Sometimes there is no winning....

[paragraphs]

Interesting that I had that subject line already. This family of my spouse's really takes the prize. All those women are out to stab each other, and now my BIL's wife has decided to pull me into the fray too, by giving my MIL all the emails I wrote about Kel. Ah yes, I confided in Nanciann alot there for awhile...some time ago. I was angry, and rightfully so--and it is, gee, kinda normal when you lose a spouse to get mad at them. And I was, gloriously so. I told Nanciann (she called me at work to tell me she and Jim were done with us as well) to go for it. If she felt like she had to do that, she wants to hurt the MIL that badly, then go for it.

The thing is, she fails to understand the relationship I have with my MIL. We give each other hell and get over it as we kinda know what is important in life--whatever I told Nanciann, was expressed by me on our long drive back and forth to Amarillo. Enough, at least, to know that Nanciann's action, while they hurt, sure they do, will not destroy me, or my MIL. Yes, my MIL holds her dead son on a pedestal. Is that not normal though? He WAS always the one who did things for her, took care of her, etc. The other two did not. Jim (Nanciann's husband) disappeared for years on us, before Kel ever got sick. And while he was sick, he never knew--not until the day he died.

So now Nanciann has decided to play this game, but I have already smacked it in the bud. She wants to hurt and punish my MIL, but my MIL is stronger than she seems. Sad, it is all sad, I think. Whatever, have a nice life, Jim and Nanciann. We won't feel much different here--they've hardly been around since Tiff was born anyway.

Carolyn

Comments

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

Yeah, indeed. The thing is, my MIL has doen some stupid stuff--yeah, she sure has. She is a real doozy. But on the other hand, she is truly not a bad person. I think the saddest thing is that she and her youngest just never were close. She waited nine years after Mary was born to have her son, and he was everything she wanted and longed for--then she got pregnant again. I know she didn't want to have another baby. I've known Jim since he was 16, and I know that I am shocked that he was on his own by 16... She hadn't the greatest mothering skills with him.

Frankly, I'm tired of them all, but I do not take my responsibility to my kids' only living grandmother lightly. She and I have always gotten along, even politically--lol standing up to Kel and his insistence on Bush, she and I roared and voted for Kerry--that was greatness. She is from a different era in her attitudes, and yet embraces such topics as homosexuality with openness. She wants Obama for President. (Yet she still calls him colored...ahh!). She's a woman with two feet in two different eras, really. She doesn't do too bad though for a 74 year old.

IN any case, she says she has no intention of reading whatever Nanciann feels like she has to drop off. I told her to if she wanted--it won't contain any surprises, though I know that is what Nanciann wants. She wants to hurt my MIL and hurt her bad, but MIL is amazingly tough on that count--she just doesn't care about Nanciann's opinions anymore, and views this as spiteful jealousy. I guess maybe it is? I don't know what triggered it, and it doesn't matter.

And like I said--it won't be any different. They were in this city for six months before we even knew they'd moved here.

[elbavolnu.livejournal.com]

In some other persona of myself I'd hate this said Nanciann, but the way it sounds, maybe they'd strive off that? Best thing to do is try to not let it phase you (which it appears that may be your intentions on doing regardless). Sometimes we walk into sliding glass doors when we have our heads down, but pretend no one saw it happen and you can go about it like it never took place. May be a little harder in this situation...but it's only natural to be uneasy about things.

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

I do feel better after getting right on the horn and telling MIL what Nanciann was planning to do. I flat out told her what I thought was in the emails... I also know I wrote alot of that stuff some time ago, when I was very angry still at Kel. Very. I've pretty much moved past that feeling about him now. There were lots of good times we had, and I know it is much better and happier to think about those times, long before he got sick. Going through grief is very different for everyone--mine was mostly based in the fields of anger, I think. Now, I can acknowledge that I loved him very much. But also do not feel guilty that I don't love him anymore, nor did I ever love him as I do someone now. Smile.

REcently I lost a bracelet I'd work for 13 years, given to me by him and my family. I have put it on every morning, taken it off and placed it carefully every night. Just before Christmas, it disappeared. I blame the puppy, who likes pretty things. Smile. Anyway, it is a curious thing--that constant reminder of The Family and its bindings is gone. I thought I would miss that bracelet, but I feel a strange and wonderful freedom on that arm. Like a shackle has been lifted and release...it is gone, my anger is gone, my guilt is gone. Buried and done with, somewhere in the backyard, perhaps. Should I find it again, I would put it in the china cabinet, and stay shackle free.

[elbavolnu.livejournal.com]

A sign. I like to believe in those things...those "signs". At first it's scary, but in the end you find a comfort in your lifestyle away from the things you grew with.

Glad you found a love greater than love.

XOXOXO

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

Thank you XO to you too.