gnome of a man who was in law school when I was in elementary school. He is funny and has expressed impatience with his current legal secretary's inability to handle Word (they use Wordperfect and Word there, but the older secretaries favor Wordperfect which is more along the lines of Word 2003). I've fixed a few things for him because I do know Word well, and he is ecstatic--tomorrow, he will write a personal letter and, whee, I will print it out on small stationery, and print off envelopes. LOL. Such excitement! The other two attorneys--one is in securities and such, and is very easy to deal with, and the third, an associate, does all his own work.

That is, I can see, the wave of the future...I think the days of new attorneys dictating everything rather than writing it all out themselves is near-over. Legal secretaries do other things now, but at this desk? Not enough. OMG yawn. LOL.

Unless I find another job in the meantime, in four weeks when she begins radiation, I will go back and fill in again. It'll be unpredictable though--depends on how she handles the radiation. :*(

But! Happily thanks to the quiet this week, I had printed my ms out at home and brought parts of it up every day, and over the last four days during the minutes/hours I had nothing (eek!) to do, I worked on it. Finished up the last of the first pass tonight! YAY!

Gameplan--Saturday, get up, get ready and head for Panera, which is bright and roomy and has fooods, and big tables. It is the go-to place for TCU students to study, but they are out now so there should be no problem in finding a good spot.

Not much else going on. Kid graduated last weekend, did family stuff all weekend. Worked on ms, brushed the dogs a lot (coat blowing season). Once this ms is turned in, I'll be attacking my big bang project full-on, and cannot WAIT to just have some fun with writing first draft stuff again.

I also need to get back into the swing of the fantasy, and wrap up the planning stages. I just want to get started writing the damn thing, you know? I would like to have a good start before school starts in the fall. ARGH.

And that is all I know for now.

I keep changing my 'I'll be done by...' date.

Current status: 97,332 words (had gone up to 98ksomething, but latter chapter had lotsa problems and had to be rewritten--tighter, sharper. Better.)

I have twenty-one chapters, and about to reread Chapter Ten's rewrite of a few days ago. It hopefully is good to go, and I can move on. End of Chapter Ten hits 41,762 words. I am just about to where I had left off after the initial mad writing with the GYWO group. Most of this part up to now was written in word wars which, while getting lotsa words down fast, is really actually pretty useless. Fast writing is crap writing, at least for me. I've had to do TONS of work on this story up to this point--tons and tons. From this point on, it was Nano writing: slower, more thoughtful, not rushing to get word count in, but writing-with-a-plan.

That worked for me oh so very much better. So much better.

While I don't at all disagree with 'just get the first draft down, dammit' is important, for me, the rush to just get anything down simply does not work. For the Nano-writing, I went back to how I wrote Red--scene by scene, with rewrites of the previous scene until satisfied, then moving on. It would take me all weekend to get 5-6 k, but when I moved on I was happy with what I had (knowing there would be another pass, later--two passes, as there will be one more final go-through).

Now I am hoping this puppy will be out of here by the end of the month. This past week was not the best (ugh, work, shakes fist) but am hopefully going to find this coming week better. Well, after I finish my $@#% review tomorrow.

Anyway...making progress, just slower than I expected. I'm starting to get my pseudonym's personae revived...not that she breathed much in the past. The epub world has changed SO very much since I sold Red to Loose-Id, so when (she said with conviction!) this book comes out, it'll be a very different process for me. Definitely different attitude! I've decided to center most of my pseudo-action around Goodreads...they have a fantastic m/m group on there already, and they recently chose Red as the book-read-of-the-month. They've got a very active group and I've been lurking. I've also got the pseudonym's website up and running, but still have lots of work to do on it.

I just want to get this done! I've got ideas how to save the other story (has 68k written on it so this is good!), and am itching, BAD, to get started on the new one. Really itchy-bad.

In other news...I'm bouncing all over, supporting Nick as he starts to plan for his move to Plymouth, UK. Trading in my German for a Brit! :) It is so, so darn exciting! I wish I could help him more than I can from so far away. Sigh. If all goes well I will be there in July. Gosh I hope so.

Better get cracking, I suppose! Need to switch laundry around, Son is cleaning upstairs, daughter is still fast asleep. Lazy girl. We may get the tree up around Tuesday. We don't like getting it up too early...and tree prices go down closer to Christmas. :) I'm sure we will have another TCU Christmas tree. Purple and silver. Pretty!

Any others out there not have their Christmas tree up yet? Nick's family puts theirs up the night before Christmas, which I love. Always has the cutest trees. We always seem to put ours up just days before.

So, this has been an interesting week. Seven days ago, I finally gave in to my doctor's suggestion and said okay, dammit, I'll try it, I'll try your damn Wellbutrin. I've had 8 doses now and I have to admit, every day has been better than the previous. Tuesday was brilliant followed by a not-so-brilliant Wednesday, but yesterday and today were good. My mind is calming, I'm able to find and keep (at least for a little) that inner peace that has been so damn elusive in my mind. I'm getting things done as a result, and man, that is a huge relief. I really hate being miserable.

I've long struggled with focus, long found it next-to-impossible to actually just sit, by myself, at my computer and relax, keep the evil thoughts at bay, and sink myself into writing. Oddly, I have no problem when it comes to work. Just my own writing (which is very sad isn't it?) I've tried everything short of drugs--heck my boyfriend is a psychologist, he has taught me tons of techniques to help (and they have indeed helped) but man, sometimes it is impossible to keep the edgy, teary-eyed, over-reactive, depressed and blue fractured constantly-on-the-verge-of-tears thoughts at bay by sheer force and will. Sucks, really sucks. Sigh. So I gave in, got the damned drugs, and am hoping that things continue to get better. I hope so, I hope so.

Nano is this month as all know and despite a few days of crises (that led up to calling the doc) I am doing very very well with Nano, for the first time ever. I'm hitting the halfway mark today, which thrills me to pieces. Yeah yeah I am way behind but I am doing Nano not to write a 50k book from word 1 to word 50,000, but to finish this ms that I started two years ago--two freaking years ago. Right now I am around 62k, with a goal of 80k. I have about 6-7 scenes to go until it is done. I rewrite as I go, but it will need a clean-up rewrite, and I also need to make sure all my characterizations are in-line (especially after stringing the characters along for two freaking years).

I love the optimism I feel right now, this second, this peace that comes with knowing I can do this. AM doing this. Given this will be the first manuscript I've completed in almost FIVE years? Yeah. This is big. I'm going to be able to turn this puppy in sometime in December, which leaves me ecstatic beyond words. Hopefully will make my editor ecstatic, too... It better! More like she will probably faint.

Next ms for Loose-Id, my goal is to write it, start to finish, in three months. I know I can do this if my stupid mind lets me and I don't succumb to the mess that my brain has been for so long.

After that, the rest of 2011 will be devoted to the fantasy.

Other things--I've now watched all the episodes of Supernatural, and while I am glad I waited until now to do this, it is kinda sad I didn't enjoy the show all these years. Oh well! I have now, and I especially love Dean. By rights I should be really annoyed with him--he is an awful lot like alot of guys I've known and heck, he's a Texas boy to boot, so...yeah. But, really have enjoyed watching the show lots, sharing the fun with Nick and with Blue aka blue_fjords. Dean's characteristics have kinda snuck into my current ms, the Lee character...LOL. I can't see this as a bad thing, except the rewrite will be more complicated as a result. Darn you Dean Winchester! Why are you so perfect???

I am baking bread tomorrow! I'm using a recipe of spiderine's that involves beer and two kinds of flour and lots of dough-smacking. Should be fun. I am not budging from the house the rest of the weekend, and am excited about making bread. LOL!

YULETIDE--yes, I changed mine at the last minute, I did. I like looking at the last minute to see what needs offers, and try to pick those I believe would be great fun. I also added a request--Day of the Triffids! I must remember to tell misswinterhill as she is the person who convinced me to read the book. I love post-apocalyptic novels for some reason, and this one is just fantastic. The movie was dorky. I think they are remaking it, actually. WAIT! THE BBC DID A TWO PART MINI-SERIES in 2009!!! I must find it!!!!!

NICK IS CALLING ME!!!

LOL okay we talked a long time. Man that was nice, usually he goes to sleep well, well before 8 p.m. my time. We both miss (terribly!) the days he could stay up into the wee hours and get up late, making our up-times match more closely (oh the fun of long-distance partnerships, huh) but...real life and jobs have put an end to that. Funny thing though is now I am not used to him staying up so late so I had to fuss at him to GO TO BED so I could write. :) Sorry baby...LOL!!

What else? Daughter's interview for Teach for America is in a couple of weeks--things look very good for her to get a position. Where though? We don't know--Somewhere, USA. My sister and I vote for Nashville (cuz my sister is there, yeah?).

No other plans for the weekend--just play with my puppies, talk with Nick, write, bake bread, write more, laundry, write, write, write. And write some more.

And, most importantly, stay happy. That'd sure be nice.

From 250k to 212k down to 135.5k, I've managed to whittle this manuscript down to a much more manageable, and much stronger story. Not through with rewriting all the scenes yet (SO MUCH MORE TO GO!) but I am so happy with what I've accomplished this weekend. Seriously chuffed, honestly.

Never, Ever, EVER AGAIN will I write something and let it get so long, let the story get so out of hand! Ever! (I can try not to at least, right?)

Emailed with editor today. All is well there. I may have this baby turned in by the end of September after all. She was happy to get in touch with me, so I am happy about that. YAY!!!

And then it is on to my fantasy at last! WOOT! Actually, prepping it for Nano first--yeah yeah I've got parts of this thing written, but then again...it is highly probable I will pull it back to earlier, as the editor at Armadillocon suggested I do. Too tired to do so tonight but I will try and write about that experience tomorrow. I'm not going to pressure myself to get 50k during November--25k is my goal, which with my work schedule is reasonable.

One other note before I collapse happily into bed, this is a thought-provoking article by Sherwood Smith sartorias about that amazing writing phenomena she calls 'writing the white fire novel.' This really zinged home to me as I've experienced it myself once, and it was an amazing thing to experience (and lasted for the entire book), as well as amazingly-difficult to accept not all stories will be white fire novels. How I wish! This article was very good for me to read as I finish up a project that definitely was NOT a white fire novel (but I tamed it anyway!), and start a new one that I have this underlying sense will bring that experience to me again. There's a momentum started, writing is back on top with me as being my #1 thing I do outside of work and spend time with my family (Nick, dogs, kids lol and yes, in that order...I love having older kids!).

Here's the link if you'd like to read it: http://blog.bookviewcafe.com/2010/09/05/writers-on-writing-the-white-fire/

Okay, to bed! Getting up will be hard tomorrow. Ugh. Gotta take my walking stuff with me as I am determined to start walking that track again tomorrow, right after work. Sitting around writing most of the weekend, and then sitting around staring at monitors all week at work has started to really get to me. I feel fluffy and crickety, even though I haven't gained anything. I hate it!