Book Reviews are Like Unexpected Rainshowers...

[paragraphs]

Okay that is super corny for a subject line, but it just never seems to fail to happen...whenever I am feeling really stale  and crappy re: my writing, more in the mood to stop writing than pick it up again because once again I've managed to convince myself my writing is crap now, crap crap crap, just am all twisty and frustrated with too many half-ideas and no brain to figure even one out and wanting to do things that I really am not the kind of writer to do, I get a surprise in my mailbox that reminds me of what I *am* good at, and what I really love most.

Thanks Hayley, for the smack in the face.  (The good kind, I promise). 

It is truly strange to read what others pull out of a fic you've written.  The descriptions of my book and what this blogger saw in it make me wonder once again--HOW DID I DO THAT????  I honestly don't know.  In any case, I'm always grateful to get fan letters for this book.  So here it is if anyone wants to peek:

Red

I've got to answer her email and thank her...she asked if the rumors were true (rumors? where the hell are they talking about me, oh my!), am I really writing a sequel? Well, yeah, I started it...and I will now finish it.  LOL especially given I told my temp editor I'd have it done by end of September...meep!   LOL.  It is now mid-July...and I've made NO progress since April. ZIP.

I do worry though--how can I top Red? I think that is part of my problem with working on ballet boy (as I call it) because I know it can't be as good as Red was...and thus, I have let myself stalemate.

So...

Tomorrow morning, at 5:20, I board the bus to take me back to Hamburg Airport to catch my flight back to Fort Worth.  Home--yeah, I guess, but with each passing day, month, year, and with every new time I have with Nick, the less it feels like home. I grew up in Fort Worth, made my married life there, had the kidlets, we still live in the same house we lived in when the spouse died...I have a good job there, 8 years with it in fact...but it is not where I want to be, not anymore.  But...no changes for now can happen, so when I get back, instead of being the mopey banana I was these last nine months (since Nick left Texas until we met up in Hamburg) I am going to cut the crappy attitude and accomplish some things.  

Of course, it is true I got off my butt and lost a hell of a lot of weight (which Nick approved of, yeah baby he said all the right things when he saw me) but now I need to switch all that energy to other things. So, I will.  YES! I WILL! 

To writing, to finding (or founding) a writing group, open-minded people only can apply, thanks, to diving into GIS and seeing if that is the direction I want to go career wise and if not, figuring out something else because my job is extremely specific to BNSF Rwy and as such, is impossible to transfer anywhere else. I am woefully unprepared for working in any other field.  Being damn good at what I do now is useless to me.  Not good, that.

So, plans must be made and followed through on--swift kicks in the rear to help me stay on track are always welcome. LOL.

But first, have to get through these next hours without dissolving into a pile of jiggly woobley goo.  Sigh. (honestly, we really ARE better this time--last time I was in Germany we started wibbling three, four days before I left!).  Still, it is hard, always hard, to leave the most amazing person ever, who I love like crazy, even if only for a little while. 

Comments

[momebie.livejournal.com]

I think that (and I'm being a huge hypocrite, because hi) you shouldn't let Red overshadow the sequel. It's not going to BE Red, so once you get that out of your mind you'll be free to write that book as it should be written.

Also, I am totally going to start starting rumours about you.

URGH. SWIFT KICKS IN THE REAR. I NEEDS THEM.

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

Smile. I kinda regret my plunge into super-mopeyness that made me write that. I know I can write something just as good. I am incredibly nervous about it, which I really hate and wonder where that comes from because I never used to be so freaking unsure of self.

LETS KICK EACH OTHER! I think that might help!

[klgrem.livejournal.com]

I agree. Don't think about it being better than Red. I know you. Just writing it will make it better.
That's just the way you are. :)

*hugs*

Miss our emailing sometimes but I'm glad you're so very much happier now. ♥

[bodlon.livejournal.com]

because I know it can't be as good as Red was

Um. NO. *swats C* You're a good writer. Don't let the self-talk bring you down.

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

*ducks* LOL. Mmmm probably shouldn't have written that, though I've long thought that. LOL. I do need to turn off that inner brain. Am promising to get back to FW and become a writer again...sure haven't been the last nine months (though I did write alot actually...just not consistently).

You are awesome, you know that?

[bodlon.livejournal.com]

I might do, yeah. ;)

And so are you.

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

Yeah, you can't talk yourself into lies. You're a good writer, lady, and wow was that review sweet!

Sorry about having to go home! ::wibbly:: That blows. But! Puppies at home! Not that I just compared N to a dog or anything.

Gah, "life choices" suck sometimes. I'm gonna go "choose" some Chinese food.

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

These reviews (the pro ones too) always seem to make it seem like I did some sort of amazing miracle planning/plotting/brilliance...and all I did was just write, just sat down every night, and write--no planning or thought to it at all. Very much character-driven, that story...

and in first person which I will always, always prefer. (sigh)

CHINESE! We had croissanty rolls earlier and Nick is thinking about spaghetties. We'll see.

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

That always makes me laugh, because some of the better work I do, I do without planning! Go, my sister in not planning!

I like writing in 1st person too. I wonder why I never do it.

I HAD TO FORGO THE CHINESE, BUT LIKE I SAID, BAD CROISSANWICH. :( SAD PANDA TUMMY.

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

I was forced to give up first by my editor, so started the sequel in third, then said editor may or may not be missing...I have found writing this one in third (with two POV's) to feel trite and romance-novely which I do not care for.

I love first person. I tend to write mysteries and first is such a powerful pov for the kind of fic I like to write. Honestly--this is what keeps me from writing fanfic too--I am not happy writing in third, and there is such negativity toward first, that I just throw my hands up and just settle for being a reader, and Nick's cheerleader.

If I were a panda, I'd be sad.

(and honestly? This overwhelming, craving desire to write in first, dammit, is why I am seriously looking at a Being Human idea I have, and writing the damn thing in first, to hell with what anyone thinks. That fandom is practically nonexistent so I know I would feel free doing so. Plus, it is a werewolf story, and werewolves rule!!!)

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

DO FIRST PERSON. SOME OF MY FAVORITE STORIES ARE IN FIRST. And my werewolf novel is in first! Think of Charlaine! Think of Jim Butcher! Think of Anne Rice! Well, no, don't think of her. THINK OF MOBY DICK.

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

Moby Dick was in first? Been so long! Yeah, me too on first....and YAY you are writing in first too? *nods* I knew you were super-cool, this proves it.

LOL.

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

THEY CALL ME EFFING ISHMAEL. Sounds like first to me. David Copperfield. The Postman Always Rings Twice. Most of Frankenstein.

1st rules.

[amproof.livejournal.com]

That is a fantastic review! And someone commented and said it was in her top 5 books. I understand why you are feeling pressure. But don't worry! You will persevere and do it!

[kel-reiley.livejournal.com]

woohoo! for reviews!
srsly, i gotta start working on my orig fic

[catsintheattic.livejournal.com]

You silly goose! *hugs you tight* Don't question your writing, dearest. Not in *that* way. You will be able to write something as good as Red when you don't but that question (will it be as good?) in the forefront of your mind.

Print out that review and whenever you doubt, hang it right in front of your screen and type without looking at your text. Read it until you know it by heart.

Like you said, you achieved a lot in the last six months with your weight loss. Now you can go and conquer your other tasks. Pour your energy and your love into life and writing.

My thoughts are with you. *hugs you tight*

[suonguyen.livejournal.com]

Hey! New fan, well fan for a while but just recently found out that you have an LJ.

Anyways.

It makes me indescribably happy to hear that you're writing a sequel for Red. If I was that type of person, I would be jumping up and down and doing a spaz dance or something. And September is not too far away either! :D

And Red... I say trying to compare your other works to that one is like trying to compare your second to your first borne. Every story is an individual in its own right, even if it is a sequel to something that is great. Although I am bias I am so desperately craving for more Brandon and Nick.

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

Sigh...I wish I could say I've worked on this since getting back from Wales, but I haven't. Wrote myself into a wall! This is in third person (my editor's insistence, grrr) and I'm not overly fond of it, so that hasn't helped. Still, I think I've figured out how to break out of the problem. Been super-busy at work, and went and signed up for something--lol, hp_darkfest? Hello, I saw it on your userpage. And pir8! Is she how you found me? Just curious. I'm signed up to that fest (though I've written maybe 2 HP fics) on a crazy whim, and via my into_officeboys lj.

In any case, thanks! And of course Brandon and Nick are in it. Of course.

(here's hoping this weekend allows me some good writing time, as I'm sure not getting it during the week!)

Friended back. Few of my posts are closed, but there's a few in there.

[suonguyen.livejournal.com]

Ahh, I'm kinda a huge fan of third person... lol I just like the idea that the reader isn't limited to one particular characters point of view, but the whole picture.

LOL hp_darkfest? Nice to meet another HP fan, although I don't really read anything other than h/d or r/d. LOL nope I found you through elisa_rolle's review page.

Just a quick question, was Red ever released in Print?

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

:)

No, Red is too long, at almost 260k words. Bummer I know. I thought about doing it myself, but it would be huge! LOL. But I signed foreign rights this last round, and would love to see it translated into some other language. Crazy. I just love it is still selling nicely. At least a tank's worth of gas a month, many months two tanks! or even three!

[suonguyen.livejournal.com]

LOL that's great to hear, especially with gas prices these days. Pity about not being in print, I have this weird habit where I buy the e-book for my reader, than if I really like it I have to get the print version to put on my shelf. LOL.