another year rolls by

[paragraphs]

I am almost 46. WTH am I doing?

Nothing, really, and that is just not acceptable anymore.

Creativity? Who the hell said you could go on vacation?

Comments

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

Sigh I know--but I used to do all that AND take care of the spouse, and wrote lots. And lots and lots. Writing was my escape back then, now I don't need escape. Or, well, maybe I do...

In any case, no whining. Not after reading your post about the earthquake in China.

[pir8fancier.livejournal.com]

I hear you about escaping, but really, you weren't happy. Yes, you were writing, but... Now you're happy. That doesn't mean you get a pass on the writing, but you wouldn't trade those days for these days, now would you?

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

LOL no, oh gosh no. I'm fairly happy--not entirely as I have some things going on that I don't like. But, I have the power to change them--no one else. I had a better grip on myself six months ago, even five, than I do now. Think I've been in danger without realizing it--and letting myself slip up, which makes me slip up in other ways...including being the best I can for Nick. He doesn't need the whiney mopey person I've been lately. Gosh this shoulder/arm thing has really shredded me. And scared me too, how down I've been pushed from it. I've easily lost sight of a whole bunch of things--and who wants that in their life. I'm recovering from it, and more quickly than I probably would've--but what if I hadn't? I gotta get back to taking better care of myself, else there will be nothing left worth caring for.

I am very dull lately, honestly. Physical pain can really kill one's passion for things. Sure has mine.

[pir8fancier.livejournal.com]

Chronic pain is horrible (I know). It not only makes you focus only on the pain, it tends to make you selfish. After my awful medical maladies, I had a whole bunch more empathy for people who live with chornic illnesses. So work on getting shoulder healed and then take stock. Again, you've got a young man for a son, ask him to take the dogs out for a walk.

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

Oh yes I too have a new appreciation and empathy--I am very lucky that the neck pain is entirely gone. The worst I have now is still a ghost of that lower arm pain--very bizarre but extremely painful--and the numb fingers. Sciatica was tough but it wasn't anything like this, and you are right--it really makes you focus on just the pain, and nothing else really gets through.

For so many days, in fact just until Friday which seemed to be the turning point, I couldn't lay on either side, even bend down, without the terrible deep ache. It hurt like no other pain I've had before. And there was no relief. It still hurts but is finally tolerable.

I went out and chased them around--today was lovely and I was home most of the day so they got lots of outside time, and I was able to take them to the dog park saturday. Both are sleeping peacefully on my bed now. Huskies take sooo much energy to keep up with and I have not been able to. At all!