Sometimes there is no winning....

[paragraphs]

Interesting that I had that subject line already. This family of my spouse's really takes the prize. All those women are out to stab each other, and now my BIL's wife has decided to pull me into the fray too, by giving my MIL all the emails I wrote about Kel. Ah yes, I confided in Nanciann alot there for awhile...some time ago. I was angry, and rightfully so--and it is, gee, kinda normal when you lose a spouse to get mad at them. And I was, gloriously so. I told Nanciann (she called me at work to tell me she and Jim were done with us as well) to go for it. If she felt like she had to do that, she wants to hurt the MIL that badly, then go for it.

The thing is, she fails to understand the relationship I have with my MIL. We give each other hell and get over it as we kinda know what is important in life--whatever I told Nanciann, was expressed by me on our long drive back and forth to Amarillo. Enough, at least, to know that Nanciann's action, while they hurt, sure they do, will not destroy me, or my MIL. Yes, my MIL holds her dead son on a pedestal. Is that not normal though? He WAS always the one who did things for her, took care of her, etc. The other two did not. Jim (Nanciann's husband) disappeared for years on us, before Kel ever got sick. And while he was sick, he never knew--not until the day he died.

So now Nanciann has decided to play this game, but I have already smacked it in the bud. She wants to hurt and punish my MIL, but my MIL is stronger than she seems. Sad, it is all sad, I think. Whatever, have a nice life, Jim and Nanciann. We won't feel much different here--they've hardly been around since Tiff was born anyway.

Carolyn

Comments

[elbavolnu.livejournal.com]

In some other persona of myself I'd hate this said Nanciann, but the way it sounds, maybe they'd strive off that? Best thing to do is try to not let it phase you (which it appears that may be your intentions on doing regardless). Sometimes we walk into sliding glass doors when we have our heads down, but pretend no one saw it happen and you can go about it like it never took place. May be a little harder in this situation...but it's only natural to be uneasy about things.

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

I do feel better after getting right on the horn and telling MIL what Nanciann was planning to do. I flat out told her what I thought was in the emails... I also know I wrote alot of that stuff some time ago, when I was very angry still at Kel. Very. I've pretty much moved past that feeling about him now. There were lots of good times we had, and I know it is much better and happier to think about those times, long before he got sick. Going through grief is very different for everyone--mine was mostly based in the fields of anger, I think. Now, I can acknowledge that I loved him very much. But also do not feel guilty that I don't love him anymore, nor did I ever love him as I do someone now. Smile.

REcently I lost a bracelet I'd work for 13 years, given to me by him and my family. I have put it on every morning, taken it off and placed it carefully every night. Just before Christmas, it disappeared. I blame the puppy, who likes pretty things. Smile. Anyway, it is a curious thing--that constant reminder of The Family and its bindings is gone. I thought I would miss that bracelet, but I feel a strange and wonderful freedom on that arm. Like a shackle has been lifted and release...it is gone, my anger is gone, my guilt is gone. Buried and done with, somewhere in the backyard, perhaps. Should I find it again, I would put it in the china cabinet, and stay shackle free.

[elbavolnu.livejournal.com]

A sign. I like to believe in those things...those "signs". At first it's scary, but in the end you find a comfort in your lifestyle away from the things you grew with.

Glad you found a love greater than love.

XOXOXO

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

Thank you XO to you too.