Countdown until Nick lands....

[paragraphs]

It is great to have countdowns. Only thing is, Lufthansa's strike may adversely effect any sort of countdown I come up with.  Sigh.   Of course they choose THIS month to do this...why not wait a month?  Just until Nick arrives here safely? 

Monday is SUPPOSED to be the day Nick comes from Germany...but I won't know for sure until Sunday.  To say I am excited is an understatement.  Truthfully though... I am more existing in a state of Ahhh...  How does one describe the way it feels, to be seeing my baby again, after so long apart??  Difficult.  Very difficult.  It's 'just' been April, but dang it--that seems so long ago.   It is just amazing...am on a quiet edge, these last days of waiting both thrilling and scary. 

This will be our fourth time together...and will be the longest.   And in all ways the hardest--Nick has to WORK!  He's not coming here for me, but for the internship.  A very important internship...and I've got high hopes for him that it will be everything an internship could possibly be.  There will be fun--we're going to a baseball game next Thursday (hoping that I won't have to carry Nick home, from the heat--yikes), and we have other things we'd like to do.  Mostly though, we'll be improvising on the entertainment.    Being horribly broke this time of year--eeks--well, we'll be improvising.  Fortunately, lots of things we like are cheap or free.  Thank heavens. 

Daughter got killer grants for uni, and her boyfriend broke up with her. Except....he keeps texting her.  Lots.  It will be interesting to see what happens with those two--they DO adore each other, but Jesse, well...he's leaving for college, and hates it here, and has a high-pressure mom, and he kinda freaked....  Yeah.  Regretting his hastiness, definitely, but Tiff is tough--it is hard, but she is keeping a firm grip on things, which is starting to freak him....   She is strong, very strong, and he hurt her badly.  She's not going to toss that aside...she's moving forward.  GOOD.  I half expect they get back together eventually, honestly.  She is, though, it looks like anyway, not going to make it easy.  GOOD.

Writing is going swimmingly.  Writing every day now, and I'm slowly but surely learning to trust in myself again.  I still catch myself--the ol 'can I do this, is it any good, is this a waste of time...'  That lovely counterproductive stuff.   I push it aside, hard, and just dive in...each time, it is easier.   Writing is FUN again...

Today, I created someone new.  His name is Thanniel.  He's my main Boy Player.  And Ammy... .don't worry, Alistair is still there, but he is a trouble maker, he insists, though he does have a good heart. Still--Alistair is Thanniel's opposite in so many ways, and quite possibly tragic... LOL.  It's been bugging me for awhile, knowing that Ali wasn't the right one for what I want the main character to be...but he is there, mischievous little devil.  Slowly, beautifully, things are coming together.  Not as quickly as I like, but that's okay. 

Shelby is being mean.  She's not letting Scotty into my room. LOL.

READING:  The Magicians and Mrs. Quent, by Galen Beckett.  First book for this author--historical fantasy.  Had no business buying a book yesterday, but did anyway as I am devouring all the historical fantasy I can.  Gorgeous cover, kind of gothicy feel to the story.

Hey ALEX!  Am listening to Depeche Mode... :)

What else? Not much....  I think it is time to go to sleep, like Maddox.  Except--he's in my spot.  LOL.  I just love this picture of my crazy puppy.

Comments

[talekyn.livejournal.com]

I am so glad that Nick is coming!

And good for Tiff for standing her ground. Everyone makes hasty decisions, but she should definitely make sure he knows where he stands before entertaining the idea of getting back together. He deserves to dangle a bit.

I still catch myself--the ol 'can I do this, is it any good, is this a waste of time...' That lovely counterproductive stuff. Heh. You know me so well ...

And wow. We both have characters named Thaniel now, but mine only has one "n." Of course, they're nothing alike. Mine's blind, for one thing ...

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

*palm face* I totally forgot!!!! Geesh. What crazy--I named him about a couple of famous boy players, Nathan Field and the last official boy player (for his last name). Heckfire I know one of your many nicknames is Thani, I think... YOU NEED TO FINISH THAT BOOK!!!! poke poke. This is historical fantasy, too--poke poke!

[talekyn.livejournal.com]

My Thaniel is named for a boy I had a huge crush on in high school. The character looks and acts nothing at all like him, but I love the name ...

[sartorias.livejournal.com]

Wishing you creative strength and success!

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

THANK YOU! Baby steps. You've helped more than you know. :)

Oh I was on Amazon yesterday, and sometimes pop over to see the different lists-of that people make. In Best Fantasy Series, guess who was mentioned? Inda! Really nice things said by that particular poster.

[sartorias.livejournal.com]

Hrray! Thank you! :-)

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

Squee moments are always good. LOL.

[catsintheattic.livejournal.com]

Depeche Mode rocks!

I'm so keeping my fingers crossed for N's flight on Monday. The not-knowing must be awful. *hugs*

Good to hear that your writing is FUN again. I'm still fighting; one good day is followed by three bad ones. I wish for some continuity. *sighs*

How do you do it? Any tricks you could teach me in spite of the good old "Just do it"?

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

I'll be really sad if you guys don't have your magical hour of meet and greet. LOL. It is going to be an exhausting pain, no matter what--we'll just have to wait and see. Argh!

One thing that seems to be helping me alot is writing with others. The writing at Seaside pushes my creative brain stuff and is spilling over to Stage. That and I have convinced myself to just stop panicking, and start, well, DOING. LOL. Don't know how that will go when Nick is here, but am giving it a shot.

Have you thought about joining in on one of those groups like Voices? Some amazing writing going on there--I don't know if there is one on LJ but the one I know is on IJ.

Also spend some good time on Absolute Write, going through Uncle Jim's Novel Writing discussion...such good stuff there, that I already knew, but having a refresher course, and to see the interaction and thoughts and concerns of others is a good thing, too. Very much so.

And lastly--I have my main character, and am busy falling in love with him. Though I come from a plotty background, I am so convinced that developing several amazing characters as fully as possible, then tossing them into the brink to see what they do, makes it all so much easier. I can spend HOURS plotting and researching and such--and have!--but until I have my characters, I can do nothing.

[catsintheattic.livejournal.com]

What exactly is Voices? Is it a writers' group?

It seems to me that English speaking communities have a much politer approach towards each other. Germans often have this annoying habit of being-right-all-the-time - and after three years in fandom, I'm even less willing to take up with that attitude. I love concrit and my betas will tell anyone that I'm nice enough to work with, but I hate that German know-it-all-types. So, yay for writers' groups and maybe for a group dominated by German intellectuals. Sometimes I think that writing my novel in English would be easier, just because there are more people to share it with who will care.

So, you count the research time part of the writing? I feel like doing research right now, but I don't get anything really done, I feel guilty for not putting words down on the page. The hd_inspired is half-written and feels like lead, but I don't want to let it go (stupid me!), because I feel that now I should be fair and write something.

And I feel so exhausted these days, with all the training, even though it's fun, and me not getting enough sleep and not daring to sleep long because I feel guilty for not getting anything done. If not now, then when? And now I feel stupid for being such a cry-baby on top of it all. Sorry for whining so much to you, poor dear! *hangs head in shame* I should stop that, right now. And go to look for some fun or at least write something, no matter how stupid it sounds.

Thank you for listening! *hugs*

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

Liriaen is in it...she writes her Cesare there. I have a character too but have not started it...its on insanejournal, under voicesinmyhead. It's a prompt community that is nicely active with good prompts. Nick is doing it also though he hasn't had a chance to write more--I shall be poking him when he's here.

What I decided was that EVERYTHING I do relates to the writing...immersing my entire life in it. Granted, can't so much at work, but I am known to sneak about and do some writing while here, too (like um today playing on LJ--am bad, but I am anxious and missing N, and oooo I think about now they are doing the plate smashing ceremony! WOO. LOL). Anyway...not allowed to smack myself for 'not writing' or being distracted from it. That's life, and while I'm cleaning the kitchen, I think about characters, taking a shower, doing laundry, cleaning my room--I listen to music that doesn't distract from my mind. That way, when I am ready to sit down and write, I know where I am going. It all counts.

I got so hung up for so long on what I 'should' be doing, and feeling terribly fractured about it, that I decided to stop being so mean to myself. I wasn't enjoying the (non) process at all.

Another thing I am doing...I am writing the first draft, fast and messy. That is HARD because it goes against my nature...but I am taking this from Uncle Jim (lol--he is a science fiction author, btw). The first draft is essentially just a telling of a tale. No one will ever see it. I'm not sure I would call it an outline, more like an extended synopsis, but it is helping me puzzle out what I want to do.

Deciding Historical Fantasy was what I wanted was a major step towards sanity, too. I struggled SO HARD with that. I really did. FOR OVER TWO YEARS! And realized--that was just an excuse. I am over it. :)

[catsintheattic.livejournal.com]

Thank you for the info about voicesinmyhead. I'll check it out.

To immerse my entire life in writing - that would clearly help. Maybe I'm just too afraid to do that. I don't know. I sometimes fear that if I really get into it, I'll lose my touch for the real world, not take care of my seminars and stuff.

You sound so determined and sure about your writing - and I usually am not much different, I know where I want to go and how - but tonight, I'm just not. I'm simply afraid of wasting my time with sitting around. But I took your advice to heart and stopped worrying and read some tiny article on the subject of my book before I had to go to the dojo - and doing that felt good.

I guess I just have to get rid of that exhaustion, and then I should be able to get back to my usual self. When I'm tired, I have this tendency to be mean to myself instead of being patient. You are so very right about this being the worst enemy of the creative process at all. And I might also have to take a decision and prioritize my projects. To decide what is really important and what can wait on the sidewalk. *nods*

Thank you so much for your good care and the lots of good advice! *hugs*

[klgrem.livejournal.com]

Hope he gets there safely and on time. :)

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

Me too! Oh hey, guess what is really growing on me? DH's latest albums. I finally listened to them, and though I deleted about four, I'm actually rather enjoying the others.

How's the kiddies? :)

[klgrem.livejournal.com]

They're doing okay. Pat still needs a job. Chris and his girlfriend are getting closer to going to England for 3 years and Bob is... Bob. Haha.