I just don't want to do that anymore...

[paragraphs]

I really don't. Honestly? That's what it comes down to. The desire is gone, and has been for a long, long time. It's about time I acknowlege that, and turn to what brings me joy.

I am, therefore, done.

-C

UPDATE: OMG! LOL! The tag tag see the tag? WRITING!!!!???? THAT THAT I AM TIRED OF WRITING SOMETHING!

I am sorry. Nick called me and said OMG WHAT IS THAT ALL ABOUT??????

UPDATE TWO: In fact, see my reply to scripps as I managed to articulate it down there. Another post coming tonight.

Oh my gosh I feel so free.

Comments

[catsintheattic.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

Because I'm lost for words.

How are you? &hearts

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

I am FINE!!!!! I am happy! I made a decision--I am done with Loose-Id. I am not happy, I don't want to write m/m fiction. Every time I open that file, I think WHY AM I DOING THIS? I DO NOT LIKE IT NO MORE!!!

It doesn't make me happy. Why then am I tormenting myself with it? It makes no sense.

Your posts actually are part of this, you know. Make me think!

[http://users.livejournal.com/lindalee_/]

Ok I had to come back and jump into another comment... I'm very glad to hear you're only doing something that's bringing you joy! That's what life is for, yes? It's too short to do things that make you unhappy. :D

[catsintheattic.livejournal.com]

Having read the rest of your comments to others, I see now more clearly. So you are not giving up writing, you just decided to write what you like. That's wonderful!!!

I'm so relieved. I mean, it would be okay for you to give it up completely, if this is what feels right for you. But I wouldn't want to lose you as a fellow writer - *is selfish*

And I thought, OMG, I wrote all that stuff about being passionate, and what if I've cause C to feel bad about herself? And now I'm very relieved to hear that you are happy, and that you let go of the obligations that were nothing but slowing you down.

*twirls you*

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

WHAT?

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

It is all good! Omg, I am not dramatic, I told Nick WHOA when he pounced on me for being cryptic.

I am done with tormenting myself over the Loose-Id fic. I just don't want to spend my writing time writing that which doesn't make me happy, when there are other things that do.

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

HAAAHAHA YOU HAD A DIVA MOMENT! NICK HAD BETTER BE PROUD.

[kel-reiley.livejournal.com]

??? IMMA JUST SAY GOOD FOR YOU, BB! and *hugs*

[verasteine.livejournal.com]

Oh, honey...

::hugs::

You okay otherwise?

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

LOL I will stop being cryptic! I didn't to get that reaction. I am doing well!

[verasteine.livejournal.com]

Well, I saw the tag, and I still went, "yowza". Read your explanation below, though, and you know, glad you're okay!

[(Anonymous)]

Being honest and following your own desires rather than the expectations of your own and others' is a glorious and brave thing. Godspeed!

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

Oh Anon who are you? You understood my crypticness! Thank you! EXACTLY!

[elowena.livejournal.com]

zomg! Seems I was being cryptic, ha. Sorry, LJ logs me out without me noticing all the time these days.

[samueljames]

Hope you're okay.

I envy writers who can write all the time because I find it's very mood dependent. If it's not making you happy you can't force it but I hope you'll still keep your journal. We at least need your travel report :)

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

YES YES of course! I meant...see, I better write a proper post about this tonight. I have been trying for over a year to force myself to write a sequel to my book with Loose-Id...and I Just Don't Care Enough To Do It. I don't want to write m/m fiction. Every time I think 'okay, gotta do it now' I find excuses, I get bored, I watch the telly, I say 'tomorrow' and... Yeah. I told Nick that writing reel_tw and Yuletide and the SSanta project and the last couple of days (especially) dragging out an old fantasy story I had and tweaking that--the hours flew, I was in heaven, I was happy doing all those things.

I need to focus on what makes me happy to write and that sure isn't it. I wrote one beautiful, gorgeous, meaningful m/m story that I know I can't top and frankly? I don't want to. I have other stories inside me, different stories, stories about people who I've had floating around with me for as long as 9 years. I love them. Dammit! :)

[samueljames]

It's good that some writing made you happy. With original fiction you really need your characters' co-operation. At least with fanfic there are challenges, prompts, fic-a-thons and the source material to inspire.

If you've been procrastinating so much then it's good that you've reached a decision. You sound relieved about it. At least you'll always have the achievement of writing that one book.

[heleninwales.livejournal.com]

Thankfully I came to this post a bit late, so all was explained in the comments! :)

If a project has become a wearisome burden, then if it's possible to put it down and walk away, then you're much better off doing so.

Good luck with all the new shiny writing projects!

[http://users.livejournal.com/lindalee_/]

What is it you don't want to do anymore? Writing? That is a surprise! I'd love to hear more about it...

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

Not writing itself, writing that which I feel obligated to write.

I'm done with that nonsense! I'll write a better post about it later.

[http://users.livejournal.com/lindalee_/]

Yeah. I was like, "wha?! You're done with writing?!?!"

*whew*

Yeah... totally not worth it to try writing something you now dread... life's too short ;-)

[thaddeusfavour.livejournal.com]

C, dude, I'm glad I caught this after the update. Ha, ha, ha! Scared everyone.

Should have just had a second post: Psych!

You know, write what you like. Best advice.

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

Exactly. Yeah, Nick chastised me. Oops. *grin* makes me feel warm and smooshy inside though that people wrote me so fast. :)

[shane-mayhem.livejournal.com]

Oh man, I would've freaked out a little, too, if I hadn't seen your edit. XD

Liberating, though, isn't it?? Freeing oneself from expectations! And you shouldn't feel obliged to write m/m just because it's a trend or a fad or an obsession lately, or whatever. Write what you know, write what you feel, and what makes you happy! :D

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

Yeah...as Nick and I talked about a few minutes ago, I didn't write Red for publication, I wrote it for myself during a very tough time of life for me (my spouse's illness) and was just lucky enough I found a nice home for it. It has done great, touched alot of people, and so many have asked for more I always said Yes of course! but the reality is? I am done. I put everything I had for a story of this nature into 300k words (original draft) and I just don't have it going anymore. I have never been heavily involved with the online epub life, and...that's not what I want, I am proud of my one story but really? I don't need to nor want to write it again.

[shane-mayhem.livejournal.com]

That being said....I would still really love to read it. Who's the publisher?

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

What is your email? What. I have it. Never mind. Tonight.

[sartorias.livejournal.com]

Definitely write what you enjoy. Life's too short not to!

[neifile7.livejournal.com]

Oh yay, C! I'm glad I caught the update here. I know this has been bugging you for awhile, and I'm GLAD that it's a relief to let it go!

I think, y'know, we kind of write what we need to when we need to? That was what you needed to do then, and this is now. And obvs the most important person to make happy with your writing is yourself. Life's too short.

[klgrem.livejournal.com]

How many times do people ask for sequels? hehe. Most stories/books/fics never get a sequel.
Your fantasy however - I'm thinking of the dark one, not the one with the ...;) - you ARE writing that with the intention of it being more than one book, if I remember correctly. So that is different.
I can think of two stories, that I'd love to see you finish sometime...
*hugs*
At least e-publishing brought you a little money, and even though I know you want to be book published again, I think it could be good for your resume?
Have a good weekend, C!

[blue-fjords.livejournal.com]

you and your crypticness! these are the times i'm glad i don't get on at work, or else i'd be all "holy shit c, wtf?!" no more loose-id. i can get behind that, tootsie. write what you wanna. yeah!

[pir8fancier.livejournal.com]

You know how I feel about these things. If you don't enjoy it, then your lack of passion leeches onto the page. And then what's the point? Write what you love.

[bodlon.livejournal.com]

Life is too short to do stuff that makes you unhappy.

Do what makes you happy.

[lawsontl.livejournal.com]

*exhaling*

I'd have thought you intended to stop writing entirely, too!