Am I ready for this? No, not really.

[paragraphs]

My son has the opportunity to move out first of May.  My daughter is not coming home for the summer. I am sooner-than-expected going to be living alone, just me and the dogs and the fish tanks upstairs.

Proud of my kids for the people they are becoming, but also? Kinda want to cry.

Nope, not ready for this at all.

At least I am in better shape mentally than I used to be. I've got a lot of local friends now, and do things in the evenings now and then, and on weekends, now and then.  I used to know no one or do anything outside of work, my entire social life being on the internet.  That's not the case anymore though I am often nostalgic for how things used to be.  I'm both happier than I have been in the past but sad too because of what is no longer.  That's life though I guess, isn't it?

How does one live alone?  I haven't in...  Ever.

Not ready for this at all.

Comments

[humming-along.livejournal.com]

Any chance you can sneak off and see Nick this summer? Enjoy your freedom a bit?

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

Yes indeed, we will see each other end of July! Two weeks of fun in the sun. :) He was here for a little over a week in October - not enough!

Thanks for the reminder though - son HAS to come home for that to watch the dogs. I will text him now. He is upstairs... LOL.

[humming-along.livejournal.com]

LOL, glad to be helpful :-)

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

:)

[eurydice72.livejournal.com]

Wow, that happened fast! I'll be here for you, though.

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

COME MOVE IN WITH ME... No wait, probably wouldn't work. Suz offered her two boys and I passed on that too.

Well, like I told Kelly, his dad and I were engaged when his dad was 21.... AHHH!

[sabriel75.livejournal.com]

It's awesome to hear your kiddos finding their own place in the world, but scary for me too given I've no idea when and what my daughter will do once she starts making decisions like these without my input. If she ever does, but still, scary to see them grow up when you can remember them as babies and toddlers and hormonal.

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

this house is just too big! I never thought I would be THAT parent but I think being a single parent adds a layer to it all. Either that or the fact I like my son. LOL. Except for the dirty dishes....

[(Anonymous)]

The single parent aspect definitely adds a layer of lonely to the empty house syndrome. Even when my daughter would go away for visitation, it felt too quiet for me and I do adore my "alone" time.

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

I am starting to thing of the advantages - no dirty dishes suddenly mysteriously appearing, half the laundry (ha I bet he brings it home)... and, and! I can recapture the loft again and turn it into my writing space. That will be awesome. :)

[fictional-one.livejournal.com]

Get a pool boy...wait...you dont have a pool. Hmmm. Maddox, would you like to dig mommy a really big hole? Of course you would! Good boy!

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

He already had a great start under the peach tree!

[catsintheattic.livejournal.com]

Oh sweetie, I'm so happy that your kids are doing great. And of course this is a huge change for you, faster than expected, so you are allowed to feel all kinds of nostalgic and a little weepy. *hugs*

I've been living alone ever since I moved out of my parents' house 24 years ago. It can be lonely at times, especially when all your friends live far away and lead busy lives. But it's also great because you don't have to make compromises. I wouldn't even move in with someone if I was in a relationship.

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

I am so torn - I worry about taking care of the dogs and leaving them alone all day, and just not having Kelly around to yell back and forth to. Of course, he said he'd be home a lot still - it is only an hour away, and hello, laundry - but it won't be the same. On the other hand I keep thinking how I can recapture the loft as my writing space! And how my expenses will drop - electricity and water! And the reality is he or his sister probably will end up back there plenty.

I don't mind being alone thanks to the dogs and the internet and my local friends I finally have... so... yeah. I love having my own space, MY things, and my way of doing things.

So, once this all takes place, I can and will start fixing up my home again (already started, really) to make it my haven. THAT is exciting. It is kind of a pain commute-wise where I live but the house is mine and that is a huge thing.

Sometimes i think oh get a roommate but it would have to be the perfect person and I am not sure that person exists... Nick would be awesome but he lives in another country. LOL if we ever did live together he would have his own room, of course. :) That's not likely to happen, however - he will be in the UK for quite a long time. Heck I wish I could be THERE! I would love that!

[catsintheattic.livejournal.com]

It's good that you have stuff to look forward to for the time when you will live alone. That will certainly help with the feeling of loss.

Nick - he can't come to you. But would it be an option for you move to the UK? Not right now, of course, but sometime in the future?

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

Probably not, I don't think. Unless I somehow get independently wealthy I don't know how I'd make a living for myself over there! And, the kids - I can't not be near them. Life is frustrating! Where are transporter devices!!

[catsintheattic.livejournal.com]

Yes, I can imagine that it would be hard to leave your kids behind.

And there would be no one with your qualification needed in the UK? Damn! I would have thought sharing the language should help find a qualified job.

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

Oh probably but the law is very different over there needless to say. :)

[valancy-joy.livejournal.com]

From the perspective of someone who lived at home until she was thirty ... and has lived alone for the ensuing 16 years I think its awesome that your kids are flying free. But I also remember my first week alone when I moved to the house from the apartment and it was just this side of terrifying to be there just me alone.

None of which is much help is it? LOLS.

Make your own nest. Now you can do that! That's good, right? I'm trying to do more of that myself actually now that the house is in my name and not really a rental anymore!!

Change is everywhere lately I seems. You can do it!!

<3 <3

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

I have gathered a lot of inspiration from you, the be your own light, the be your own beloved. We are all ultimately alone, yes? I actually am less alone than when I was married because, well, am listened to now and that is so important.

I'm intent on making my home my castle. :) I know I likely won't stay here for the rest of forever but I have plans!! :)

We're gonna meet someday, you know, right? RIGHT.

[elowena.livejournal.com]

Yikes - a big change, to be sure!

I've only experienced the other side, and I do still worry about my mum sometimes because she's living on her own and doesn't have much of a social life. But I think it makes a huge, huge difference for both of us that we talk on Skype regularly - she says it's way more reassuring to see my face rather than just hear a disembodied voice saying, "I'm okay, gotta go". Hopefully you can do that with your kids, too.

It sounds like you already have things you look forward to, too - I'm moving house in September and can totally relate to the desire to decorate and fix the house.

Anyways, this is a long-winded way of saying best of luck - I'm sure it'll be tough at first, but you and your kids seem close enough that I think you'll figure out ways to make your nest feel less empty than it might at first seem.

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

OMG! ELINNNAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so full of happiness to see you in my email! WOW! I just dashed over to your blog to read and see you are a grad student over here? WHERE????? You can email me at cparagraphs at the gmail place if you;d rather not say publicly but I literally shouted out with joy to see you!

My daughter is in grad school in Florida and doing great. I miss her FIERCELY but we hadn't thought of skype - she usually calls when she is away from home. Heck she is always away from her home. :)

I do tease my son about his lack of phone skills - he never thinks to call me but I call him within reason. LOL. he prefers text messages.... : ) and we do have twitter.

I see you write posts about as often as I do. Not very often but I always enjoy plunking one down. I'll start tracking you so I know when you write something.

[elowena.livejournal.com]

Hahah! I'm at the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor for my second year in a PhD programme. (Second out of...7.5, on average - a long stint!)

Alas, I don't update LJ very often at all. Just seems like other social media have taken over the niche it used to fill. I do check my friends feed for updates regularly, though. So, I wouldn't hold my breath for posts from me, but I'll be sure to read any updates you write!

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

Social media - me too. Mostly twitter but I have a sorta-facebook... Sometimes I even update it! :)

Oh good for you on the PhD! That IS a long haul... my daughter hasn't decided if she will go for her PhD immediately or work awhile. It should be interesting... :) You are very far away from me, Alas. I am down in Texas.

Yes, stay in touch! That may be incentive to write more...

[elowena.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I am very excited most of the time. It's tough, and sometimes it's terrifying to think I'll be in my mid-30s by the time I defend (TMI: especially since my long-term boyfriend just dumped me and I don't really foresee much potential for dating while spending 95% of my time studying or doing fieldwork in Greece). But then I have a discussion with my fellow students, stand in awe of their brains, and remember how grateful I should be that I get to spend my days studying stuff I'm passionate about.

Best of luck to your daughter as she figures out the next step. I have no sage advice - some people want to get their PhD young so they can start a life, some people want to start a life and *then* get their PhDs, and then there's people like me who are just all-around late bloomers. ;) And somehow, all of those scenarios work out in the end.

Yes, distance. The magnitude of North America never truly hit me until I was in Canada and took a roadtrip that looked like an hour's drive on the map - turned out to be seven! But I am hoping to see the States beyond Michigan at some point, and I'll definitely let you know if I venture into the deep South. :) Goodness knows I could do with warmer weather!

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

My peach tree has bloomed, I planted squash and cucumbers and herbs and tomatoes and green beeans... and flowers and caladiums and elephant ears! I spent almost all weekend out in the sunshine. Needed that.

Sigh, :( sorry about the getting dumped. I read your posts so saw a little what was going on.

[caninepawprints.livejournal.com]

I've never really lived alone either, but there were a few circumstances that were pretty close to it.

1) Todd was deployed for six months and it was only my 1-year-old son and me. I was HORRIBLY depressed all the time, and most days just laid around the house.

2) This past summer, I'd spend every other week alone in my apartment, and depression always set in.

Bottom line is I can't live alone for more than a few days, I suppose.