another year rolls by

[paragraphs]

I am almost 46. WTH am I doing?

Nothing, really, and that is just not acceptable anymore.

Creativity? Who the hell said you could go on vacation?

Comments

[melusinahp.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I relate a whole lot.

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

Every comment reply will begin with, "I'm sorry I haven't written a reply, but the pain in my arm was too vicious to write until a few days ago."

I'm still almost 46, but am trying to pull it together. I'm tired of being down. You know?

[liriaen.livejournal.com]

Ah, we go through these phases. Some are longer and more frustrating than others, it seems. That's the price we pay.
And actually, I think there's good reason to be wary of people with a solid, steady output of "stuff".

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

This one is too long, way too long. The last two and a half weeks have been hellish, but I am slowly coming back to normal.

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

Please tell Anotsu I am sorry for sending a big baaaad wolf to him, but for the first time in over two weeks, I felt inspired to write. :)

Mwuah!

[liriaen.livejournal.com]

Well, as long as you're not offended when he shows a tendency to freak; any large canine is his Achilles' heel. He can handle his own against 50 samurai, but he doesn't do so good with feral dogs.

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

Hey! Navarre's not feral! LOL. Anotsu KNOWS that Navarre is smart...and even has his own computer now. But, he doesn't have it there. So.... and no I've not forgotten about either Anotsu's or Cesare's dislike of Navarre. I've just been waiting for Anotsu to appear somewhere I could send Navarre for a visit... heh!

Now, if only the powersthatbe would ever approve the character they said they would--six weeks ago. I am quite frustrated these days.

[liriaen.livejournal.com]

Aw c'mon, they are each true their time and character. Anotsu has a childhood trauma re:dogs, and 1780's Edo Japan is not the place where you'd find a shrink to work that bit out. And Cesare doesn't actively dislike him, really; he's just from a time when there were wolves in the Apennine and basically everywhere, and they were very fucking feral alright. Cesare in his latter years was very much a lone wolf himself, but he can't have been happy listening to them in the Pyrénées at night.

Yeah, those powers. :/

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

Sigh, poor Anotsu... I rather like this facet of him, it just seems to be drawing a mischevious side of Navarre out (one that is probably really not that cool).

Sigh... I pretty much give up. Waiting 2.5 months is ridiculous. LOL I am suspecting that they have something against me personally or something...I am such a trouble maker!

[liriaen.livejournal.com]

I pretty much give up - Oh, don't yet, if your heart's set. I think it's just blatant neglect, not malice. The lady who plays Elric waited just as long/longer. But it's pretty shoddy.

Well, I mean, it's nothing that Anotsu can't handle, but he'll pretty much simply always react that way. He's just not given that sort of insight since he's never needed it; he acts along his sense of honour, the code he was brought up to and which he subverts in his own way. He's pretty damn smart, but I won't write him OOC, so I'm afraid he's pretty limited in that regard. (He's got enough on his hands in his canon at present...)

[klgrem.livejournal.com]

I know how you feel. *Hugs* :)

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

Growly, huh, yeah me too.

[sartorias.livejournal.com]

It's just a phase--your subconscious is working on other things, or working on one big thing, just hasn't presented it yet.

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

well honestly it actually has been, for some time, but the subconscious wars with the conscious, and I talk myself out of doing what I really want. But what has gotten in the way mostly is physical health--I can finally write again without horrible pain. I've never had such a horrible spell of carpal tunnel in my life.

[elbavolnu.livejournal.com]

You're helping me get through my life with your comments of advice and motivated, so I can be almost 46 and say the same thing :-p

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

And that is the most beautiful comment of all (hope the others don't mind).

Hugs babe--you are doing great.

[pir8fancier.livejournal.com]

Let's see. You're raising two children, by yourself. Managing a house, a job, a virtual kennel, by yourself. I think your a superwoman, frankly. Don't be so hard on yourself!

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

Sigh I know--but I used to do all that AND take care of the spouse, and wrote lots. And lots and lots. Writing was my escape back then, now I don't need escape. Or, well, maybe I do...

In any case, no whining. Not after reading your post about the earthquake in China.

[pir8fancier.livejournal.com]

I hear you about escaping, but really, you weren't happy. Yes, you were writing, but... Now you're happy. That doesn't mean you get a pass on the writing, but you wouldn't trade those days for these days, now would you?

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

LOL no, oh gosh no. I'm fairly happy--not entirely as I have some things going on that I don't like. But, I have the power to change them--no one else. I had a better grip on myself six months ago, even five, than I do now. Think I've been in danger without realizing it--and letting myself slip up, which makes me slip up in other ways...including being the best I can for Nick. He doesn't need the whiney mopey person I've been lately. Gosh this shoulder/arm thing has really shredded me. And scared me too, how down I've been pushed from it. I've easily lost sight of a whole bunch of things--and who wants that in their life. I'm recovering from it, and more quickly than I probably would've--but what if I hadn't? I gotta get back to taking better care of myself, else there will be nothing left worth caring for.

I am very dull lately, honestly. Physical pain can really kill one's passion for things. Sure has mine.

[pir8fancier.livejournal.com]

Chronic pain is horrible (I know). It not only makes you focus only on the pain, it tends to make you selfish. After my awful medical maladies, I had a whole bunch more empathy for people who live with chornic illnesses. So work on getting shoulder healed and then take stock. Again, you've got a young man for a son, ask him to take the dogs out for a walk.

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

Oh yes I too have a new appreciation and empathy--I am very lucky that the neck pain is entirely gone. The worst I have now is still a ghost of that lower arm pain--very bizarre but extremely painful--and the numb fingers. Sciatica was tough but it wasn't anything like this, and you are right--it really makes you focus on just the pain, and nothing else really gets through.

For so many days, in fact just until Friday which seemed to be the turning point, I couldn't lay on either side, even bend down, without the terrible deep ache. It hurt like no other pain I've had before. And there was no relief. It still hurts but is finally tolerable.

I went out and chased them around--today was lovely and I was home most of the day so they got lots of outside time, and I was able to take them to the dog park saturday. Both are sleeping peacefully on my bed now. Huskies take sooo much energy to keep up with and I have not been able to. At all!