Yet another C never posts but is posting now post (and thus, writing alot all at once)

[paragraphs]

So, this has been an interesting week. Seven days ago, I finally gave in to my doctor's suggestion and said okay, dammit, I'll try it, I'll try your damn Wellbutrin. I've had 8 doses now and I have to admit, every day has been better than the previous. Tuesday was brilliant followed by a not-so-brilliant Wednesday, but yesterday and today were good. My mind is calming, I'm able to find and keep (at least for a little) that inner peace that has been so damn elusive in my mind. I'm getting things done as a result, and man, that is a huge relief. I really hate being miserable.

I've long struggled with focus, long found it next-to-impossible to actually just sit, by myself, at my computer and relax, keep the evil thoughts at bay, and sink myself into writing. Oddly, I have no problem when it comes to work. Just my own writing (which is very sad isn't it?) I've tried everything short of drugs--heck my boyfriend is a psychologist, he has taught me tons of techniques to help (and they have indeed helped) but man, sometimes it is impossible to keep the edgy, teary-eyed, over-reactive, depressed and blue fractured constantly-on-the-verge-of-tears thoughts at bay by sheer force and will. Sucks, really sucks. Sigh. So I gave in, got the damned drugs, and am hoping that things continue to get better. I hope so, I hope so.

Nano is this month as all know and despite a few days of crises (that led up to calling the doc) I am doing very very well with Nano, for the first time ever. I'm hitting the halfway mark today, which thrills me to pieces. Yeah yeah I am way behind but I am doing Nano not to write a 50k book from word 1 to word 50,000, but to finish this ms that I started two years ago--two freaking years ago. Right now I am around 62k, with a goal of 80k. I have about 6-7 scenes to go until it is done. I rewrite as I go, but it will need a clean-up rewrite, and I also need to make sure all my characterizations are in-line (especially after stringing the characters along for two freaking years).

I love the optimism I feel right now, this second, this peace that comes with knowing I can do this. AM doing this. Given this will be the first manuscript I've completed in almost FIVE years? Yeah. This is big. I'm going to be able to turn this puppy in sometime in December, which leaves me ecstatic beyond words. Hopefully will make my editor ecstatic, too... It better! More like she will probably faint.

Next ms for Loose-Id, my goal is to write it, start to finish, in three months. I know I can do this if my stupid mind lets me and I don't succumb to the mess that my brain has been for so long.

After that, the rest of 2011 will be devoted to the fantasy.

Other things--I've now watched all the episodes of Supernatural, and while I am glad I waited until now to do this, it is kinda sad I didn't enjoy the show all these years. Oh well! I have now, and I especially love Dean. By rights I should be really annoyed with him--he is an awful lot like alot of guys I've known and heck, he's a Texas boy to boot, so...yeah. But, really have enjoyed watching the show lots, sharing the fun with Nick and with Blue aka blue_fjords. Dean's characteristics have kinda snuck into my current ms, the Lee character...LOL. I can't see this as a bad thing, except the rewrite will be more complicated as a result. Darn you Dean Winchester! Why are you so perfect???

I am baking bread tomorrow! I'm using a recipe of spiderine's that involves beer and two kinds of flour and lots of dough-smacking. Should be fun. I am not budging from the house the rest of the weekend, and am excited about making bread. LOL!

YULETIDE--yes, I changed mine at the last minute, I did. I like looking at the last minute to see what needs offers, and try to pick those I believe would be great fun. I also added a request--Day of the Triffids! I must remember to tell misswinterhill as she is the person who convinced me to read the book. I love post-apocalyptic novels for some reason, and this one is just fantastic. The movie was dorky. I think they are remaking it, actually. WAIT! THE BBC DID A TWO PART MINI-SERIES in 2009!!! I must find it!!!!!

NICK IS CALLING ME!!!

LOL okay we talked a long time. Man that was nice, usually he goes to sleep well, well before 8 p.m. my time. We both miss (terribly!) the days he could stay up into the wee hours and get up late, making our up-times match more closely (oh the fun of long-distance partnerships, huh) but...real life and jobs have put an end to that. Funny thing though is now I am not used to him staying up so late so I had to fuss at him to GO TO BED so I could write. :) Sorry baby...LOL!!

What else? Daughter's interview for Teach for America is in a couple of weeks--things look very good for her to get a position. Where though? We don't know--Somewhere, USA. My sister and I vote for Nashville (cuz my sister is there, yeah?).

No other plans for the weekend--just play with my puppies, talk with Nick, write, bake bread, write more, laundry, write, write, write. And write some more.

And, most importantly, stay happy. That'd sure be nice.

Comments

[dremiel.livejournal.com]

I'm glad things are moving in a positive way and YAY for TFA - they'll be so lucky to have her.

Also - Wellbutrin is, indeed, a lovely drug if you can tolerate it (and you would have known by now if you couldn't) so Yay for you taking care of your own self! Since you are very much in "building" mode I'm using my spanking new "blueprint" icon!

[tree00faery.livejournal.com]

Woo! I'm glad you are getting things done and are happy! Normally I'm kinda 'meh' about drugs, but sounds like you tried everything else first. I'm hope that your life gets a bit easier!

Also yay for writing! :D

[lovedlea.livejournal.com]

drugs are a good thing. hopefully i'll get some soon.

also, I find I'm liking Sam more and more without a soul. tonights episode was epic. i giggled so hard.

[blue-fjords.livejournal.com]

Pics of the bread or it didn't happen! Mmmm...bread... yeah.

OMG, I can't wait for you to turn in that Ballet Boy! Excitement abounds!!!

(And hearts to Dean.)

[sartorias.livejournal.com]

Yay!

[catsintheattic.livejournal.com]

I'm glad for you that your mood and focus have improved and that you're getting things done. And it's so good that you are reaching a state where you can good take care of your work and your writing at the same time.

I miss writing so much these days, but your example tells me that it's doable, and I find this very inspiring. I want to write. I really do. And I want to write fanfic and original stuff both. I still have hopes that part of what I have to do is move to a place with more space or - if that doesn't work out - at least re-arrange my current flat.

Dean, I love Dean! I've seen the first three seasons so far, desperately waiting for the fourth to be released on DVD. And I'm enjoying the discussions at a friend's journal - there is a lot of squeeing about the boys and the Winchester family dynamics. :-) And Dean, he is just so ... I want to hug him and hit him over the head at the same time. He moves me, even though I find it easier to relate to Sam.

[51stcenturyfox.livejournal.com]

Oh, THAT'S Spider Bread! Why was I thinking that was the name of it, like monkey bread? :D

Good that the Wellbutrin is working. My husband was on that for smoking cessation and it helped! I'm not sure it did anything for his mood (and when I tried it, it didn't affect me at all.)

Yay for Teach for America! *fingers crossed for Nashville*

[heleninwales.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you're feeling calmer and more productive. I know what that downward spiral is like, so reversing it into a postive spiral is excellent.

You know, it must be some years since I finished a novel length manuscript too. I've written short stories and have big chunks of several novels on the go, but nothing new completed. Hmmm... I think that will have to be my writing goal for 2011.

[candesgirl.livejournal.com]

Good for you, honey, for making that step and taking the meds. I hope they continue to help.

Good luck to your daughter! And to you on finishing this ms :)

Ah, SPN. I do love it, and Dean, to pieces

[valancy-joy.livejournal.com]

I always feel out of it when everyone starts talking Supernatural, but just a note to say I'm glad you're feeling better. happiness is a rare commodity around the little house, so I like to celebrate it whenever and wherever I can!!

(not sure when you posted this, as am playing catch up while Merlin dls)