Carolyn

So, my sister and I have decided to do this program called Whole 30. This is paleo-rooted, she found it first on Reddit, and after reading in depth about it, I decided this would definitely be a good thing to do. I am sick of the pain in my foot, I am tired of being tired, I am worn out by the deep moods that I can't/won't talk to anyone about, etc. etc. etc. Reading about the way what we eat can (and does) affect how we feel, well, makes sense. I've not felt myself lately. At all. Sure sure during work I am awesome, super-power Cee, but outside of work? I am not feeling at all tiptop. A lot of things have been bothering me lately, things I can't change (such as growing older, for instance, my kids being gone, not being needed like I used to be and I am SO a person who likes being needed). I feel very closed in and unknown. But other things I know I can change. But how? How? How how how???? Well the first and easiest way is making a lifestyle change - and I basically have done this in the past and was very successful so yeah. It is time.

I feel out of control. I hate that. I can't do it anymore, not if I can change things and maybe put an end to some of the stuff what needs letting go. Recently, I've seen my daughter strip all the crap out of her life and she has lost over 35 pounds. I am stunned and so happy and amazed. She did it by eating completely whole foods, no grains, though she is vegan (a vegan who eats eggs). She is amazing. I am so proud of her, so glad she has found what she needs to feel better about herself, etc. Well I can't be Vegan but Whole 30 I can do. :)

( So tell me more about Whole 30, Cee! )

So what is Whole 30? It is 30 days of eating clean. That is no sugar, no starches (except sweet taters), no legumes, no white potatoes, no flour, no artificial sweeteners, no dairy... And most importantly, I suspect (for me), no grains. No bread. No pasta, etc.

This is the website, which explains it better: Whole 30

So this is what I am eating now, for the next 30 days!

Vegetables (except corn), all meats (bacon, etc. must be nitrate free), nuts, vegetables, coconut oil, butter in the form of ghee (making it tomorrow!). Coconut milk is a big part of it too... Can have coffee, tea, no sweetener though. Fruit, wonderful fruit! Important emphasis on good fats, and a high percentage of that. EDIT: AND OLIVE OIL! All the olives! Nom nom nom.

This girl does NOT believe in low fat. At all. Lies, ALL LIES.

To prepare for this I got a box, put in it all those things that were not refrigerated, and threw away the rest. Everything. ALL of it. EVERYTHING BAD AND HURTFUL is GONE.

So anyway! Today was the first day and I figure what I should do is write about what I am doing, how I'm feeling, etc. We'll see how it goes. I started the day by weighing (meep - need to lose 15 or even 20) and measuring (double-meep), and put my scale and the tape measure away for the next month. Then I made myself some tea, and drank it without sweetener.

Breakfast: 3 eggs cooked with ghee (ever tried ghee? it is another name for clarified butter - clarification removes the dairy for the most part) and spinach. Really filling whereas eating 2 eggs cooked with nothing leaves me starving.

Lunch: No nitrate hot dog. This sucker was HUGE!!! LOL. It looked like a big.... never mind. Frozen grapes, and a small salad.

I was out of coffee and nothing will do for coffee during this except for Avoca Coffee, a local roaster. So I went and got two bags of their best and ordered a coffee black and plain. At home I can put coconut cream in it (get a can of coconut milk from the Asian foods section, not the lite or low fat, (remember I do not believe in low fat) and put it in the fridge. The cream will rise to the top and can be scooped into the coffee. I can't wait to try it tomorrow!

Snack because Dinner was taking FOREVER: a handful of salt-free nuts

Dinner: lime chicken and a sweet potato (um, was supposed to have green stuff but I was so FULL). The chicken was marinated in a combo of lime, lime zest, cilantro and coconut oil. SO GOOD!!!! The sweet tater had butter on it (plain butter is not supposed to be eaten but I need to make the ghee - you make it with unsalted, high quality butter). This was a garnet sweet potato but I do prefer regular ones.

I have no idea how many calories and I am not caring. Am feeling good, not hungry at all. Today was easy but it was the first day. Even drinking tea and coffee without sweetener was okay. Oh and no sodas either BUT there is a marvelous brand of seltzer water that is flavor without sweeteners - grapefruit, plain and my favorite, coconut flavor!

Oh and technically one is supposed to eat three meals a day. Nothing inbetween. I do like that because those who say 'eat every 2-3 hours'? No can do, not with my work. And I am fine with that.

So let's see if this helps. Let's see if I feel better without all the crap, the grains, the processed foods, etc. Let's see if the stabs of agonizing pain stop, I sleep without needing Tylenol PM, if my mood lightens, I feel like getting out and being with people (which I don't right now, honestly...not good company imo), etc. etc. etc.

Tomorrow if it isn't raining, going to hook up the sled dogs and go for a spin around the neighborhood, and also try to pick up a geocache or two while we are out. Looking forward to that.

Until tomorrow... I srsly plan to right every night how the day went, what I ate, etc., but short posts. Definitely short posts.

I keep meaning to take the time to post, but the last week has been a bit crazy. Last Saturday, the daughter and I finished packing up the car and headed for Florida by way of Mobile, AL. I drove the entire way - I would rather drive and be occupied with that than just sitting there for hours and hours... And Tiff was able to chat at her friends and play Draw Something and such, keep the tears at bay. The closer we got to Orlando though (esp after Mobile, where we stayed at a La Quinta) the more excited she got.

We finally arrived at my friend Karen's house late Sunday. YAY! It was fabulous to see Karen and her husband Moghis again and I am completely in love with their house. What I am pissed about though is myself - over the last years, Karen has gone through an unbelievable amount of medical problems. :( She's doing well now though thank goodness, but then again... not as well as she should be. I am incredibly grateful for my health. I am rocking the health actually, and I can be better. And will be.

So, left the kiddo Tuesday night and flew back in the midst of Very Evil Storms but got home, and got through the week (I swear, my boss is so nice...I think he understood in his quirky way that I was all kinds of sadface this week as he was just so nice). And now it is Friday, and tomorrow is Saturday, and my plans for the weekend will be to get started on fixing up this house!

Over the next couple of months I have a lot of work to do. Got to move a bunch of stuff up to Tiff's room (and send her things she forgot, oops), and my son Kelly and I are going to rearrange the living room and dining area which is now a sitting/writing/reading area. Or will be! I am excited about that!

That's about it. Got tested yesterday for gout (oh, big toe!) but in the good news, am off my brain meds (hopefully forever, doc is actually very supportive of that with a 'but, if you need them...') and he also cut my blood pressure meds. My bp was way low yesterday, so he took the diuretic out. We'll see how that goes.

Other stuff is going on, but that's enough for tonight. Am reading a quirky mystery right now, THE ALTO WORE TWEED by Mark Schweizer. It kinda makes me think of The Vicar of Dibley BBC television series in its small town setting, a church (Episcopalian in this case) and those who move in and out of it is the center of the story, quirky unusual characters, and a very likeable XXL-wearing cop/church organist as the MC. It is a self-published book and series, a few errors and typos and punctuation mistakes, but the story is so much fun and engaging I am ripping through it. (Ok 'ripping through it' for me is I'm reading it fairly fast, probably a few more days before I am done).

What else? One scene to go on ms before I am done...and then, I am REALLY done. At least for awhile.

Watching FALLING SKIES and enjoying it.

Finally got Instagram. Trying to refrain from taking lots of pics of the dogs.

And now I am just typing stuff for the sake of typing.

Laters!

Current Final length of novel: 91,680 96,150
Estimated scenes left: 3 ZERO
Expected completion date: TODAY!!!! CONFIRMED! YAY YAY YAY

my manuscript is done!zomgzomgzomg! my manuscript is done! zomgzomgzomg!

It needs a new title though, as the one I have had all this time just really doesn't fit. Mander gave me a suggestion that I might go with though it is a bit long, 7 words. But, it fits-- Can't Take My Eyes Off of You. I could call it MESMERIZED instead I suppose... LOL!! Hmmm. Dang it. I hate titles.

New title unless the publisher hates it (and I checked no one else had used it) is FASCINATION. Thank you sartorias for the awesome suggestion!

I rewrite as I go, so am confident one last huge sweep through the whole ms will see it ready to turn in. Oh my stars, this puppy could be in by the 15th, I think. Yeah.

Christmas has not hit my house yet. May bring home tree (surprise!) sometime this week. The spot where I want to put it still has 300 notebooks in boxes in it, notebooks we are trying to find some charity or organization to take. They were donated, and the dear daughter did not want to see them thrown out (from a doctor's office that has gone all-digital) so they are in my dining area. Um... Yeah? They've been there 2 months now.

Daughter had Big Interview all day on Friday. Our confidence is high regarding her getting this position and she could end up in San Francisco, New York, Rhode Island, Minnesota or Houston--her five choices. Wow. We're excited to say the least. Rhode Island is the one choice (okay Houston too as Houston Sucks) that confused me but she is feeling good about San Francisco. She met with someone Friday who did her 2-year term there and got Tiff all excited and Full of Possibilities. LOL.

So, we'll see. She doesn't find out until January.

Back to writing! I am sad/anxious/excited about finishing this book at last. WHEE!!!!! TWO YEARS AGO I started this puppy--next one? I aim to finish in three months. *nods*

So, this has been an interesting week. Seven days ago, I finally gave in to my doctor's suggestion and said okay, dammit, I'll try it, I'll try your damn Wellbutrin. I've had 8 doses now and I have to admit, every day has been better than the previous. Tuesday was brilliant followed by a not-so-brilliant Wednesday, but yesterday and today were good. My mind is calming, I'm able to find and keep (at least for a little) that inner peace that has been so damn elusive in my mind. I'm getting things done as a result, and man, that is a huge relief. I really hate being miserable.

I've long struggled with focus, long found it next-to-impossible to actually just sit, by myself, at my computer and relax, keep the evil thoughts at bay, and sink myself into writing. Oddly, I have no problem when it comes to work. Just my own writing (which is very sad isn't it?) I've tried everything short of drugs--heck my boyfriend is a psychologist, he has taught me tons of techniques to help (and they have indeed helped) but man, sometimes it is impossible to keep the edgy, teary-eyed, over-reactive, depressed and blue fractured constantly-on-the-verge-of-tears thoughts at bay by sheer force and will. Sucks, really sucks. Sigh. So I gave in, got the damned drugs, and am hoping that things continue to get better. I hope so, I hope so.

Nano is this month as all know and despite a few days of crises (that led up to calling the doc) I am doing very very well with Nano, for the first time ever. I'm hitting the halfway mark today, which thrills me to pieces. Yeah yeah I am way behind but I am doing Nano not to write a 50k book from word 1 to word 50,000, but to finish this ms that I started two years ago--two freaking years ago. Right now I am around 62k, with a goal of 80k. I have about 6-7 scenes to go until it is done. I rewrite as I go, but it will need a clean-up rewrite, and I also need to make sure all my characterizations are in-line (especially after stringing the characters along for two freaking years).

I love the optimism I feel right now, this second, this peace that comes with knowing I can do this. AM doing this. Given this will be the first manuscript I've completed in almost FIVE years? Yeah. This is big. I'm going to be able to turn this puppy in sometime in December, which leaves me ecstatic beyond words. Hopefully will make my editor ecstatic, too... It better! More like she will probably faint.

Next ms for Loose-Id, my goal is to write it, start to finish, in three months. I know I can do this if my stupid mind lets me and I don't succumb to the mess that my brain has been for so long.

After that, the rest of 2011 will be devoted to the fantasy.

Other things--I've now watched all the episodes of Supernatural, and while I am glad I waited until now to do this, it is kinda sad I didn't enjoy the show all these years. Oh well! I have now, and I especially love Dean. By rights I should be really annoyed with him--he is an awful lot like alot of guys I've known and heck, he's a Texas boy to boot, so...yeah. But, really have enjoyed watching the show lots, sharing the fun with Nick and with Blue aka blue_fjords. Dean's characteristics have kinda snuck into my current ms, the Lee character...LOL. I can't see this as a bad thing, except the rewrite will be more complicated as a result. Darn you Dean Winchester! Why are you so perfect???

I am baking bread tomorrow! I'm using a recipe of spiderine's that involves beer and two kinds of flour and lots of dough-smacking. Should be fun. I am not budging from the house the rest of the weekend, and am excited about making bread. LOL!

YULETIDE--yes, I changed mine at the last minute, I did. I like looking at the last minute to see what needs offers, and try to pick those I believe would be great fun. I also added a request--Day of the Triffids! I must remember to tell misswinterhill as she is the person who convinced me to read the book. I love post-apocalyptic novels for some reason, and this one is just fantastic. The movie was dorky. I think they are remaking it, actually. WAIT! THE BBC DID A TWO PART MINI-SERIES in 2009!!! I must find it!!!!!

NICK IS CALLING ME!!!

LOL okay we talked a long time. Man that was nice, usually he goes to sleep well, well before 8 p.m. my time. We both miss (terribly!) the days he could stay up into the wee hours and get up late, making our up-times match more closely (oh the fun of long-distance partnerships, huh) but...real life and jobs have put an end to that. Funny thing though is now I am not used to him staying up so late so I had to fuss at him to GO TO BED so I could write. :) Sorry baby...LOL!!

What else? Daughter's interview for Teach for America is in a couple of weeks--things look very good for her to get a position. Where though? We don't know--Somewhere, USA. My sister and I vote for Nashville (cuz my sister is there, yeah?).

No other plans for the weekend--just play with my puppies, talk with Nick, write, bake bread, write more, laundry, write, write, write. And write some more.

And, most importantly, stay happy. That'd sure be nice.

When I got up this morning, these greeted me in various places around the house:





In the bathroom:



On the fridge:



On my wallet-thing:



And last, on the way out:



Hard to be grumpy when faced with Post-It cheer, huh. She'll be 21 May 31st. I can't believe it.