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So, this has been an interesting week. Seven days ago, I finally gave in to my doctor's suggestion and said okay, dammit, I'll try it, I'll try your damn Wellbutrin. I've had 8 doses now and I have to admit, every day has been better than the previous. Tuesday was brilliant followed by a not-so-brilliant Wednesday, but yesterday and today were good. My mind is calming, I'm able to find and keep (at least for a little) that inner peace that has been so damn elusive in my mind. I'm getting things done as a result, and man, that is a huge relief. I really hate being miserable.
I've long struggled with focus, long found it next-to-impossible to actually just sit, by myself, at my computer and relax, keep the evil thoughts at bay, and sink myself into writing. Oddly, I have no problem when it comes to work. Just my own writing (which is very sad isn't it?) I've tried everything short of drugs--heck my boyfriend is a psychologist, he has taught me tons of techniques to help (and they have indeed helped) but man, sometimes it is impossible to keep the edgy, teary-eyed, over-reactive, depressed and blue fractured constantly-on-the-verge-of-tears thoughts at bay by sheer force and will. Sucks, really sucks. Sigh. So I gave in, got the damned drugs, and am hoping that things continue to get better. I hope so, I hope so.
Nano is this month as all know and despite a few days of crises (that led up to calling the doc) I am doing very very well with Nano, for the first time ever. I'm hitting the halfway mark today, which thrills me to pieces. Yeah yeah I am way behind but I am doing Nano not to write a 50k book from word 1 to word 50,000, but to finish this ms that I started two years ago--two freaking years ago. Right now I am around 62k, with a goal of 80k. I have about 6-7 scenes to go until it is done. I rewrite as I go, but it will need a clean-up rewrite, and I also need to make sure all my characterizations are in-line (especially after stringing the characters along for two freaking years).
I love the optimism I feel right now, this second, this peace that comes with knowing I can do this. AM doing this. Given this will be the first manuscript I've completed in almost FIVE years? Yeah. This is big. I'm going to be able to turn this puppy in sometime in December, which leaves me ecstatic beyond words. Hopefully will make my editor ecstatic, too... It better! More like she will probably faint.
Next ms for Loose-Id, my goal is to write it, start to finish, in three months. I know I can do this if my stupid mind lets me and I don't succumb to the mess that my brain has been for so long.
After that, the rest of 2011 will be devoted to the fantasy.
Other things--I've now watched all the episodes of Supernatural, and while I am glad I waited until now to do this, it is kinda sad I didn't enjoy the show all these years. Oh well! I have now, and I especially love Dean. By rights I should be really annoyed with him--he is an awful lot like alot of guys I've known and heck, he's a Texas boy to boot, so...yeah. But, really have enjoyed watching the show lots, sharing the fun with Nick and with Blue aka![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
blue_fjords. Dean's characteristics have kinda snuck into my current ms, the Lee character...LOL. I can't see this as a bad thing, except the rewrite will be more complicated as a result. Darn you Dean Winchester! Why are you so perfect???
I am baking bread tomorrow! I'm using a recipe ofspiderine's that involves beer and two kinds of flour and lots of dough-smacking. Should be fun. I am not budging from the house the rest of the weekend, and am excited about making bread. LOL!
YULETIDE--yes, I changed mine at the last minute, I did. I like looking at the last minute to see what needs offers, and try to pick those I believe would be great fun. I also added a request--Day of the Triffids! I must remember to tellmisswinterhill as she is the person who convinced me to read the book. I love post-apocalyptic novels for some reason, and this one is just fantastic. The movie was dorky. I think they are remaking it, actually. WAIT! THE BBC DID A TWO PART MINI-SERIES in 2009!!! I must find it!!!!!
NICK IS CALLING ME!!!
LOL okay we talked a long time. Man that was nice, usually he goes to sleep well, well before 8 p.m. my time. We both miss (terribly!) the days he could stay up into the wee hours and get up late, making our up-times match more closely (oh the fun of long-distance partnerships, huh) but...real life and jobs have put an end to that. Funny thing though is now I am not used to him staying up so late so I had to fuss at him to GO TO BED so I could write. :) Sorry baby...LOL!!
What else? Daughter's interview for Teach for America is in a couple of weeks--things look very good for her to get a position. Where though? We don't know--Somewhere, USA. My sister and I vote for Nashville (cuz my sister is there, yeah?).
No other plans for the weekend--just play with my puppies, talk with Nick, write, bake bread, write more, laundry, write, write, write. And write some more.
And, most importantly, stay happy. That'd sure be nice.
I've long struggled with focus, long found it next-to-impossible to actually just sit, by myself, at my computer and relax, keep the evil thoughts at bay, and sink myself into writing. Oddly, I have no problem when it comes to work. Just my own writing (which is very sad isn't it?) I've tried everything short of drugs--heck my boyfriend is a psychologist, he has taught me tons of techniques to help (and they have indeed helped) but man, sometimes it is impossible to keep the edgy, teary-eyed, over-reactive, depressed and blue fractured constantly-on-the-verge-of-tears thoughts at bay by sheer force and will. Sucks, really sucks. Sigh. So I gave in, got the damned drugs, and am hoping that things continue to get better. I hope so, I hope so.
Nano is this month as all know and despite a few days of crises (that led up to calling the doc) I am doing very very well with Nano, for the first time ever. I'm hitting the halfway mark today, which thrills me to pieces. Yeah yeah I am way behind but I am doing Nano not to write a 50k book from word 1 to word 50,000, but to finish this ms that I started two years ago--two freaking years ago. Right now I am around 62k, with a goal of 80k. I have about 6-7 scenes to go until it is done. I rewrite as I go, but it will need a clean-up rewrite, and I also need to make sure all my characterizations are in-line (especially after stringing the characters along for two freaking years).
I love the optimism I feel right now, this second, this peace that comes with knowing I can do this. AM doing this. Given this will be the first manuscript I've completed in almost FIVE years? Yeah. This is big. I'm going to be able to turn this puppy in sometime in December, which leaves me ecstatic beyond words. Hopefully will make my editor ecstatic, too... It better! More like she will probably faint.
Next ms for Loose-Id, my goal is to write it, start to finish, in three months. I know I can do this if my stupid mind lets me and I don't succumb to the mess that my brain has been for so long.
After that, the rest of 2011 will be devoted to the fantasy.
Other things--I've now watched all the episodes of Supernatural, and while I am glad I waited until now to do this, it is kinda sad I didn't enjoy the show all these years. Oh well! I have now, and I especially love Dean. By rights I should be really annoyed with him--he is an awful lot like alot of guys I've known and heck, he's a Texas boy to boot, so...yeah. But, really have enjoyed watching the show lots, sharing the fun with Nick and with Blue aka
blue_fjords. Dean's characteristics have kinda snuck into my current ms, the Lee character...LOL. I can't see this as a bad thing, except the rewrite will be more complicated as a result. Darn you Dean Winchester! Why are you so perfect???I am baking bread tomorrow! I'm using a recipe of
spiderine's that involves beer and two kinds of flour and lots of dough-smacking. Should be fun. I am not budging from the house the rest of the weekend, and am excited about making bread. LOL!YULETIDE--yes, I changed mine at the last minute, I did. I like looking at the last minute to see what needs offers, and try to pick those I believe would be great fun. I also added a request--Day of the Triffids! I must remember to tell
misswinterhill as she is the person who convinced me to read the book. I love post-apocalyptic novels for some reason, and this one is just fantastic. The movie was dorky. I think they are remaking it, actually. WAIT! THE BBC DID A TWO PART MINI-SERIES in 2009!!! I must find it!!!!!NICK IS CALLING ME!!!
LOL okay we talked a long time. Man that was nice, usually he goes to sleep well, well before 8 p.m. my time. We both miss (terribly!) the days he could stay up into the wee hours and get up late, making our up-times match more closely (oh the fun of long-distance partnerships, huh) but...real life and jobs have put an end to that. Funny thing though is now I am not used to him staying up so late so I had to fuss at him to GO TO BED so I could write. :) Sorry baby...LOL!!
What else? Daughter's interview for Teach for America is in a couple of weeks--things look very good for her to get a position. Where though? We don't know--Somewhere, USA. My sister and I vote for Nashville (cuz my sister is there, yeah?).
No other plans for the weekend--just play with my puppies, talk with Nick, write, bake bread, write more, laundry, write, write, write. And write some more.
And, most importantly, stay happy. That'd sure be nice.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2010-11-20 02:58 am (UTC)Also - Wellbutrin is, indeed, a lovely drug if you can tolerate it (and you would have known by now if you couldn't) so Yay for you taking care of your own self! Since you are very much in "building" mode I'm using my spanking new "blueprint" icon!
(no subject)
Date: 2010-11-20 03:02 am (UTC)Also yay for writing! :D
(no subject)
Date: 2010-11-20 03:07 am (UTC)also, I find I'm liking Sam more and more without a soul. tonights episode was epic. i giggled so hard.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-11-20 03:44 am (UTC)OMG, I can't wait for you to turn in that Ballet Boy! Excitement abounds!!!
(And hearts to Dean.)
(no subject)
Date: 2010-11-20 03:48 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-11-20 08:57 am (UTC)I miss writing so much these days, but your example tells me that it's doable, and I find this very inspiring. I want to write. I really do. And I want to write fanfic and original stuff both. I still have hopes that part of what I have to do is move to a place with more space or - if that doesn't work out - at least re-arrange my current flat.
Dean, I love Dean! I've seen the first three seasons so far, desperately waiting for the fourth to be released on DVD. And I'm enjoying the discussions at a friend's journal - there is a lot of squeeing about the boys and the Winchester family dynamics. :-) And Dean, he is just so ... I want to hug him and hit him over the head at the same time. He moves me, even though I find it easier to relate to Sam.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-11-20 10:40 am (UTC)Good that the Wellbutrin is working. My husband was on that for smoking cessation and it helped! I'm not sure it did anything for his mood (and when I tried it, it didn't affect me at all.)
Yay for Teach for America! *fingers crossed for Nashville*
(no subject)
Date: 2010-11-20 11:59 am (UTC)You know, it must be some years since I finished a novel length manuscript too. I've written short stories and have big chunks of several novels on the go, but nothing new completed. Hmmm... I think that will have to be my writing goal for 2011.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-11-20 01:11 pm (UTC)Good luck to your daughter! And to you on finishing this ms :)
Ah, SPN. I do love it, and Dean, to pieces
(no subject)
Date: 2010-11-20 04:59 pm (UTC)Oh man, I do intend to drive down to Austin after you get that house done as I want to visit you again cuz you are so much fun and AUstin rocks and I want to see what they did. LOL. And, want to play with your dogs.
YES for the Tiff. She has her interview suit now. Two more weeks! And then she should know by January where she will go, unless they reject her, which would devastate her at this point. One of her guy friends also is rolling along in the interview process, but wants Atlanta above all as his girlfriend wants to go to a photography school there.
It is hard to think about letting the kids go, but then again I've had the Tiff longer at home than most. And I won't miss her messiness... LOL.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-11-20 05:00 pm (UTC)What I do notice is I am focusing better, which is good.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-11-20 05:01 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-11-20 05:02 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-11-20 05:02 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-11-20 05:04 pm (UTC)And oh yes, Deaaaannnn has infiltrated my current ms, and I am glad he has. LOL.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-11-20 05:07 pm (UTC)Tiff wants San Francisco really badly, sigh. Okay that would be awesome if that makes her happy but it is SO expensive, a afraid it will lose its charm fast for her. Plus we don't have anyone out there--we do in Nashville and in the Twin Cities. She is completely avoiding the middle of the country. Kansas? Uh, no way.
Yeah, I read that it is used for smoking cessation and also ADD. Maybe that is why I am focusing better...I don't know, it has been a week. At least I am not just quick to lose-it as I've been. I hate feeling just like everything is impossible.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-11-20 05:09 pm (UTC)It is depressing not to have accomplished anything, in so so long. Recently I went to a booksigning for Rachel Caine who is, I estimate, close to my own age. She is so amazing, has achieved so much, is living the life of the fulltime writer, and her work ethic is brilliant. WHY AM I NOT HER? I SHOULD'VE BEEN!!! She's who I got the 3-months-first-draft thing from. Just amazing. I haven't even read any of her books (bought 2) but it is her process, enthusiasm, and determination I admire tons. I know there is NO reason why that can't be me too.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-11-20 05:11 pm (UTC)SPN, why did I forsake you for so long? I just think I wasn't in the right frame of mind back then. I own the first season yet back then, the first episode of the 2nd season just hit too hard. Now it doesn't bother me at all...crazy head. LOL.
Okay now to shut up and get to work. :)
(no subject)
Date: 2010-11-20 05:14 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-11-20 06:40 pm (UTC)So basically, it comes down to having enough space so that I can have several projects running at the same time without packing and unpacking them all the time.
I guess we're a lot alike in that aspect: we need a clear and clean environment to write. And Dean to squee over. &hearts
(no subject)
Date: 2010-11-20 06:47 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-11-20 07:34 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-11-21 02:04 am (UTC)(not sure when you posted this, as am playing catch up while Merlin dls)
(no subject)
Date: 2010-11-21 02:21 am (UTC)I have only had a few moments of WAAHH today, and wrote over 5000 words, which is just WOW to me. WOW. Am making really good progress, and have a pathway to the end that I think will be moving, powerful, gut-wrenching and awesome. At least I hope so. LOL.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-11-21 02:28 am (UTC)yeah, dunno about SPN. Seems like the kind of thing you need to share the squee with people over and now practically everyone I know has already seen it, so just feel late to the party. whatever.
ok, hush me. just missing people today which is silly as I have a friends date tomorrow night, but it's been SO LONG since I've had any friends time. blah. but enuf of that.