Carolyn

I did everything but write this weekend - yesterday was a kid day (both kids, and also my son's gf, came by to see me).   My daughter was the real surprise - I see the son and his g/f Summer over here pretty regularly - but Tiffany rarely comes here, I usually drive to Dallas so I can see her doggie Bruce! He is a Corgi.  What more can I say - CORGI!!!!!  She has some good friends (and okay they are mine too - I went to their wedding, the weekend after 45 slayed us all and won (cough) the presidency - the friends are a gay couple, and their wedding was the best wedding I had ever been to.  Now they are close by and that makes me happy, just because.  :) 

So, it was pretty sweet to have her come HERE - and the dogs went nuts, of course, as they hadn't seen her in ages.

Yesterday I shopped as I hadn't since before vacation so was out of everything.  And today I didn't leave the house but completely gutted my kitchen, and completely redid my back porch/zen place.  Man that feels good to have that done but now I am exhausted but that is okay as my (main) boss is GONE FOR A A WEEK YAY!!!!! A week and a day!  Maybe a week and TWO days!!!  JOY JOY JOY!!!!

So, I will drink LOTS of coffee in the morning.  I did think a lot?  I am trying to untangle how I want to finish the last act/part of this story.  I have all my POV characters at their moments of becoming warriors, so to speak - and I've been working through different ways to get everyone where I want them to end this thing.  I have two options - and they are big options - I could either choose to wrap up this story in one go, a stand-alone novel, or I could choose to not do so.  Now, as I am getting ready for the drive toward the end, is where I have to decide.  

A huge part of me just wants to complete their story in its entirety - been working on this 15 years off and on, after all, and the thought of completing their narratives makes me very happy.  But the thought of not writing them anymore, either?  How can I bear to say goodbye to these characters?  This dilemma is a huge/major/overwhelming reason why I have not made much progress this last month (and did no writing at all on vacation).

But I really need to make a decision.   As a standalone, it would clock in easy at around 325k, maybe even 350k.  A big book, a big story.  I think I am leaning this direction, but with spin-offs, or stories running simultaneous to.  I have two such stories teasing me right now, one that I've also had for a long time dancing around in my brain (about 7 years). 

In any case - busy, tiring weekend.  I started a new diet as well, which I will talk about more later - it is basically Whole30, if you are familiar with that.  But, I am counting calories, which you aren't supposed to do on Whole30.  But I am, and there is a reason for that, and so there, that's just how it is. LOL! 

And now I must curl up with the puppy, and watch some  netflix.  I'll seek out American Gods tomorrow and watch the first episode then.

I didn't want to bore the few reading this with 'so this is what I ate today!' as that is, well, boring, so I skipped a couple of days.
( a heck of a lot of rambling in here )
Seventh day here, and I have to say this has been the easiest of weeks of dieting. Except it isn't dieting. I have had to deal with headaches, which I rarely, rarely get, but that just tells me that yes there is SOMETHING I am consuming that I needed to get out of my system. Given I am still drinking coffee and tea, it is not caffeine. But I have found several teas that are delicious plain - Constant Comment and Ginger Peach - and am content. After 7 days without sweeteners, I realize I don't miss them. How about that.

Other things I have not had this week - dairy, grains, flours, sugar, sweeteners of any kind, processed foods - everything I have eaten has had one ingredient and grew and lived one way or the other. That sounds a bit barbaric but when I did eat meats or fish I bought the best quality I could, free range, grass fed, hormone-free.

This hasn't been hard at all. I tossed everything out last week and have been eating like this ever since. There has not been one hour or one moment where I have struggled, been hungry, craved anything other than sweet potato but I can eat that so no big deal. There is a lot of variety, I have found www.nomnompaleo.com to have the best, easiest and most delicious recipes.

So other than headaches, what else have I noticed?

I feel lighter. My stomach is flatter. My rings are loose. My tastebuds are waking up and simple flavors taste amazing. I've learned to make ghee and other things I never thought of before. I find myself pulling my shoulders back and stretching a lot, because my tummy feels light if that makes sense. As the days have gone on I'm finding myself satisfied more easily, finding it easier to just stop eating when I am done. The dogs have liked getting the tidbits! :)

Also - foot pain has decreased with each day. I haven't had any stabbity pain since Tuesday. There was an hour two today as I was walking around at work (very busy day) that the odd sensation of burning under-toe returned (seriously, the pad of my big toe BURNS) but then it went away.

I've walked the dogs 4 out of the 7 days. Today I got home too late, another day it was too warm. Tomorrow morning I plan to get up, throw the hair into a ponytail, toss on some clothes and take Maddox to our favorite park. It is still too warm for us to try out his new backpack but that is coming! So I have to carry a water bottle for him. He'll need it. (Also! Lots of geocaches in this park - I have found 49, and am determined to reach 55 at least by the end of the day tomorrow!)

Sleep is good too - the last few mornings I have woken up well before the alarm. This is good. Very good.

So all in all, I am very very pleased with the first week of Whole 30. I've had some emotional roller-coaster, this is true and can't be denied, and I am not sure why but the sads hit really hard a few times this week. Little things made me feel sad and neglected and full of woe, just very alone. My daughter and son though--what would I do without them? I'd text Kelly or talk to Tiff awhile and the crushing feeling would lift for awhile.

Work, happily, has been awesome, and my boss and I talk a lot more about random things inbetween the work, which is nice. Been talking about biking, geocaching, hiking, food, adventures, crazy clients (we have plenty) and other lawyers, lol. He and Desiree know I have cut out all the stuff (though Desiree knows exactly what I am doing and is all chuffed about it). Not sure why the leap but I do love it, love the feeling of TEAAAMMM and working for someone who respects me and who I can respect. That is a very good thing.

Oh and have I lost weight? I have no idea! I hid my scale from myself. This isn't about weight loss necessarily, but I know it is happening. I hope at the end of the month I will have broken through that ridiculous plateau barrier I've been on for years. Srsly! For two years I have been almost exactly the same weight. Nice for the wardrobe to be consistent, but I wish it were ten pounds less, and then be consistent!

I am rewatching Supernatural. Am watching X Factor with sheswatching (oh my STARS! SCREAM! it is agonizing! Love it! ha ha), and just trying to stay busy, in a routine. That I am still working on!

Going to see my son tomorrow, and load up on local produce that he has so easily available where he lives, for next week's menu. :)

WHEE!

I want to sell my mountain bike and get a proper ten speed.

On to the next week of Whole 30, yup yup yup!

Ta da day three is done!

Food today was easy peasy as I planned over the weekend. Today's foods were:

Breakfast: the breakfast muffin and a half cup of coffee with coconut cream in it (I ran out of time to drink the whole thing!)

Lunch: Spaghetti squash with meatballs and green beans w/ghee, and an orange.

Dinner: Tuna pan-seared delicately, with olives, an avocado, and green beans.

I do love my green beans. Seriously. I was not hungry at all today, and did not feel stuffed either. Am figuring out portions, and I am pleased!

Weird thing - driving home from work today? All of a sudden my rings were loose.

Bad thing - my toe freaking killed me most of today. I just HATE it. And totally don't get it. Burning, burning sensation under the big toe, achy as hell joint, and stabbity pains randomly attack. What if this elimination diet doesn't help? I will cry.

Interesting notes for today. I have realized that without SweetnLow, I don't like plain ice tea. On the other hand, La Croix bubbly water in Coconut, Grapefruit, Berry and Plain are DIVINE. Coffee is great, hot tea (mint is my preference) is awesome, but iced tea, that which I drink TONS and TONS and TONS of every day? No. Going to toss it aside for now.

Emotions-wise, I was kinda down today. It was hard to identify what is bothering me. I need to work on figuring this out but I have just not wanted to be around people the last few days. This isn't like me at all. Not at all. Hmmm. I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed at work, not the work itself but just having time to take care of the behind-the-scene things. I never have enough time for that. So frustrating. So I stayed late (sigh) to get some stuff done.

I had to go by my MIL's on the way home and as always, it is hard to leave. I get it, I do - she wants me to stay for a long time each time I come over and oh how I get it but I needed to get home to the dogs. By the time I did, I just ended up making dinner for us (me and the pups) and then suddenly, it was dark! What! It was only about 7:40 or so! Sometimes I just HATE that I get off at 5:30 (but rarely get to leave then-as today I did not).

There is a stray kitty staying on the side of my house. I tried to tell it this was the worst house to stick to, given the huskies, but I fear it will be back out there again tomorrow. I can't feed it, I can't have a cat! :( But how can I not? It is so sad! Poor kitty! Poor little tabby kitty.

That's it for now - though I did accomplish something tonight. I conquered clarified butter! Go me! First attempt I burned it, ugh, but then I found out how to do it in the microwave.

Isn't it pretty? LOL no no I swear it is not pee, it is ghee!

So, my sister and I have decided to do this program called Whole 30. This is paleo-rooted, she found it first on Reddit, and after reading in depth about it, I decided this would definitely be a good thing to do. I am sick of the pain in my foot, I am tired of being tired, I am worn out by the deep moods that I can't/won't talk to anyone about, etc. etc. etc. Reading about the way what we eat can (and does) affect how we feel, well, makes sense. I've not felt myself lately. At all. Sure sure during work I am awesome, super-power Cee, but outside of work? I am not feeling at all tiptop. A lot of things have been bothering me lately, things I can't change (such as growing older, for instance, my kids being gone, not being needed like I used to be and I am SO a person who likes being needed). I feel very closed in and unknown. But other things I know I can change. But how? How? How how how???? Well the first and easiest way is making a lifestyle change - and I basically have done this in the past and was very successful so yeah. It is time.

I feel out of control. I hate that. I can't do it anymore, not if I can change things and maybe put an end to some of the stuff what needs letting go. Recently, I've seen my daughter strip all the crap out of her life and she has lost over 35 pounds. I am stunned and so happy and amazed. She did it by eating completely whole foods, no grains, though she is vegan (a vegan who eats eggs). She is amazing. I am so proud of her, so glad she has found what she needs to feel better about herself, etc. Well I can't be Vegan but Whole 30 I can do. :)

( So tell me more about Whole 30, Cee! )

So what is Whole 30? It is 30 days of eating clean. That is no sugar, no starches (except sweet taters), no legumes, no white potatoes, no flour, no artificial sweeteners, no dairy... And most importantly, I suspect (for me), no grains. No bread. No pasta, etc.

This is the website, which explains it better: Whole 30

So this is what I am eating now, for the next 30 days!

Vegetables (except corn), all meats (bacon, etc. must be nitrate free), nuts, vegetables, coconut oil, butter in the form of ghee (making it tomorrow!). Coconut milk is a big part of it too... Can have coffee, tea, no sweetener though. Fruit, wonderful fruit! Important emphasis on good fats, and a high percentage of that. EDIT: AND OLIVE OIL! All the olives! Nom nom nom.

This girl does NOT believe in low fat. At all. Lies, ALL LIES.

To prepare for this I got a box, put in it all those things that were not refrigerated, and threw away the rest. Everything. ALL of it. EVERYTHING BAD AND HURTFUL is GONE.

So anyway! Today was the first day and I figure what I should do is write about what I am doing, how I'm feeling, etc. We'll see how it goes. I started the day by weighing (meep - need to lose 15 or even 20) and measuring (double-meep), and put my scale and the tape measure away for the next month. Then I made myself some tea, and drank it without sweetener.

Breakfast: 3 eggs cooked with ghee (ever tried ghee? it is another name for clarified butter - clarification removes the dairy for the most part) and spinach. Really filling whereas eating 2 eggs cooked with nothing leaves me starving.

Lunch: No nitrate hot dog. This sucker was HUGE!!! LOL. It looked like a big.... never mind. Frozen grapes, and a small salad.

I was out of coffee and nothing will do for coffee during this except for Avoca Coffee, a local roaster. So I went and got two bags of their best and ordered a coffee black and plain. At home I can put coconut cream in it (get a can of coconut milk from the Asian foods section, not the lite or low fat, (remember I do not believe in low fat) and put it in the fridge. The cream will rise to the top and can be scooped into the coffee. I can't wait to try it tomorrow!

Snack because Dinner was taking FOREVER: a handful of salt-free nuts

Dinner: lime chicken and a sweet potato (um, was supposed to have green stuff but I was so FULL). The chicken was marinated in a combo of lime, lime zest, cilantro and coconut oil. SO GOOD!!!! The sweet tater had butter on it (plain butter is not supposed to be eaten but I need to make the ghee - you make it with unsalted, high quality butter). This was a garnet sweet potato but I do prefer regular ones.

I have no idea how many calories and I am not caring. Am feeling good, not hungry at all. Today was easy but it was the first day. Even drinking tea and coffee without sweetener was okay. Oh and no sodas either BUT there is a marvelous brand of seltzer water that is flavor without sweeteners - grapefruit, plain and my favorite, coconut flavor!

Oh and technically one is supposed to eat three meals a day. Nothing inbetween. I do like that because those who say 'eat every 2-3 hours'? No can do, not with my work. And I am fine with that.

So let's see if this helps. Let's see if I feel better without all the crap, the grains, the processed foods, etc. Let's see if the stabs of agonizing pain stop, I sleep without needing Tylenol PM, if my mood lightens, I feel like getting out and being with people (which I don't right now, honestly...not good company imo), etc. etc. etc.

Tomorrow if it isn't raining, going to hook up the sled dogs and go for a spin around the neighborhood, and also try to pick up a geocache or two while we are out. Looking forward to that.

Until tomorrow... I srsly plan to right every night how the day went, what I ate, etc., but short posts. Definitely short posts.