I was like you until a few years ago. My life got so much better once I learned to voice my discontent! I still feel guilty about it sometimes but really, as long as you're not horrible and completely out of line, it's best for everyone to sometimes put your foot down. I know I used to harbour so many grudges and so much bitterness because I was too polite to say anything - the irony of behaving like the nicest person and thinking the worst things.
That said, I pushed the boundaries of acceptable behaviour a couple of days ago. I sent my ex a truly mean, cruel, vicious e-mail that was aimed to hit him just where it hurts. I learned that no, being a horrible person doesn't make me feel any better. At the same time, it did help me move on because when he left me, I didn't have a chance to say, well, anything to him, and he's refused contact since. As cruel and misguided as my message was, it was in a way me finally breaking up with him (whereas he broke up with me a month ago) and also voicing my side of the story. (He treated me quite badly towards the end, and yet blamed our break-up entirely on me. And I never spoke up because...I still wanted to make things work? I was actually convinced I was being a crazy b**** for asking him to send me a birthday card and acknowledge my existence in front of girls who have a crush on him? That it's normal to call your partner's depression "stressful" and refuse to support them? Ugh.)
Point being, sometimes it's okay to get mad, and sometimes you need to get mad even when it's not okay and when it hurts others. And then you need to apologize. (I did, and he was cruel back at me. Oh well.)
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
rosecarmine
(no subject)
Date: 2013-04-11 04:22 am (UTC)That said, I pushed the boundaries of acceptable behaviour a couple of days ago. I sent my ex a truly mean, cruel, vicious e-mail that was aimed to hit him just where it hurts. I learned that no, being a horrible person doesn't make me feel any better. At the same time, it did help me move on because when he left me, I didn't have a chance to say, well, anything to him, and he's refused contact since. As cruel and misguided as my message was, it was in a way me finally breaking up with him (whereas he broke up with me a month ago) and also voicing my side of the story. (He treated me quite badly towards the end, and yet blamed our break-up entirely on me. And I never spoke up because...I still wanted to make things work? I was actually convinced I was being a crazy b**** for asking him to send me a birthday card and acknowledge my existence in front of girls who have a crush on him? That it's normal to call your partner's depression "stressful" and refuse to support them? Ugh.)
Point being, sometimes it's okay to get mad, and sometimes you need to get mad even when it's not okay and when it hurts others. And then you need to apologize. (I did, and he was cruel back at me. Oh well.)